Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 6:41 am
I've made recent progress in trying to get back on the CBT train and actually do the work rather than just understand the process. Also, recent postings here have refocused me. I think all this is beginning to pay off:
1. I've slept soundly start to finish two nights in a row. I've had no true panics out of sleep for a couple weeks and only minor insomnia.
2. I find sometimes when I talk a lot at work, I hyperventilate a bit and so can get a little anxious. The past few days I've remembered to deep breath between my monologues and at the same time have thought "ha, you bastard, bring on the anxiety, I can take...I laugh at you!"...big difference in work time anxiety!
3. This summer I've had some issues with being alone and this pops up when driving. I've found myself yelling at my anxiety at the top of my lungs to come and give me its best shot and then laughing maniacly down the freeway (I can imagine how I look! But I figure what fun I'm having.)
4. In general, when I've felt a bit of it, I've made a point of telling it to come get me as I know it can't hurt me....surprise surprise, I feel better.
Now granted I haven't had a major attack coming on but I hope that these smaller episodes can serve as trial runs to handle a big one if one should so start to happen. Also, similar to many of you, even when I've felt okay, I still find myself obsessing over being normal, or going back to how I "used to be", and also checking numerous websites. I've tried to put a stop to that and really I'm just trying to focus solely on the program "to do" items but otherwise just spend my time living my life.
I have a therapist appointment next week that I am on the verge of cancelling. He has been telling me the same thing for months and I've felt stuck. But as someone noted, he has been telling me the same things because that is what I'm supposed to do. I need to stop looking for the silver bullet and just follow the steps. I will, however, wait till Monday to decide but I can't keep seeing this guy every week (as it has been the past month) hoping that one day the light will go on....I need to turn on that light!
I'm not trying to make this appear easy, because it isn't. And it has taken me quite some time to come to this revelation. But I thought maybe sharing might help someone else take that next step. Cheers!
1. I've slept soundly start to finish two nights in a row. I've had no true panics out of sleep for a couple weeks and only minor insomnia.
2. I find sometimes when I talk a lot at work, I hyperventilate a bit and so can get a little anxious. The past few days I've remembered to deep breath between my monologues and at the same time have thought "ha, you bastard, bring on the anxiety, I can take...I laugh at you!"...big difference in work time anxiety!
3. This summer I've had some issues with being alone and this pops up when driving. I've found myself yelling at my anxiety at the top of my lungs to come and give me its best shot and then laughing maniacly down the freeway (I can imagine how I look! But I figure what fun I'm having.)
4. In general, when I've felt a bit of it, I've made a point of telling it to come get me as I know it can't hurt me....surprise surprise, I feel better.
Now granted I haven't had a major attack coming on but I hope that these smaller episodes can serve as trial runs to handle a big one if one should so start to happen. Also, similar to many of you, even when I've felt okay, I still find myself obsessing over being normal, or going back to how I "used to be", and also checking numerous websites. I've tried to put a stop to that and really I'm just trying to focus solely on the program "to do" items but otherwise just spend my time living my life.
I have a therapist appointment next week that I am on the verge of cancelling. He has been telling me the same thing for months and I've felt stuck. But as someone noted, he has been telling me the same things because that is what I'm supposed to do. I need to stop looking for the silver bullet and just follow the steps. I will, however, wait till Monday to decide but I can't keep seeing this guy every week (as it has been the past month) hoping that one day the light will go on....I need to turn on that light!
I'm not trying to make this appear easy, because it isn't. And it has taken me quite some time to come to this revelation. But I thought maybe sharing might help someone else take that next step. Cheers!
sounds like you are on the right track. and that the light is coming on. I have been reading alot also and had just decided to start doing the same thing you are doing feeling the feeling and telling it to come on. I can take it. I know what it is and how to handle it. It can't scare me anymore. Your post just assured me I can do it to. Good Luck to you on your journey. We will make it thru!!! See you on the other side. 