Stress Center Peer Support

About one month ago I wrote about making a radical career change. Well, here we are and I'm now working from the home. I left my automotive job in favor of a home-based venture that has good potential. On one level I'm happy to no longer be breaking my back (literally!) but now I'm facing a host of new uncertainties.

For one thing, I am happy to have more time to devote to things that are more important to me. But what nags at me is this kind of 'depression' that I've been feeling. My wife leaves for work each day and I'm left here alone to sail my own ship. And it scares the heck out of me! This has been a stressful period for me and I'm relieved to be past the holidays as well as leaving my employer.

But now at home I find myself to be my worst enemy. The danger is getting wrapped up too much inside my own head which I have a tendency to do. Just today, I went out of the house and felt like I had 'cabin fever'. It took me awhile to adjust but it felt good too.

I think a lot of my struggle is that I worked so hard in automotive and ended up disappointed. I liked what I was doing, put in my share of time, but my body gave out on me- great! Thanks a lot! Being at home would seem like a 'no-brainer' but it is more difficult than I thought it would be. I fear failing at what I am trying to do and even fear getting housebound.

So, starting off the new year I am a mess. Any advice or encouragement is most appreciated. Thanks.

Mark

Hey Mark,
I totally understand what you are feeling! My kids are both in school full time this year, which leaves me with 7 hours/day to fill by myself! At first, I was feeling very anxious at the thought of being in my house alone, but I am slowly getting used to it, and actually enjoying it! Try not to totally seclude yourself, make a point to run errands and go out of the house every day or at least several times a week so that you dont get the tendency to get "too comfortable" not leaving, because i find if i go several days without driving, its almost like starting over!
I am sure you will find your "groove" and make this work for yourself! Don't let the old demons back in, they dont belong in our lives and we deserve a peaceful existance! I wish you the best Sparkus, you helped me so many times when we first met, I hope just knowing you arent alone will help you in some small way! Hugs, Chantal

Dear mark,

Congratulate yourself!! That's right, congratulate yourself for taking on this LIFE CHANGE - you are doing it!! Pls try not to think of the automotive employment as disappointment. Rather, think of it as PREPARATION for RIGHT NOW - a home based business. Think of it as, God knowing what you needed(mentally, emotionally, physically, & spiritually) & he allowed you to transition out of 1 industry & into another more condusive to you OVERALL. There may be some obvious adjustments, sure - gosh, you were used to 1 way of life for a while. However, think of all the wonderful possibilities you can bring to fruitation as a result of a home based job/business - endless sweetie, honest.

Sometimes, we get caught up in the rat race of life - that it envelops us, to the point that we lose sight of what we need/want/desire. We become prisoner to the premisis of THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING - what about WHAT YOUR HEART/BODY/SOUL/SPIRIT NEEDS? You may still be getting used to the idea that you ARE WORKING(@ home) having worked outside the home for your entire working life. Maybe, a part of you is still trying to convince yourself of THAT?

EX: I had been on my own since high school. I graduated & worked ft & lived on my own. A great deal of responsibility for such a young person - often beyond my means & ability. However, THAT BECAME A WAY OF LIFE FOR ME - IT WAS THE LIFE I WAS DEALT. So, I did just that. SINK OR SWIM was my motto. Because of my circumstance back then, I was operating @ an overwhelming pace - by necessity. I eventually went to college @ nite & graduated. I got married. Anxiety disorder triggered in APR-2007. In my case, it was so bad, I was forced to not be able to work. Now, I was 37 @ the time & not working came as a complete traumatic shock to me - IT WAS LIKE SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. All my life, MY WAY OF HELPING MYSELF was "working more" + "working harder/doing more" + "pt job" + "college @ nite" - it never dawned on me that WHAT I NEEDED WAS TO BE STILL - finally. Sure, then, I saw it as absolute punishment. Why? Everyone I knew worked, married, w/ families. So, I was home alone MAJORITY OF THE TIME(my husband works). Part of me felt I was losing a part of myself by being home: her independance, self sufficiency, pride = contributing to society. However, God in his infinite wisdom, gave me a gift: no, he didn't cause my anxiety disorder - I believe, he foresaw it. As a result, he lined up all I would need to help me help myself in a way HE KNEW WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME. For the 1st time in my life, I was forced to sit still, face some long over due issues & myself & heal myself. I didn't have a say to a load of circumstances that had befallen me since childhood - God was giving me that choice, by 1st allowing me to heal myself. Kind of like him saying "ok, you can slow dwn now - heal yourself, take a breath, what do you want to do w/ your life - what are your dreams?" He heard my prayers, prayers I had long forgotten about: I had been overwhelmed w/ my responsibilities & saddened that I was thrust into a life, not by choice - I didn't have a say. I was now given 1. Oh, I was lonely, sad, upset @ CHANGE. Yes, even as unhealthy as MY PREVIOUS WAY OF LIFE was, in all regards. I didn't know how to slow dwn. NOW - TODAY, I am recovered fr anxiety disorder(I was on anxiety med 3x's per day + 2 sleep aids for apprx 1 yr+), I faced my past, myself(an ever evolving work of progress ) & I am make my dreams a reality: I am taking necessary steps to go back to college(I currently have a 2yr=Associates degree) to obtain my Bachelor's in Accounting: I requested materials fr 2 diff colleges & discussed all w/ my husband(details/plans, etc).
I mentioned the above ^^^^ to you Mark as an example - how I delicately allowed myself to TRANSITION out of a way of life that was my life, my entire adult life - into a NEW & HEALTHIER way of life(TONQUE TWISTER RIGHT THERE, LOL). It was frightening - it was. Remeber, as unhealthy as the pace I was operating @ was, it was ALL I KNEW.

