Stress Center Peer Support

How do those of you who have several kids, and work full time, and have other things to do get the more basic things done? How do you prioritize?
For instance, cleaning the house. I have a lot of animals, always have. As a consequence, my house gets dirty. Not just cluttered, dirty. Fur, dirt tracked in, etc. I want to see it clean, but it seems I never have the time to do it. Its not a small house. Its not so much that I care what others think, though this is sometimes the case now. (Never used to be, when I was younger I didn't care what anyone else thought, it was my house if they didn't like it they could leave.) But even just for me, by the time I get home from work, I don't want to do anything, but then I feel guilty that I "should" be doing something. Then there are the distractions. I'll start, then something comes up and I don't get back to it. I find myself sometimes doing the same area over and over because I'll clean that area, but then by the time I get the chance to get back to it, that area is all dirty again, and I have to start over. I don't know how these people I see keep everything clean all the time, especially with a house full of kids. And then there's the factor of multiple things that need to be done. If I'm cleaning in one spot, I'm also thinking of other areas that need it too, and also thinking that cages need to be cleaned, and the grass needs to be cut, and I have laundry to do etc. All equally important on the priority scale. And only a limited amount of time (it seems) during the week in which to do this stuff. Sometimes I feel 'I don't care if it doesn't get done' but then I feel bad because its something that really 'needs' to get done. Then I get that overwhelmed feeling and start to think there's no point in even starting when I know I won't have time to finish. Or it will just get messed up again (a bigger factor maybe with animals than with kids. Just mop the floor and someone walks in a throws up just where I cleaned, etc.) I love my animals, and would never want to get rid of them, on the contrary I used to have a lot more and miss that. And I've been in other peoples houses where they have a lot of animals too and their house is very neat and clean. They don't suffer from anxiety though. They also have money. Maybe that helps. I really do wish I could be the person I used to be...as a child and teen. I didn't care what people thought of me (I was a VERY strange kid, this is a fact, not just a label). I acted how I wanted, thought the way I wanted. I know keeping a clean house because of what others think is something my mother thought. She was one of those "what will the neighbors think" kind of people. But that never bothered me growing up. It tends to bother me more now, not so much for the neighbors but for myself. I feel bad when I look around and see all that needs to be done and don't know how I'll accomplish it all. Don't get me wrong, I feel TONS better since starting this program. And maybe as I get further along, this won't bother me as much either. But I still would like some ideas. The house does need to be cleaned. Just from a basic hygiene standpoint. I just don't seem to have the time, the drive, the strength, or all the above right now to get it done. I can't afford a housekeeper. My husband helps a little, but being disabled, is limited as to what he can do. I know I can't do it all at once, but it does all need to get done and I'd like to get it all done at some time. I always have that feeling that no matter what I'm doing, there's several other equally important things I should be doing at the same time.

Okay, I guess the busy people are too busy to respond. LOL
I did get some things done, or at least started yesterday. I cleaned the living room floor as best I could (the tiles need replacing, the ones I started to use were discontinued half way through my project ). And I started to clean the shower in the master bath, and cleaned a bit in the front bath. I just hope I can eventually get ahead of all the things that need doing so I don't have to come back to where I started before finishing. Did that make sense? LOL

Hi there. I don't have children yet but I work full-time, go to school part-time, am involved in my local organization for my work, take care of my husband and home and am pretty busy.

I don't always practice what I preach but I think the concept of a Time Map (I got this idea from Julie Morgenstern, who wrote the excellent books Time Management From the Inside Out <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Inside ... 0805056491" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Inside ... 5056491</A> and Organizing From the Inside Out <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Time-Management-I ... 822&sr=8-4)" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Time-Management-I ... 822&sr=8-4)</A> is very helpful. I need to sit down and plan things out, then write them down. Otherwise, if I haven't planned and allotted time, the things don't get done.

Hope that's a bit helpful, there is info online

Thanks for the reading suggestions Leda. I love the idea of being organized, its just never returned that affection. LOL
Setting specific times to do things, almost treating things here as I would something at work I had to get done, seems like something that could work. And what I don't get finished one day, will just be the first thing I get to the next day (when the routine things are out of the way).

