Stress Center Peer Support

Sounds odd I know, but I am a bit over weight, I've reached the section about diet and exercise and I do want to get out but I am scared of people looking at me. I live in a rural area so a gym is out of the question, I bought a treadmill but find it really boring so I think the only option is to get out a run on a beach which is a 5 min walk from home, I'd have to go at about 5.30am before work but even so, I'm still concious of what people will think. If I was skinny I wouldn't mind as much.

Any advice appreciated

Celeron-
This is not odd at all. I have felt the same way. Don't hesitate - alternate walking and running and enjoy the beach and being outside. I've learned that people are focused on themselves while they are exercising or out and about - they don't really care about others. This is all in our heads, not theirs. Put some headphones on and concentrate on your favorite music. Let it be your time and ENJOY!!

I began walking and or running 5 miles a day last June. I live in a small town of 500 and was so self conscious about what people thought. Then one day my husband told me to tell anyone who made a comment, "At least I'm doing something, why don't you try and keep up" I say it sarcastically but I have developed quite a fan base. Now when I run by certain places, if these same people are outside they cheer me on. Some of them also comment that they wish they had that kind of energy and dedication. So do it for you and your health because no one else will. And remember that all those people who you think are watching are probably very proud of you or jealous that they are not out doing the same thing. You can do it.

I just want to encourage you to get active. When I see someone that is over weight out walking I say a silent "good for them" because they are doing something to help themselves. Like hockeymom7 said, most people are thinking about themselves when they are out. If you walk the same route every day you will also build relationships with those you see at the same time. If getting up before work is too much effort, you can walk during your lunch hour. Just do it .. you won't regret it.

I'm familiar with how this feels. I don't like walking by myself because I feel like people feel sorry for me...like I don't have any friends to walk with or something. I also have always felt like someone was watching me even when I know I am alone and no one is anywhere near me. Weird huh?

Celeron,

This isn't odd at all. I have gotten picked on for my weight but for differnt reasons, and I have felt weird about working out as well. Don't worry what others think, this is your health that you are talking about not theirs. I started wokring out at home and it made a huge difference on how I felt about myself. I also had alot less anxiety, I need to get back into the habbit because I need that feeling again. Don't worry about others and what they think, there are many people that feel the same way you do, but when you get a good workout then you will feel so much more confident about yourself.

Jennifier

I'm just completing session 4. For all of you who wrote about excercising and Jennifer you said you worked out at home. I can relate as for me working out at home doing low impact arobics has kept me going for the past 18 years when I was going through a stressful time. Although I have had A/P/D for over 30 years I don't know what I would have done without my tape. And yes I'm not much for working out in a Gym and running was not for me and where I live in a rural community also there are mountain lions etc so I'm discouraged to walk.
It is a wonderful way to release stress and I always feel so much better both physically AND mentally.

Keep it up and good luck with the program, it's been extremely helpful so far. I was proud of myself this morning when I made it through my dental appt eventhough the novacaine wouldn't numb me until finally another assoc. dentist gave me ANOTHER injections! I was very nervous but used the 6 steps and didn't tremble like I usually do.

Hugs!

Barbara U.

I am thin at least to most peoples thinking and I still don't like to walk in a public place because I don't want people looking at me. I have a Denise Austin work out show that I do every day. It's low impact and she is very positive and encouraging. When I started I could only do about 10 minutes of it but now I do the whole thing every day and take weekends off. I enjoying working out at home because I can work hard without feeling self-conscious.

Dear CELERON:

I understand your apprehension & respective feelings - I WAS THERE TOO! However, I'd like to offer you some words of encouragement if I may - DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

Listen, when my anxiety disorder triggered in APRIL 2005 - it was bad. As per my reg dr & psychiatrist(whom have never met eachother or spoken about me) "my case was 1 of the worst they had ever seen". Out of sheer necessity - I was on CLONAZAPAM 3x's per day + 2 sleep aid to combat severe sleep deprivation(1-2 hrs per every 24hrs) + it forced me to NOT BE ABLE TO WORK + TOTALLY DEPENDANT ON MY HUSBAND. Mind you, I had been on my own 10 yrs b/4 getting married in 1997 - I lived on my own, worked ft & graduated college @ nite w/ 3.9 GPA - so my not being able to work & being totally dependant SHOCKED ME - SCARED ME - & HURT MY HEART. I resolved to take action IMMEDIATELY AGAINST THIS "THING" I DIDN'T QUITE YET UNDERSTAND. I initated therapy w/ a psychiatrist. Based on my particular background, therapy was needed - b/4 I was even ready for the program(traumatic childhood).