Mark, don't fear failure - there is no such thing. You are so courageous @ going for it, I hope you see that. Allow yourself adjustment time - for you too are creating a healthier way of life FOR YOU. It may be frightening - its something new. However, you are such a strong man(I've read many your postings) - be patient w/ yourself - you can do it, you are 1 smart guy. If you feel some depression, reassure yourself - you are working - just at something different. In addition, because you are now employed at home, make plans once in a while: w/ a former coworker for lunch - a friend, or make tele calls. Keep yourself connected to the very people(friends & family) that love you: sometimes, being alone makes you think you are alone. Mark, if you ever feel that, I want you to use a MANTRA I myself created for myself while home, "I MAY BE ALONE RIGHT NOW - I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD OR LIFE"! Maybe you can gently exercise by taking walks? Maybe now can be the time to do THOSE THINGS YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF DOING - you know, those dreams of yours you never got to cause you were too busy?

Mark, always always remember, you are not & never will be alone. I don't know about your LIFE - but here @ StressCenter.com - you have a load of friends, some of the greatest people you can meet(whether chat or forum) - if you need a chat/laugh/discuss something on your mind - reach out, you've friends that care about you.

All my best Mark,

LENORE

Thank you guys for your responses. You're right Chantal I need to get out more- get a life lol! Went and saw a movie last night (Charlie Wilson's War) and it helped a lot. In a way, yes, I am starting over. I never thought being at home could be so stressful lol! Lenore thanks for your insights & personal examples. One thing you said struck a deep chord about the conflict in ourselves about what we know we need to do versus what we think we should be doing. I know I am waging war with myself about this. It will take time to get adjusted and find a peaceful medium. One thing I keep in mind is the pain I endured in my former job. I'm glad it's over on one hand. I think I need to get more rock solid in my thinking about what I'm trying to accomplish here on my own. It's a war of thought right now and it's been working a real number on me anxiety-wise. Thankfully, I have the program and all you wonderful people here to help me through. Thanks again!

Hi Mark:

I'm in the same boat. Briefly, I took early retirement from Federal Govt. and became a contractor to DHS (Homeland Security). Talk about stress! I pulled out of that, and went with another federal contrator doing classified projects, again, much stress. I decided life is just too short so I am now also working from home and have a viable video production business. Do a few weddings etc., some political stuff, and cover news events as I live near D.C. Yes, it's a little scary, but I'm feeling better than I've felt in a long time. Hang in there buddy! You sound like a guy who's not afraid of of a little work. You'll do great.

Sparky,
I know its a big adjustment! Remeber i was housebound for 6 yrs. But after the program i have found comfort in knowing, i can come and go as i please.
Working from home isnt a bad thing. Maybe make a schedule for yourself to get out at least twice to three times everyday. Change is difficult at every age, but i understand what your talking about. Different stages in our lives, our minds are clear and young, but the old body says, you better slow down!!!
Be proud of where you are at this point. Your not a quitter nor or you a failure sparky!!
If your feeling a little depressed,, listen to your tapes. You have inspired so many here sparky, and remember this is just a NEW stage of your life, and you can make the most of it, and for heaven sakes, Enjoy it!!! Love ya Nelly:)