Anyone else afraid to eat?
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Guest
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Guest
hello. i just wanted to let you know that when i first started all this anxiety i was scared to death to eat. i thought that it was because i wasnt eating healthy that i was feeling so misserable. so i stopped eating and it became a fear for me. i lost like 40 pounds. and then i just realized it wasnt the food that was doing it to me it was my thinking.
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Guest
Yeah, I hve been there. I made myself so sick to my stomach from anxiety, cause I was scared...I mean why does the stonach hurt SO bad? Then I was afraid to eat and it was a vicious cycle. It was my thinking, just the same as GodsBabyGirl. I too lost 40lbs...but thanks to the AD meds, I gained it back and then some too.
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Guest
Woodsy,
I have had eating fears/difficulty going back many years as well...though mine have been/are different than those above I think. Mine originate more from a fear of choking...feeling as though I have forgotten how to swallow...feeling that if I do take a swallow I will begin choking...feeling that my throat is so tight it is almost closed and every bite of food feels like trying to swallow a handful of cement. For many of the above reasons...my fears grew into excessive worry about anaphylactic shock and I would not eat something I hadn’t eaten in the past...only things I ‘knew’ to be safe...and then, as the years went on, that list became shorter and shorter (depending on if I had a bad episode of anxiety following a meal and became suspicious of the food etc.)
Starting around 9 years ago...I began the practice of forcing myself to drink a glass of water at night as quickly as possible—a way to challenge myself and fight back against this fear of swallowing that I recognized had been steadily growing worse since I was young—and I’d be gagging and almost choking just by trying to drink water. By the time I ordered this program in 2003...I was having difficulty even swallowing my own saliva. I would have trouble during the day with this...but at night, when trying to fall asleep, that was the worst. I began taking what I now call ‘test swallows’...where I’d make a noise as I tried to work up the courage to swallow (just picture a little kid standing with his toes on the edge of a swimming pool, at the deep end...with a parent urging him on, telling him he’ll be okay if he jumps...”go ahead...just jump...you can do it”...and the little boy almost jumps and then doesn’t...gears himself up and then almost is able to jump and then doesn’t.) That was me...trying to swallow my saliva...wow.
Those were some tough times. And you can imagine, if I was having this much trouble during the night swallowing saliva...eating actual food was very challenging. And eating in front of my wife each dinner, or trying to eat at a restaurant in front of strangers...that was just awfully hard, bordering on impossible. I was always jerking up slightly out of my seat...thinking I just choked on some food as I was continuously stopping myself in mid-swallow. I did this year after year, but knew it was starting to get really bad when my wife began noticing these ‘jerking’ motions and ‘test swallow’ sounds. Well, we hide these things so well though...and she probably only noticed a handful of times out of the thousands of times I was sure she was noticing. People noticing our fears, becomes a fear in itself; it certainly was one more reason I all but stopped eating in front of people.
I feel bad about going into such detail; I’ve normally shied away from doing this on the forum, but for some reason, I guess I was feeling like sharing some detail. Eating and I have traveled a tough road...it’s been a daily battle going back to my childhood and I’m now 38...a long time. The good news is...I’ve improved in this area quite a bit by working the program. My everyday eating is much better with far fewer interruptions from these fears...though some days aren’t as easy as others. I’ve eaten some new foods...started eating tuna fish again (tuna fish was the last fish I would eat due to fears of shell fish—only my motto was, why take a risk with non-shell fish?) and about 8 years ago, I had even given up tuna fish. So...now I’m eating tuna fish again and have even eaten fish sticks twice! A big deal for me.
! (I loved fish as a kid...perhaps one day I will again.) To show how much I’ve improved...about a month ago, I was at a non-family B-day party and there was a particular ‘chili-like’ dish being served. I knew I had never eaten this. Well, almost without hesitating, I put some in a bowl and without thinking much about it, started eating. The fact that I was eating this strange food and doing it in a room full of people I didn’t know very well...that says a lot. And I was not anxious and did not get anxious. Very rarely do I have the ‘saliva swallowing’ thing happen now—and when I do, I 2\4 breathe, say a few supportive comforting positive lines of dialogue, and then I just swallow and smile to myself...it works. I don’t gag myself or jerk out of my seat much during meals anymore and much less often does it feel like I’m trying to shovel down cement. I am healing and progressing in these areas and it feels really good to be able to say that.
And I can’t really talk about my eating difficulties without briefly mentioning how I managed to get by all those years...not a method I’d recommend to anyone but just the truth of how I did it. I discovered early in life that drinking made me ‘feel better.’ By the time I reached college...my general anxiety and attacks were getting worse...and, getting good and drunk usually came before doing most things...including eating. I wasn’t much for breakfast or lunch...late night meals were more my usual. Drinking helped me sit in classrooms, then helped me eat, then helped me feel better when I woke up in the morning etc. This of course, sent me in the direction of a serious drinking dependency issue. So...through college and all the way up until this program...whenever the anxieties got bad...it was drinking I used to keep putting food in my system.
