Stress Center Peer Support

I'm down to taking 6.25mg [qtr of a pill] of anti-depressant daily. It's been 5 years since the meds started to drop as a result of this program and exercise. It's been a long road and it's still a rough one at times. The side effects of the meds at times have been an unstable sleep pattern, inability to sit still, lethargy, and slowed thought and memeory function. I've probably rotated my sleep cycle [over a 3 week period rotated when I go to sleep by 1 hour a day to get it back to a normal time] close to 50 times over the 5 years, if not more. Obviously work has been next to impossible.

I have regressed quite a bit, fallen back into some old negative patterns since not working with the program regularly since about late 2004. There was a time I felt competent to know how to make myself feel good as a result of using the program, but I'm not very good at it now. I beat myself up quite a bit at times, but I am always aware to not reject myself or allow the negativity to get completely out of hand. But, I would like to change some more and I don't know how, even after having used the program for an extended period of time.

My energy level is not at a level I need it to be to function well. I haven't been able to jog in about 6 weeks. Problems started at the start of December. I'd try to jog the usual 3 miles and would have to stop after the first mile or two. I got to where I didn't have the energy anymore to exercise. I have recently discovered that my Vit B-12 is low and the doc has recommended I come in for monthly shots. I'm trying sublingual B-12 to see if I can avoid being dependent upon monthly shots. I'm not sure it's working very well. Just now getting my sleep cycle around to where I can go see the doc and get a shot to see if that will show some improvement.

All of this has been difficult to say the least, but I don't have any terminal illness or really serious illness so I haven't suffered like some are currently. It's been difficult to maintain a positive outlook and hope, but I feel that turning around now.

I was diagnosed as bi-polar in about 1977 and each psychiatrist I have seen over the years has agreed with that diagnosis. Now I'm almost off of meds. Bi-polar disorder has no cure and is lifelong. So.........I think the docs were wrong. I don't see any other conclusion you could come to. They simply misinterpreted my mood swings.

I am about to venture into a world free of meds, just me and my ability to remain emotionally and psychologically balanced. I'm looking forward to it very much. Haven't been here in 32 years. Grateful to be free of the stuff. It has helped but it has also caused some serious side affects I hated. In some ways it was like a prison taking the stuff due to the uncomfortable side affects.

Here's one very possible contributing factor as to why I had to go on meds again at age 27........... coffee, and the amount if it I drank on the job, all day. I was at my first accounting job, working for a public company directly under the controller and was being groomed to take over as an assistant controller, not in name but in responsibility. Stress and coffee combined with stopping jogging 2 miles a day, 5 days a week. Serious mistakes in judgment I made. I had a delusion one night about my gf, now my wife. The next day I had a very bad headache, anxiety disorder, and had to go on meds.

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Don57,
Today give yourself some credit, you now know that coffee is no good for you and that exercise is important, you are in tune with your body and how it responds, be thankful for that. There are many people out there struggling with anxiety and don't know what it is or how to even begin to get rid of it. If you had to back on meds for now, so what, start working through your program again refreshing your skills and you will be off of meds again in no time if that is what you want. Take care, you can do it!

Hi Don! You have come such a long way in your recovery! Be Proud of yourself and your accomplishments. I remember back when things were really bad for you - to read your posting is like a breathe of fresh air!

I know you are still not where you want to be in your recovery but just continue with all you have learned. It is really important to continue with the skills this program teaches - they are life skills. Old habits can come back if we don't keep on our toes with all the positive stuff.

The older we get the harder it is to feel the energy we once had too. B vitamins are great and I would continue with those regardless, however, a diet rich in vegetables are also a good way to keep energy along with drinking LOTS of water.

Congrats on your accomplishments!

Thanks Sugarmama and Sunset for your replies.

I guess i'm upset at myself to a degree that I've become a lot more negative. On the other hand, not working and not being able to function as I feel I should be able to has created a lot of this over an extended period of time. I honestly can't function that well at present due to a lack of energy and I'm still trying to figure out the reason for the drop in energy level. As I said, I can't even jog anymore and that tells me there must be something physical or physiological to what's going on. Sleep cycle is still messed up but hope to have it back close to normal in another week or so so that I can get a B-12 shot to see if that makes a difference. I can jog a mile and that's about it. No stamina after that.

I changed my diet a year ago after finding out I had high blood pressure. I primarily eat baked chicken with and without salad, some lean quisine, low cal/low sodium soup, lowfat sandwich meat and cheese for sandwiches, then some animal crackers, lowfat/calorie potato chips and that's about it. I'll have vegetable now and then plus sweets occassionally, but not often. Cholesterol dropped from 196 [total] 60hdl good /136 ldl bad to 162 total, 58 good and 104 bad as a result. So that is very good.

I'll probably get this figured out, just wish I could get it figure out now. lol.

I listened to Tape 12 yesterday. Guess I must be getting something out of being negative. Feel like the slowest and dumbest person alive sometimes. Guess I need to cut myself some slack, but I want to kick myself for not working all the time. Anyway, thanks again for the replies. Good to hear from you sunset.

Don,
Hang in there. My father suffered Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for years. I think this lead to his depression. It is really important for your thoughts to be in a good place. We can't always help it when our bodies don't do what we want - when we want. Keep listening to those tapes, you can't affort not to!
Are you on any blood pressure medication or did you lower your cholesterol strictly by diet? My mom is on medication for blood pressure and it makes her tired all the time. She can't eat too many green vegetables when she is on it but everything else is okay. Right now her dietician told her to walk 15 minutes/ 2x day.
They said that is really all she needs.

One day at a time Don! One day at a time!

Are you on any blood pressure medication or did you lower your cholesterol strictly by diet? My mom is on medication for blood pressure and it makes her tired all the time.

Yes, I have been on blood pressure med for about a year now, hydrochlorothiazide. I do eat quit a bit of salad with baked chicken. Probably 3 to 4 bowls of salad with chicken a day.

Yes, the change in diet alone brought down my cholesterol. I was shocked at how much it dropped.

My energy level has improved since dropping the anti-depressant meds, but it's still somewhat weak. I'm gonna try getting back into jogging in the next week to see what happens, but I'll take it slow, jog 1/4 mile, walk 1/4 mile for 3 miles and see if I can build up again to jogging the whole distance. I'll probably be going off meds totally in the next couple of weeks just to see if that has anything to do with it. It's amazing, for years I had problems going to sleep, now I can't stay awake after being up for 15 or 16 hours. In fact right now I'll fall asleep for an hour or two after being up only 6 or so hours.

Thanks for the info about your Mom and her energy level. I'll check with my doc about what I eat. She's the one who recommended the Southbeach diet which persuaded me to change mine.

Update: I am now off of meds for about 5 days now and doing pretty well. I got a B-12 shot on Monday of this week and noticed an almost immediate increase in energy and disappearance of "electricity" or uncomfortable pins and needles feelings in my body. The sleep is better also. It feels like it wearing off already, but I'll be getting 3 more shots over the next 3 weeks, then 1 monthly. I'll be able to give them to myself. So, I have hope that this has been the problem for sometime and I'll be able to get back to jogging again and functioning good again, and working. I have a lot of hope at this point. Wasn't sure if the B-12 was a factor in the loss of energy or not but it appears to have been. I'll have to confirm that over the next month as I get more shots, but that is what appears to me to have been the problem. Yeah!!!!

Good news Don! Thanks for the update! Hope is a good thing !!!