Stress Center Peer Support

i am new with this program as a matter of fact haven't even gotten the program yet but am reading the book by lucinda which has helped dramatically i have had anxiety for as long as i can remember i was the youngest of five children all of which are girls my mom divorced my father when i was 7 years old and we moved in with my stepfather there was only 3 of us girls there as the others were older and already married this is hard for me to say and write but in order to recover i have to do this. my stepfather sexually abused all of us for many years my sisters were older than me so they got to leave sooner and i was the only one left i suppressed all of these memories for years never wanting to reveal what happened i lived most of my life in fear fear that people would think badly of me or that my husband would be disgusted by me i spent all my life not knowing who i was or who i would become i stayed scared lonely upset never feeling that i was good enough seemingly enough i put up a good front because i got married and have 3 great children 2 daughters and one son my girls are vocal and self confident smart and energetic and good hearted ass well as my son is so i know i have strength somewhere for the past couple of months my anxiety and panic has been at its all time worst i was having multiple panic attacks daily and stayed anxious 24/7 my relationship with my mom has always been weird i always wanted to make her happy no matter what the cost i remained at her beckon call all the time recently and only because she knew that my life was spiraling apart she admitted that my stepdad abused us and apologized she said she did not know which im not sure if i believe but i guess i have to anyway i have one sister who lives about 65 miles away from me and was on the phone talking to me today and she told me that my mom had said she was sorry to me about the abuse now my sister is really upset because my mom did not acknowledge her abuse as well and say she was sorry to her i feel really guilty about this whole situation and am trying hard not to feel anxious about it i have been feeling so good for the last 2 days and now here we are again feeling anxious again should i talk to my mom and tell her to apologize to my sister or should i just leave it where it should be in the hands of my mother please advise

Hi Panicked, WELCOME!!

First off let me say this...YOU Don't have to feel shame or guilt in any way, shape or form for what was done to you. You were a child, a victim of an adults terrible actions...as so many children are..unfortunately.
It took a lot of strength to post this and it is great you did. I pray it helps you through all the feelings you held in over the many years. Somehow you will and must forgive that child inside you that feels this guilt and embrace her and tell her it wasn't her fault and she was a good girl treated badly. HUG THAT INNER CHILD and LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.

So far as talking to your Mom about your sister that is maybe something your sister really should confront your Mom with...you have your own needs to satisfy and work on now. It's something you alone know what may be best. You know your sister!

I personally think if it were me I would let my sister handle it in her own way and time. ??

I just wish you so much of everything good right now and will leave it at that.

Glad you are here!!

I'm new also, just got mine in the mail. By the time I had time to myself I only listened to 1CD in the jumpstart section, and the relaxation CD. I just had to say that one thing that helps me is to not react right away. I think sympathizing with your sister is the way to go, and give yourself a few days before working it out with your mom. I personally think your mom is a very sad person, and your sister's anger is completely justified. We know how awful it was of your mom because we are mom's also and would never let that happen to our daughters in a million years. The reason I suggest waiting a few days is that will give some time to put things into perspective. Someone once explained that it feels like we are always on a crazy high roller coaster, but that if we imagine a smaller (more normal) roller coaster-like one a little kid would ride, it helps alot. I tried that, and then something awful would happen and I would say "life keeps putting me on the crazy roller coaster" but after an hour and some talking I could choose to act like I was on the small roller coaster and things actually felt a bit better (and turned out a whole lot better). No one is dying. Your heart and your sister's heart is feeling immense pain from the past (and current) rejection/lack of safety of your mom. Be there for your sister. Also I was wondering if your panic is related to your daughter's ages. Are they at the same age you were at when the abuse started? I heard that sometimes that can be a big trigger. But they are not you. You are keeping them safe. Remember, you did not deserve any of that pain. God would never want that for anyone. We can be the generation that stops this in our families. Things will get better!

thank you for the advice i needed to hear it i will wait and think about for a couple of days but i agree that its my sisters issue and not mine GOD knows i have enough of my own right now its good to know that someone is listening and willing to help best to all we will be triumphant