Stress Center Peer Support

hi, my name is nicole, and i'm from new jersey. I'm 25 years old, and believe i have been suffering from GAD and/or bipolar II for most of my adult life. i had been doing great for years tho, until ab a year and a half ago when i took a job that got too personal for me, bringing out all my symptoms worse than i had ever experienced before. i am really in a dark place right now. i just got out of a 3 year relationship ab 4 months ago(it still feels like last weekend tho). we had a civil union and owned a home together. we had a lot of mutual friends and so i have just recently learned that she is now in a relationship with one of them. it really hurts me to know that she has moved on so quickly, especially with someone i thought was a friend. towards the end i did have my suspcicions ab her and this person, but she repeatedly denied it and actually made me feel as though it was me being crazy and paranoid. i believed her bc she was the only person in my life that understood me and was there for me even at times when i was by far not the most pleasant person to be around, let alone be in a relationship with. i just really believed that she loved me, was in it for the long haul, and would see me thru this, just as she would always reassure me... practically up til the very end, ab a week or so before she ended it and kicked me out of OUR home overnight(literally). basically, the burden of trying to make sure i was happy all the time during the last year of our relationship, with no avail, became too heavy for her and she fell out of love with me simultaneously while finding one of our friends rather appealing. i feel like i did this to myself, but i know i shouldn't blame myself for getting sick. it's like a constant battle in my head. this experience has left me feeling so abandoned, which has been a reoccurring and compounding theme in my life so far...i lost my mother when i was an infant, then shortly thereafter my father walked out on me, and then just when i thought i had reached the light at the end of the tunnel, it all came crashing down. and now i just don't know what to do with myself. i know this post has been long, and if u have read this whole thing i thank u. i was just trying to give as clear a picture as best i can on here of where i'm at right now, with the hope that someone else might relate and want to share experiences/feelings, and possibly even insight on how to pick up the pieces, move on, and start over again.
aloha
nicole

Nicole,

I wish I had something smart to say, but, these feelings will pass (at least the relationship part). You'll have to work at the anxiety and depression. At one point in my life I had been with my GF for 4 1/2 yrs and one day I brought up marriage (no ring, etc, just talk) and she ended it. Said she did not know if she loved me like that.

I was destroyed. It took me months to move on. I was miserable for awhile and my good friends were good about it, but at some points they really did not want to hang out with me cause I always figured she was coming back and they were tired of me talking about her.

You have to be strong and know that this person is not for you. My now EX-GF at the time had moved on fast. I tried to meet to talk it out and she told me she had met someone while she was unhappy, no cheating, but talking on the phone. After we broke up she met him and they well you know.

Anyway, it was devastating. It had to be one of the worst thing to ever happen to me. I am insecure as it is and this was the last thing I needed. I had a hard time knowing she was with someone else while I sat at home and cried. I felt she never had cried about it, but she told me she had cried for far to long! She never said a word to me.

I look back and I see why things went nuts and she was just branching out to test the waters, we had been together since we were 19.

Not all stories have happy endings however, but the feelings you have were the same, even when I did not know who she was with, it hurt just the same.

We are now married for almost 8 yrs and have two children! We were apart for about 6 months, then started dating, moved in together, and got engaged - rest is history.

When I asked her is she would be my girlfriend again she said she was coming back to come back and not to just play around. I guess she needed to experiment - to be sure I was the one.

To this day I have not forgotten these times and at times am still resentful, moving forward, with her or someone new, make sure to never let the past haunt you, I have almost let it destroy me and my relationship more than once!

Keep your head up, there is someone out there for you!

Hi Nicole,

WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME! thanks for your intro, you are in the right spot.. congrats on ordering the program and taking the first step in the right direction, I will warn you though generally people feel more anxious for awhile once they get and start the program, its normal! but it is god sent and I promise if you put everything you have into it, you will be amazed at what you get out!

Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to vent or chat, I have been down, up, around and back.. I have mild ocd, depression, and anxiety.. just to name the general issues!

P.S. "LOVE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE- LIFE IS TOO SHORT" annoymous

Thank u both so much for the kind words. Lord knows i certainly need them right now!