Stress Center Peer Support

Daft I know but I literally do not have a clue what to do or say around people, Its all anxiety related, Almost like that part of my mind that controls that side of things has been formatted, When out in a social situation my mind is blank, To use another analogy, Its like clicking on a shortcut on your desktop only to discover the software has been deleted, the computer searches but doesn't find anything and reports an error. I generally act like a shy child, you know they way you would of acted with your mum when out and about and you met someone new for the first time, you went all shy, thats the way I go. 28 going on 8, I kid you not.

I was out recently in a shop, A work mate of my other halfs came over, she said, Hi How are you? Whats my wife doing today, It was 8am so I said she was in bed, she stood with a smile, you knew she was looking to make conversation but again my mind clicked on the shortcut to the communication software but the software was corrupt, we stood there with fake smiles in an uneasy silence until she said right see you later. Or at work for example people have come over and ask, "Hi, did you have a good weekend" "Yes" I reply and again same scenario, we just stand there in an uneasy silence, People only take so much of this type of behavior before they say "Stuff you" and never bother with you again, This has happened with all my work mates and family members, I also have no friends.

Can anyone relate to this? Of how exactly do I install this software again so to speak? I wasn't always like this, only in the past 7 years, and if I look at what major event happened in this 7 year period the only thing I can find is meeting my other half.

Celeron,

Yeah...I was very outgoing...then became a recluse. So, you have to start practicing. Think of topics/questions to ask co workers and purposely start a conversation with them. I think you will find that people LOVE to talk about themselves. I don't mean this in a negative way, but they do, and when someone shows genuine interest in what is going on with them, it makes them feel good and they will instantly feel a connection with you.

If you have a few questions, they will usually fill in the gaps with most the talking, but you are engaging the conversation.

Maybe as part of your practice every few days when you do your homework, look over what's been going on in your life, so you will have some things to talk about when they ask you questions. Think of things they normally ask you..like how is your wife, your kids, your job. Think of a couple sentences for each so you can elaborate a little more...maybe even write these answers down every few weeks.

Also, if you are working on something, or thinking about a new idea or project, "run it by" someone. If there is someone whose opinion you respect, in casual conversation say "oh, I've been thinking about this/doing this...(add some of the details, logistics) and then say, what do you think? Even if you don't want to ask their opinion...just in conversation tell them what you have been looking into.

Make it an assignment of yours to study other's conversations all day.

Note the topics they talk about, note how they answer the same conversational questions people ask you.

Another good thing to do would be to read books like How to Make Friends and Influence People.

Ask people what their plans for the weekend are, or what they are doing for the holiday. If you are going on a trip, ask others where they have gone and can they recommend any places etc.

Hope this helps...

I'd echo the reply by Frances about people loving to talk about themselves. Just ask them something about themselves and let the conversation take off from there. When people have the opportunity to talk about what interests them, they will absolutely love talking with you.


Best of luck on your journey.

MIKE

Hi there! I have this problem a lot as well. I've found that if you give just one word answers to questions conversations die quickly and that awkward silence tends to take over. So, for example, when someone says "did you have a good weekend", i'd say "yes. i watched the olympics." or "yes. went to see the in-laws" or something of the sort. usually then people will take off with that and jabber on "i watched the olympics too" "oh, i've never had much fun when i go to the in-laws" and so on. that gives you a moment to recover and if using your computer analogy, reboot your social system.
hope this helps!

Hi, I concur that you should try to "teach" yourself the art of conversation. If someone asks "how are you", answer "great!" and ask the same question right back to them (maybe change a few words here or there). Try to be curious. Almost like a reporter. I guess it's easy for me. My friends and family tease me all the time that I can talk to anyone. I'm just a curious person and like to gab with strangers. LOL! Think of some things you are really interested in and try to bring them up. Sports, your family, some hobby, etc. Good luck! You'll do great!