IT all came dwn to <span class="ev_code_RED">ME DESPERATELY WANTING TO "FEEL BETTER".</span> That was my MOTIVATER throughout. After initiating therapy - I initated journaling & I read 16 books on anxiety disorder - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER & LORD I needed some, lol. I went through 20 mths of very intensive therapy - going back every single week & never missing 1 week. WHY? <span class="ev_code_RED">Again, because I wanted to FEEL BETTER.</span> As hard/frightening/painful as the sessions were - each session brought me 1 step closer to FEELING BETTER. The more I addressed & UNBURNDENED myself - the better I felt.

I was ready to face myself & in NOV 2006 - I started Lucinda's program. She talked about dietary intake & exercising & its relationship to ANXIETY DISORDER. So, I told myself "well, she's been right so far - so, I'm going to listen to her". Right around the time I started the program, I started exercising - or I should say MOVING. You see, I hadn't exercised in YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - I got FAT(I own it) & LAZY - Me walking 10 min's around my neighborhood felt like a NYC MARATHON. That was an eye opener for me. Never the less - I was honest w/ myself & knew this is what I CAN DO - then, I am going to do THIS everyday. So, everyday, as I worked through the program - I walked outside w/ my IPOD. I don't really recall worrying about what anyone else thought about me - trust me, I WAS FAT THEN - <span class="ev_code_RED">I will put it out there to serve as an inspiring ex: I weighed 220lbs when I started her program. I am only 5'3 1/2 - that is a lot of weight for a short frame.</span>Again, I was no super hero - I was frightened as all hell. I was just DESPERATE to "FEEL BETTER" & out of that desperation came the will fr the pit of my soul & spirit to FIGHT IT W/ EVERY OUNCE OF BEING W/ IN ME. Again, Little by little - 1 DAY @ A TIME.

I completed Lucinda's program in MARCH 2007. Now, things were going very well - I was no longer taking any meds - NO ANXIETY MED OR SLEEP AIDS & I was experiencing RESULTS - no not instantly - slowly, methodically - but they were happening. It was because I SAW IT W/ MY OWN EYES & FELT IT - I said to myself "heck, doing these variety of things is helping me FEEL BETTER & RECOVER - than guess what? I'M A KEEP DOING THEM.

In April 2007 Depress triggered for the 1st time in my entire life(I'm 39). It was pretty heavy & after consultation w/ my therapist - I agreed to go on a depress med - NO BIG DEAL, IT DIDN'T MEAN FOREVER. You see, my depress is whats termed "situational depress". Meaning, combine the past 3 years & all they entailed: not working + home alone while hubby/family/friends were out working & in the world + 20mths of the most intensive therapy a most can experience - facing issues I wouldn't wish on anyone + going thru a CBT PROGRAM(Lucinda's program) = facing & changing myself - which is 1 of the hardest things to do in life TRUST ME ON THAT. That was a lot of stuff condensed into 3 yrs - so, my getting depress - while not fun - was understanding = CAUSE & EFFECT.

I am smart enough to know - the way to get myself out of depress is by FACING THE THINGS BEHIND IT. I had a quiteria taking the depress med - WE WERE GONNA DISCUSS WHAT WAS BEHIND IT SO EVENTUALLY I WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE IT. Again, being repetative, the goal being <span class="ev_code_RED">ME WANTING TO "FEEL BETTER".</span>Each issue needed to be addressed, that being behind my depress, was like a stone in a road - the ROAD TO RECOVERY FR DEPRESSION. So, 1 by 1, I addressed them. I came to 2 BIG ISSUES: food & my weight. I came along to this issue & initiated it in therapy. I faced the food issues in therapy & decided I really needed to make some serious changes. I was compassionate - yet very honest w/ myself: <span class="ev_code_RED">You just don't feel good - mentally/emotionally/physically/spiritually being 220lbs + eating an excessive amt of the wrong foods + not exercising AT ALL + having a lifetimes worth of surpressed pain/anger/fear + being so embroiled in the past & bitterly resentful that defiantly I WAS RIGHT & HAD TO BE RIGHT & DAMN IT i WAS STAYING RIGHT - carrying that type of negativity - irrevalent to any justification was not good for me & sure as a pig in poopy DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.</span>

So, upon addressing my personal food issues in therapy - I decided to initate some things:
1) My stamina had been building up since initating waling in nov-2006. So, I started slowly using the treadmill @ home. Then, after building up a little more - I joined a gym w/ my hubby. Let me tell you about the VERY 1ST DAY @ THE GYM: I know me & instinctively I'd want to do WHAT I KNEW I USED TO DO YRS AGO - that was then & this is now. CONSISTENCY ='S RESULTS - I knew I could walk about 20min's on treadmill & that is what I resolved to do. I went over to this treadmill & there was this gentlement on the machine next to me - He was jogging & let me tell you, lol HE HAD MUSCLES IN PLACES YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD HAVE MUSCLES, LOL LOL For about 2.2 miliseconds I let that get to me - & I STOPPED MYSELF - comparing me to him isn't gonna get me to FEELING BETTER - so I got on MY TREADMILL & w/ absolute pride - I started walking - w/ the VERY 1ST STEP - I WAS TAKING CARE OF ME - I WAS A MEMBER OF THAT GYM - I WAS DOING IT.

