Stress Center Peer Support

I have had many worries that my wife has been unfaithful to me. These thoughts most often turn into "what ifs" and it gets worse. Within the past week, it has gotten to a point where I can't stop thinking about it throughout the day.

About a month ago, my wife mentioned to me that the TIVO would occasionally "call" the house around 3:00am and after one ring would hang up. At first, I didn't question her (the TIVO is connected to the phone line and does make OUTGOING calls to update its info). Occasionally, this would happen after she informed me. The calls stopped for a couple weeks, however, last Friday and Saturday night we received a call around 3:30am (Saturday we received two within a minute). We had our TIVO for about two years and this problem just began happening. This triggered my worries and all week I haven't been able to get my mind off many "what ifs."

I called TIVO's Support and they said this is impossible.

Since the phone rings only once, our caller ID does not detect the caller.

Recently, I've been having to spend random midweek overnights at my parents house. (This is a long story, don't think it's worth getting into here). My wife understands why and she knows I am at my parents house every time. I do not believe she has worries if I am unfaithful.

We have been together for nine years. I believe we have a <STRIKE>good</STRIKE> great relationship and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I often worry about possibly losing her (for no reason at all).

Am I worrying too much, or are these recent events something that I should probably look into further...?

Please forgive me for not taking this to a marriage website. I feel that this issue may be triggered by my GAD.

I am currently going through the program, but find it had to keep focused.

Thanks in advance!

Have you asked her? Maybe just keep your eyes open. Worrying and obsessing about anything is a waste of time. Has she given reason to not trust her? Did you tell her you called tech support and they said its not possible??

This might not be the best advice but if you really feel that she's cheating, maybe drive by at 3am or so when you are not staying there to see if there is anything going on.

Sometimes when we suspect something - IT CAN be true and its our GUT instinct. But sometimes we can be paranoid... Just be aware...

Hi,

A very good point brought up my HealthyMe about the gut feelings. That with me is never wrong. I have learned the hard way too many times by not listening to that gut feeling.

I really hope for your sake your wife is not being unfaithfull as it's apparent you do love her very much. It is serving no purpose stewing over the what if she is...so instead of getting yourself all worked up possibly over nothing I would urge you to talk to her. Don't accuse her but let her know how you feel. Just say something along the line like " I have a feeling that something is not right and need to talk about my feelings" That way you are not putting her on the deffensive or sounding like it's an attack on her which will likely not get you anywhere. One very important step I have learned from the program. Always use the term I and not YOU when speaking about feelings to someone. You have to decide if there are grounds to even bring this matter up and it sounded in your post that you may.

I really wish you all the best with this problem.

God Bless