Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:05 am
This month of DEC is my 2 yr anniversary OFF OF ANXIETY MEDS & SLEEP AIDS. Dec - 2006, was the last time.
I am a sentimental soul - as I've described myself to y'all, I'M A 24/7 WALKING & TALKING "CHICK FLICK" hahahahah :p . Having recovered now fr anxiety disorder/panic attacks + ptsd + depression - I find myself wanting to celebrate WELL, JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. I so feel like a sponge to water - wanting to absorb things as never b/4 - cause now, I am experiencing things anew - w/o the burdens & chains that had bound me in yr's prior. It kind of equates to seeing things w/ a new set of eyes - maybe even seeing things for the 1st time, if you will. This 1 particular celebration, is a BIG ONE to me.
It was almost 4 yrs ago my anxiety disorder triggered. Oh, I was in an extreme state. I won't regurgitate every detail, as I've posted my story many times here. I will rehash this: I was informed by 2 separate dr's, that I WAS 1 OF THE WORST CASES THEY HAD EVER SEEN. I was 2 steps away fr being put in a psych hospital - a fact later confirmed to me by my "former psychiatrist" (yeah, I can say "former" now - cause I DID GRADUATE THERAPY - AIN'T THAT THE BEST DARN THING). I was so in over my head - I couldn't see the forest fr the trees - cross my heart honest. I required, out of sheer necessity, an anxiety med 3x's per day + 2 sleep aids. Lord have mercy, on top of all that, I had issues/pains/events to work through - like I was a walking 2 WK'S OF OPRAH - no exageration there. I didn't understand anything enough to know if recovery "were possible". YET STILL, HERE I AM - I faced my past + myself & I felt the pains necessary for RECOVERY TO BE MINE. All those ailments tried damn hard to claim me as their own. They filled me w/more pain + anguish + fear + heartache than I assumed 1 person could bare. They tried to paralize me the facts of my experiences - "you're an abused child - molested - abandoned". Well, THEY LOST & I won. I'm gonna give you an honest quote I said outloud @ home 1 time (crying hard), when going through the worst of depression, "You shall not have me. I am a child of GOD & he loves me & I love him. Jesus claimed me a long time ago when I was 6 yrs old". That absolute triumph feeling is what I celebrate. I celebrate that they lost & I won. I celebrate my earning my emotional independance. I celebrate the fact that I AM a former victim - no longer the sum-total of my experiences, rather I AM THE WOMAN LENORE - living as she chooses. I celebrate the courage I had to face myself & recognize those parts of me that needed changing & CHANGED THEM - w/o blame or pointing the finger @ anyone = BLAME BELONGS TO NOONE.
I was @ a point 4 yrs ago, that despite never having taken any med in my life, I needed their help. I made a very well informed decision to take them, based on my case/facts/symptoms. I THANK GOD EVERY SINGLE DARN DAY for their help -relieving my symptoms "just enough" that I could do the work necessary. I worked hard enough that here I am today, no longer needing their help. I would never cut off my nose to spite my face - I did what was right for me.
Let me say this: this posting I'm making is NOT a call to rally everyone up to CONSIDER TAKING MEDICATION - no. I am no dr. However, to those of you suffering fr anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + depression, etc look @ me as an example of THE POSSIBILITY - the very real possibility that RECOVERY is 100% possible. You too can recover + defy odds & make it through to the other side - go & ahead, do it - I'LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE & TOGETHER, we shall celebrate.
Your Friend,
LENORE
I am a sentimental soul - as I've described myself to y'all, I'M A 24/7 WALKING & TALKING "CHICK FLICK" hahahahah :p . Having recovered now fr anxiety disorder/panic attacks + ptsd + depression - I find myself wanting to celebrate WELL, JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. I so feel like a sponge to water - wanting to absorb things as never b/4 - cause now, I am experiencing things anew - w/o the burdens & chains that had bound me in yr's prior. It kind of equates to seeing things w/ a new set of eyes - maybe even seeing things for the 1st time, if you will. This 1 particular celebration, is a BIG ONE to me.
It was almost 4 yrs ago my anxiety disorder triggered. Oh, I was in an extreme state. I won't regurgitate every detail, as I've posted my story many times here. I will rehash this: I was informed by 2 separate dr's, that I WAS 1 OF THE WORST CASES THEY HAD EVER SEEN. I was 2 steps away fr being put in a psych hospital - a fact later confirmed to me by my "former psychiatrist" (yeah, I can say "former" now - cause I DID GRADUATE THERAPY - AIN'T THAT THE BEST DARN THING). I was so in over my head - I couldn't see the forest fr the trees - cross my heart honest. I required, out of sheer necessity, an anxiety med 3x's per day + 2 sleep aids. Lord have mercy, on top of all that, I had issues/pains/events to work through - like I was a walking 2 WK'S OF OPRAH - no exageration there. I didn't understand anything enough to know if recovery "were possible". YET STILL, HERE I AM - I faced my past + myself & I felt the pains necessary for RECOVERY TO BE MINE. All those ailments tried damn hard to claim me as their own. They filled me w/more pain + anguish + fear + heartache than I assumed 1 person could bare. They tried to paralize me the facts of my experiences - "you're an abused child - molested - abandoned". Well, THEY LOST & I won. I'm gonna give you an honest quote I said outloud @ home 1 time (crying hard), when going through the worst of depression, "You shall not have me. I am a child of GOD & he loves me & I love him. Jesus claimed me a long time ago when I was 6 yrs old". That absolute triumph feeling is what I celebrate. I celebrate that they lost & I won. I celebrate my earning my emotional independance. I celebrate the fact that I AM a former victim - no longer the sum-total of my experiences, rather I AM THE WOMAN LENORE - living as she chooses. I celebrate the courage I had to face myself & recognize those parts of me that needed changing & CHANGED THEM - w/o blame or pointing the finger @ anyone = BLAME BELONGS TO NOONE.
I was @ a point 4 yrs ago, that despite never having taken any med in my life, I needed their help. I made a very well informed decision to take them, based on my case/facts/symptoms. I THANK GOD EVERY SINGLE DARN DAY for their help -relieving my symptoms "just enough" that I could do the work necessary. I worked hard enough that here I am today, no longer needing their help. I would never cut off my nose to spite my face - I did what was right for me.
Let me say this: this posting I'm making is NOT a call to rally everyone up to CONSIDER TAKING MEDICATION - no. I am no dr. However, to those of you suffering fr anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + depression, etc look @ me as an example of THE POSSIBILITY - the very real possibility that RECOVERY is 100% possible. You too can recover + defy odds & make it through to the other side - go & ahead, do it - I'LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE & TOGETHER, we shall celebrate.
Your Friend,
LENORE
I am so happy for you. I just reached a one year anniversary in therapy, my doctor still has me on anxiety meds. Was it hard being taken off the anxiety and sleep meds? My doctor told me that at the end of February, 1 year anniversary from my mom's cancer diagnosis, that I would be stepped off. Were you ready when you went off or did you feel emotionally dependent upon them? I feel great right now and sometimes forget to take my meds, but my doctor wants to continue with my therapist while using the anxiety meds. My therapist is in agreement and ready to work with me and my doctor to be stepped off starting in January 2009. 