I can remember the neighbor we used to have when I was a kid. She was a stay at home housewife, so she had all day, everyday to do what she needed (lucky her.) I remember my mom telling me she had a schedule posted on her refrigerator of the things she needed to do and the times she delegated to doing them i.e. 8:00-9:00 do this, 9:00 to 10:00 do that etc. And I remember she had specific days for things. Thursday was always shopping day, another day was always laundry day and so on. And only an emergency would make her veer from this. However, I also remember my mom always saying how stupid she thought this was. Usually when my mom asked her to do something and she said no because it conflicted with her set schedule. This woman had two kids who had a bunch of after school functions they were into because of their mom (she was all about impressing others). Yet, she always seemed to get things done. My mom, (who worked full time) was always complaining about things not getting done, no one helping her (I stopped helping because if I didn't do it the way she did, it wasn't right. So I figured, if she wanted it done that way, she could do it herself). So even though looking back, I think our neighbor had the right idea, that idea also tended to piss people off and they would comment about it behind her back. Saying that she was a friend only when it was convenient to her. I don't think anyone ever said anything right to her, but then she wouldn't have cared. When men stand up for themselves, they're said to be confident, secure, etc. When women stand up for themselves, we're put down. I put myself down enough, I don't need others doing it too.

I just read an excerpt from that first link, and there's a spot that says
"I was one of those people who lived 'in the moment': spontaneious and charming, but never planning more than one minute into the future. As a result, I was always scrambling at the last minute, and frequently didn't get things done on time, either because I forgot to do them or because I couldn't find whatever I needed to get the task done."
Isn't living in the moment what we're supposed to be learning here? It would seem to then be detrimental to feeling organized.

This has been a very big issue for me as well. I still struggle with clutter a lot. I also have a dog who sheds. I love him dearly but all that hair...ugh! Just had him cut so maybe that will help some. There is a website called flylady I think you can just look that up. It was helpful but then after you've signed up they bombard your e-mail. It is good reminders in the beginning, after a while I stopped it and just saved them in my favorites which thanks for the reminder I need to go back and read some of those.

Good luck to you. I also need help with time management so if you or anyone else has ideas let me know. It is helpful to go to the lesson on the forums in time management. I find looking back at old forums to be very helpful.

Can you afford to get some help? Even a cleaning person who comes in a couple hours a month could really help you out. I personally would give up a dinner out to come home to a clean house!

No, I can't afford anyone. I don't eat out either unless you count the $5 I might spend on lunch during the week once in a while. Work right now is really slow, they're actually behind on paying us. That doesn't help my stress level, never knowing week to week right now if we'll get paid. The company I do the work for is in the process of merging with someone else so the change-over is also stressful. The not knowing. Even if I had a few bucks, it really needs to go elsewhere. My roof leaks badly, I need a new one. And there are other things that need to be finished that had to stop due to lack of funds. Ironically, if I had money, I'd also have more energy to do things because I'd know I could finish. Most of the unfinished projects I have are because I don't have the money to complete them. And when I do get a little, I feel guilty about spending it on something else when in my mind it should be going to the roof fund first. This includes anything, going to the movies, buying plants for the yard, etc. I feel guilty trying to finish the smaller projects because that means its that much less money getting put towards the roof. And some things can't be completely cleaned anymore, they're too old but again, no money to replace them. So I clean, then look at them and still feel down because only I know I cleaned. Only I know what it looked like before. To anyone else, it would still look as if I'd done nothing. I know that shouldn't matter, but I want it to look nice too. Not having money is a big stress factor for me. I don't want big expensive things. Just to be able to do all the little things I want, when I want, and not have to stop in the middle. Then wonder if I'll ever get back to it.

The thing is, no one ever really comes into my house except my sister (actually a best friend, but we're so close we consider ourselves sisters), and her house is in much worse shape than mine (she suffers clinical depression and has proven psychic abilities that enable her to determine when someone close is going to die, or when something very bad is going to happen). And she doesn't judge me at all, in fact she thinks I'm a wonderful person. As does my husband. Its my own viewpoint that causes my anxiety.

I think I was over doing the living in the moment thing cause my moments never included cleaning the house! I only work one day a week now and I'm still disorganized. I'm trying to find a balance between 'living in the moment' and getting into the time management mode to get organized. They seem to contradict each other. I guess if I could afford a housekeeper who did everything I could totally live in the moment, but I don't think that's going to happen, so I guess I will need to 'come out of the moment' to plan the house cleaning and organizing. ???