The good news in that area and amazing thing is...by the time I was half way to three quarters of the way thru this program...I all but stopped drinking and haven’t used it since, either as a means to cope with my eating anxiety or even my anxiety in general. During my low anxiety/drinking periods, when I could cut back, I was still drinking a case of beer every two weeks (which was a big improvement for me)...but since the program...the last case I drank was a gift, and it took me a year to finish it. Come to think of it...my last two cases have been gifts, and because of that...I haven’t bought a case of beer in two years now? That’s pretty remarkable.
I guess what I’m hopefully relaying is...is that eating has been a real struggle for me in general, for many years due to anxiety...and that by working this program, even though it doesn’t focus on something like eating specifically, I have not only made big improvements in this area...but have made them largely without the use of the coping mechanism that got me by for much of my life...drinking. If you are wondering if this program can help someone who has eating anxieties...I can tell you that it has certainly helped me in this area and I hope those reading find that encouraging.
My best
JOP
I have had eating fears/difficulty going back many years as well...though mine have been/are different than those above I think. Mine originate more from a fear of choking...feeling as though I have forgotten how to swallow...feeling that if I do take a swallow I will begin choking...feeling that my throat is so tight it is almost closed and every bite of food feels like trying to swallow a handful of cement. For many of the above reasons...my fears grew into excessive worry about anaphylactic shock and I would not eat something I hadn’t eaten in the past...only things I ‘knew’ to be safe...and then, as the years went on, that list became shorter and shorter (depending on if I had a bad episode of anxiety following a meal and became suspicious of the food etc.)
Starting around 9 years ago...I began the practice of forcing myself to drink a glass of water at night as quickly as possible—a way to challenge myself and fight back against this fear of swallowing that I recognized had been steadily growing worse since I was young—and I’d be gagging and almost choking just by trying to drink water. By the time I ordered this program in 2003...I was having difficulty even swallowing my own saliva. I would have trouble during the day with this...but at night, when trying to fall asleep, that was the worst. I began taking what I now call ‘test swallows’...where I’d make a noise as I tried to work up the courage to swallow (just picture a little kid standing with his toes on the edge of a swimming pool, at the deep end...with a parent urging him on, telling him he’ll be okay if he jumps...”go ahead...just jump...you can do it”...and the little boy almost jumps and then doesn’t...gears himself up and then almost is able to jump and then doesn’t.) That was me...trying to swallow my saliva...wow.
Those were some tough times. And you can imagine, if I was having this much trouble during the night swallowing saliva...eating actual food was very challenging. And eating in front of my wife each dinner, or trying to eat at a restaurant in front of strangers...that was just awfully hard, bordering on impossible. I was always jerking up slightly out of my seat...thinking I just choked on some food as I was continuously stopping myself in mid-swallow. I did this year after year, but knew it was starting to get really bad when my wife began noticing these ‘jerking’ motions and ‘test swallow’ sounds. Well, we hide these things so well though...and she probably only noticed a handful of times out of the thousands of times I was sure she was noticing. People noticing our fears, becomes a fear in itself; it certainly was one more reason I all but stopped eating in front of people.
I feel bad about going into such detail; I’ve normally shied away from doing this on the forum, but for some reason, I guess I was feeling like sharing some detail. Eating and I have traveled a tough road...it’s been a daily battle going back to my childhood and I’m now 38...a long time. The good news is...I’ve improved in this area quite a bit by working the program. My everyday eating is much better with far fewer interruptions from these fears...though some days aren’t as easy as others. I’ve eaten some new foods...started eating tuna fish again (tuna fish was the last fish I would eat due to fears of shell fish—only my motto was, why take a risk with non-shell fish?) and about 8 years ago, I had even given up tuna fish. So...now I’m eating tuna fish again and have even eaten fish sticks twice! A big deal for me.
! (I loved fish as a kid...perhaps one day I will again.) To show how much I’ve improved...about a month ago, I was at a non-family B-day party and there was a particular ‘chili-like’ dish being served. I knew I had never eaten this. Well, almost without hesitating, I put some in a bowl and without thinking much about it, started eating. The fact that I was eating this strange food and doing it in a room full of people I didn’t know very well...that says a lot. And I was not anxious and did not get anxious. Very rarely do I have the ‘saliva swallowing’ thing happen now—and when I do, I 2\4 breathe, say a few supportive comforting positive lines of dialogue, and then I just swallow and smile to myself...it works. I don’t gag myself or jerk out of my seat much during meals anymore and much less often does it feel like I’m trying to shovel down cement. I am healing and progressing in these areas and it feels really good to be able to say that. And I can’t really talk about my eating difficulties without briefly mentioning how I managed to get by all those years...not a method I’d recommend to anyone but just the truth of how I did it. I discovered early in life that drinking made me ‘feel better.’ By the time I reached college...my general anxiety and attacks were getting worse...and, getting good and drunk usually came before doing most things...including eating. I wasn’t much for breakfast or lunch...late night meals were more my usual. Drinking helped me sit in classrooms, then helped me eat, then helped me feel better when I woke up in the morning etc. This of course, sent me in the direction of a serious drinking dependency issue. So...through college and all the way up until this program...whenever the anxieties got bad...it was drinking I used to keep putting food in my system.
