Stress Center Peer Support

I am married and for about the last 6 months I can't get this one older guy out of my head. I have bought clothes just to attract him etc., and I dont know why. He always acts interested in me and has asked me out to lunch. I haven't ever went even though I would love too. I know it is inappropriate. Me and my husband have had a lot of issues since we've gotten married.

Well, I give this older guy my number and we have chit chatted briefly not any longer then 20mins. Anyways, I feel really really bad about it. I know it's not right, but I feel like even if he tries to contact me again I know I will respond. I don't want to hurt my husband but he has hurt me in very similar ways in the past. I dont think I am doing any of these things for spite. Also this guy is an older man and he is married as well.

I know it is a bad situation and I am causing myself a lot of stress with this situation. The thing is I think I am making a bigger deal out of it then what needs to be. I dont want to do anything that I will regret but it's like I have no self control. Does anyone have any advice?? Someone slap me back into my senses....

Please stop it now before you can't. My husband had an affair and it nearly destroyed our family and our extended families. If you are having issues in your marriage, you need to address those with your spouse. You cannot look outside your marriage for advice on your marriage, unless it is a professional.

You are opening yourself up to a very bad situation. Don't destroy your family or another's for self gratification.

Talk to your husband. You owe it to him and yourself to address the issues there first. If you cannot resolve them, then a separation may be needed. Whatever happens, leave the married man alone. If you end up apart from your husband, find someone new, not someone who already belongs to someone.

blueskies4me,

I agree. Stop before things get ugly. For whatever reason, you are looking to justify yourself by saying your husband has done something similar in the past. Regardless of the past, what matters is now and the decisions you make now.

You are NEVER not in control of yourself. You ALWAYS have a choice. It is one thing to have self-control and another to actually use it!

I have to wonder why you would post here asking for advice especially if you truly believe you will go with it regardless of knowing it is wrong.

I would also encourage counseling. Marriage takes work, noone ever said it was going to be easy.

I would tell you to take a time out, close your eyes and turn this scenario around. Picture your husband with someone else, how would this make you feel ? If you don't care, then perhaps you should cut him loose before you hurt him more.

You say you don't know why you are doing this but I think it's fair to say that you want the attention (??)

Well I posted this here because I was having a lot of stress with the situation and I needed to get somethings out...because in fact I dont know why I feel the way I do about this person.

I agree totally with both of you. I am just going to ignore the situation and it will go away. I do need to address this with my husband in order to make myself feel better. My husband has did these things to me as well, so I do know how it feels.

Of course I wouldnt want to hurt him like he did me. I am sorry if I have offended anyone just needed some solid advice. I knew what I should do but I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. I am normally a very sound headed person but I guess I have those thoughts like being swept up and away from all my troubles and I suppose this was my ticket out or so I thought. Stupid I know. Thanks for the advice.

Didn't mean to come down on you Blue. I am just a little sensitive to this topic. I am guilty of fantasizing too. We all are. But what we have to realize is no one is perfect. That knigh on a white steed does not exist. If this man has a wife and is pulling this with you, what do you think he would do to you down the road if you did hook up with him. Try to find ways to build your own self esteem and work on your marriage. Those should be your #1 priority. Good luck.

My husband and I will be married for 5 years in a few weeks and recently things have begun to change. I suspect an affair or at the very least that he has feelings for someone else. There have been many signs and this has been the catalyst of my depression and anxiety. All of this has turned my life upside down. I am trying to redirect my focus and remember that I have 2 children. I realize I am not being helpful but this really hit home for me. Please try to remember that when someone is married there are people who love and depend on them. The issues I'm having are a direct result of my husband having feelings for another person. When you love someone with all your heart and soul its hard to let go. You don't want to do this to someone.

blueskies4me,

Been in your situation and did more than just flirt with the temptation. It may seem like an affair will bring some happiness to your life, but it does the opposite.

If you need someone to talk to about this.. I can definitely be there for you in a nonjudgemental way.

Hi Blueskies4me!!!
You sound to me like you have already figured out your situation pretty well! The responses I read so far - all sound like good advice.
I also have some advice that helped me Progress against Anx. and Dep.
I strive to never be embarrassed by asking ?'s or for advice from those I admire...
There are no Stupid Questions!!!
And there is no better place to post such Questions as here. For us - who else could understand our situation, as the other Members in our Group do!
P.S. I love your Screen Name! Seadog

Hi seadog.

I love your screen name. I love the sea. It's so beautiful.

I too am available to help anyone with issues in this area. Having gone through an affair involving 2 married couples, I know how it effects everyone and everything. I learned some very valuable lessons and most importantly I learned how strong I am. If you are considering an affair, are in an affair, or were the victim of an affair and would like some support and advice, I am here.