Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all,

I am in week two of this program and just wanted to check in and introduce myself. I am having an emotional valentine's day unfortunately, but am liking what I am learning of the program so far and am determined to get better. I have been suffering from anxiety since I can remember, probably started when I was a young child, but never realized really what it was until recently when I heard commercials for this program and such. I guess I need a little encouragement b/c besides being in this program I am pregnant, mom of a 3 year old boy and working long hours as a CPA. I also am having a terrible struggle in the relationship I am trying to have with my ex-husband. We got back together 9 months after our divorce was final, which was this past August so we've only been back together about 6 months. I got pregnant unexpectedly in late October. Recently it's just been the worst, almost as bad as it was when we were married, which is why I finally got the courage up to leave him and start a new life. Now he is back to his old ways of being hurtful, using cruel words, name calling, being distant, and changing his mind every other day about whether he actually wants a relationship, even likes me, about if he is ever going to be happy or not with me, etc. etc. UGHHH it's such broken record, I don't know how I ever let him convince me (or myself convince me) that he had changed, that this is what he wanted and he would be good for me. On top of all this I blame myself for driving him way, driving others away in my life with my control freak nature, my relationships failing, etc. etc. Which I guess I should, but I think my anxiety and myself is my old worst enemy and always has been. I know I drive lots of people crazy at times, but also have lots of people that care and love me, but all of me isn't here b/c although I can be extremely happy at times (I consider myself a happy person) I am constantly in this state of worry, panic, guilt and grief at other times and more often the last couple of years or so. I can never be in the present moment and am now to the point of avoiding social situations, people whom I do not deem as safe and just always trying to get out of another chance to embarass myself in front of others. Any advice or encouragement from others is welcome. Sorry I feel I am having a break down at the moment and I know my email just went off on 101 tangents, but needed to get it off my chest. On a brighter note, I hope all of you reading this are having a wonderful Valentine's Day and are on your way to being the person you want to be as well.

New Brook

I'm glad you came on-line to post. Continue with the program and it will help you through all this. It will definitely give you the courage to make any important decisions that you need to make about your relationship with your spouse. Keep posting for support and above all, never give up. You will heal!

Get out of your head as best you can. Use your STOP sign. (Always stop any following thoughts this way.) Then use your calm breath and then focus on something outside of yourself to get you out of your head. With practice this will become second nature to you.

Let us know how you are doing.

What is STOP? I don't think I am that far yet, unless you are talking about the 6 steps to stop panic attacks.

Thanks for your help.

New Brook

Hi, I am new to this and just wanted to know if anyone suffered from uncontrollable shaking under any condition. It happens really bad when I get angry and I think they are linked together but not sure.

New Brook Just wanted to send this cute smiley face. I feel you in your situation had similar and know how hopeless it can feel (I've been out of mine for 7 yrs and it does get better hon! My friend had a similar situation to and her and her hubby worked it out. This isn't an easy thing to deal with especially being pregnant (oooo the horomones and mood swings). You may be difficult girl but as my husband tells me "you are worth it". If you feel safe have him listen to the "I will be there for you" cd my hubby did and it really did help him understand what I have been going through the last 4 yrs we have been together. Good luck to you! If you are having a hard time staying positive try picturing that beautiful baby and the maternity leave LOL hope I put a smile on your face with that :p

I'm new to this program, and I'm suffering from depression. I'm 44 years old and I live with my mother and father. I had my 1st child at 42 years old, and the mother of my child left me 5 weeks after giving birth to persue sexual relations with other men. We were together for close to 5 years before then. I work in my mother's and father's tax office as a tax preparer. After tax season is over I remain unemployed and unmotivated for the rest of the year. I wish I could get out of this depression, but it's been going on for most of my life.
From wetting the bed as a little boy. To my father's will over me has become a win-lose situation with me on the losing end all the time.
I feel childish, and I dislike myself sometimes for it.
I smoke weed and ciggerettes constently. Everytime I start something I can't seem to see it through to the end unless it's in a group setting like an April 15th tax deadline. Once that day has passed it's back to my own self loathing unmotivated self. It's really a pitifull situation to be in I know, but I don't know anyway out of the situation.

I pray for you all.