The good news in that area and amazing thing is...by the time I was half way to three quarters of the way thru this program...I all but stopped drinking and haven’t used it since, either as a means to cope with my eating anxiety or even my anxiety in general. During my low anxiety/drinking periods, when I could cut back, I was still drinking a case of beer every two weeks (which was a big improvement for me)...but since the program...the last case I drank was a gift, and it took me a year to finish it. Come to think of it...my last two cases have been gifts, and because of that...I haven’t bought a case of beer in two years now? That’s pretty remarkable.
I guess what I’m hopefully relaying is...is that eating has been a real struggle for me in general, for many years due to anxiety...and that by working this program, even though it doesn’t focus on something like eating specifically, I have not only made big improvements in this area...but have made them largely without the use of the coping mechanism that got me by for much of my life...drinking. If you are wondering if this program can help someone who has eating anxieties...I can tell you that it has certainly helped me in this area and I hope those reading find that encouraging.
My best
JOP
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Guest
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Guest
Wow Im not nuts! My fear of swallowing started when I was paniced about surgery, clastrphobia sets in for me and at the time sunglasses had to come off my face and gum out of my mouth!!!Then the very food in my mouth became a major life changing event. About 6 mths now and still going. I started with the fixation of spit, my tounge, swallowing liquid I hated it all in my mouth!! Now I don't even swallow pills or eat in public. Any advice besides FACE YOUR FEARS?
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I'm afraid to eat. But that's because I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting).
Also, sometimes after I eat I have a panic attack. Not sure why that is. It's as if I can feel the process of digestion and that scares me... even if I'm not consciously paying attention to it.
Does that make ANY sense?
Also, sometimes after I eat I have a panic attack. Not sure why that is. It's as if I can feel the process of digestion and that scares me... even if I'm not consciously paying attention to it.
Does that make ANY sense?
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
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Guest
I too am afraid to eat. It was really hard to explain this to anyone. After reading this forum alot of the symptom and exactly how i feel you guys definately describe them all. I was afraid to eat because i have a fear of choking, difficulty swallowing, tightness in the throat, stomach problem (similar to peace_be_still symptoms) also.I just concentrate so hard on the food I eat and as it go down. I even stop drinking soda because i'm afraid of how it makes me feel (the gassy feeling, and burping alot). So i just started eating food that are safe to eat.I drink mostly water and juice. I try to avoid food that are too dry, i felt like i haven't have a burger in ages because some can be too dry and hard to swallow. I lost so much weight, and i hardly weigh anything, so that stress me out so much more. I freak out about eating, and if i eat i freak out about the result that i might get sick, die from it or something wierd and it just become a cycle. I'm still trying to work on it, i am eating here and there, some days are definately harder then others. I'm also talking to a GI doctor to see if there is any problem, to why i'm losing so much weight and having a hard time eating. If anything it's anxiety but i want to make sure so i can be at least at ease about eating.
I hope to starting eating normal and gain all my weight and more back, my weight is so scary right now i'm embarrass to even say, but i'm very underweight so i obsess about my health on that.
I pray out to everyone, i hope everyone is doing well. I hope to get through this and thankyou everyone for your post and your encouragement!
I hope to starting eating normal and gain all my weight and more back, my weight is so scary right now i'm embarrass to even say, but i'm very underweight so i obsess about my health on that.
I pray out to everyone, i hope everyone is doing well. I hope to get through this and thankyou everyone for your post and your encouragement!
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Guest
I, too, have this fear off and on. It started a few years ago when I was all of a sudden allergic to shrimp. Never had an issue with it before, then one time eating it I broke out and hive, haven't been able to eat is since. I tend to be a tad paranoid with anything seafood because you never know when they'll sneak in a shrimp or shrimp broth in on you. Deep breathing and positive self talk helps me with this. Like two weeks ago, for an example, I got a pasta dish that had salmon in it and they said a cream sauce. Well, when I got it, it was pink in color so I slowly began to freak. I had to keep telling myself that I needed to calm down, that if there is shrimp in it, I have my benedryl with me, and if I keep stressing out about it, I'm going to cause hives regardless. I got mind mind off it, and never did break out so it must not have had shrimp in it...but you get the gist of the story.
At any rate, this is no different than any other anxiety symptom...sucks while you are having it, you think it can't possibly be anxiety, you get fed up, then get over it...because you are strong enough to do so. At least that is my normal series of events. I sure hope you feel better soon!
At any rate, this is no different than any other anxiety symptom...sucks while you are having it, you think it can't possibly be anxiety, you get fed up, then get over it...because you are strong enough to do so. At least that is my normal series of events. I sure hope you feel better soon!