Then, I had a talk w/ my hubby(who doesn't never had anxiety prob or depress) - we were both very over weight & I was getting frightened that we were both going in the wrong direction. SEE, FOR ME - I have a genetic predisposition to high cholesterol + heart disease + strokes . So, it was about time I PLAYED GROWNUP & TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME. We both joined WEIGHT WATCHERS. I like WEIGHT WATCHERS - cause its not a diet or gimick. They teach you about changing negative behaviors associated w/ food & exercise - making them into possitive & healthy ones. They teach you about lifestyle changes - oppose to a GET THIN QUICK SCHEME - they teach you about NOT STARVING YOURSELF OR DEPRIVATION - that never works - rather THEY TEACH YOU ABOUT HEALTHIER CHOICES OVERALL. When I went to my 1st meeting & weighed in(something you do every week @ the weekly held meetings) I weighed 211LBS - that is fat any way you wanna try to spin it. It was a necessary wakeup call.

I had to start somewhere & create changes - if I wanted to feel better. Sure, there were physical & health benefits to CHANGING MY EATING HABITS & EXERCISING. My main incentive was in regards to ANXIETY DISORDER & DEPRESSION. The rest came as an added & needed benefit.

Fast forward fr JUNE 2007(when I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS & made a true committment to myself about exercising) to NOW: <span class="ev_code_RED">I currently weigh 153lbs - yes ma'am/sir - that means I've lost almost 58lbs in a short 9 mths I think.</span> Let me tell you how very hard it is to have depress & take on my food issues & exercising - EXTREMELY HARD. But, if I wanted to FEEL BETTER - I needed to do it - I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO DO IT, IF I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER - I HAD TO EARN IT = I HAD TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. It didn't happen overnight. Rather, a little @ a time, 1 day @ a time - creating LIFESTYLE CHANGES GEARED TOWARDS <span class="ev_code_RED">BEING HEALTHIER + FEELING HEALTHIER + LIVING HEALTHIER.</span>.

I made myself a promise - a PACT if you will: I will take things 1 day @ a time - no guarantees other than that ONE. 1 day @ a time I CHOOSE TO: make healthier choices w/ my food - cause I control what I put in my mouth: remember life & problems will still be there after that DOUGHNUT - so emotional eating doesn't solve things - it only exagerates them. 1 day @ a time - I CHOOD TO: exercise or take a walk = anything to be physically active. 1 day @ a time I CHOOSE TO become more informed about food & dietary intake: via books + magazines + on line info - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER & THAT LEADS TO MY ULTIMATE GOAL = <span class="ev_code_RED">FEELING BETTER.</span>. 1 day @ a time I CHOOSE TO take care of me - love me - pamper me: if I give my body/mind/soul/spirit GOOD & HEALTHY THINGS - MY BODY IN TURN will give me GOOD & HEALTHY THINGS BACK. Listen, there are things totally out of my control. However, WHAT I CHOOSE TO PUT IN MY MOUTH/EAT + EXERCISING/BEING MORE PHYSICALLY ACTIVE - is totally w/ in my control & it is things things THAT HELP ME "FEEL BETTER". I told myself when making this pact - 1 day @ a time - no more or less. This worked for me so I could GRADUALLY create the necessary lifestyle changes & so I wouldn't overwhelm myself.

I stand(cyberly lol lol ) b/4 you RECOVERED FR ANXIETY DISORDER + NOT ON ANY ANXIETY MEDS OR SLEEP AIDS FOR 1 1/2 + YEARS + RECOVERING VERY NICELY FR DEPRESS + HEALTHIER & MORE MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY/PHYSICALLY/SPIRITUALLY "FIT" than I have ever been in my entire life. It takes time to create change - & its not easy. BUT GOSH - LOOK AT THE REWARDS - HONEST. Whenever "old ways" try to seep in, I REMEMBER WHEN ANXIETY DISORDER TRIGGERED & THE EXTREME STATE I WAS IN - no not out of fear - as a MOTIVATOR/REMINDER that there are things I need to do to maintain feeling better - if I do them, I feel good - if I don't feel better I don't.

My self esteem was in the gutter back then - I was so darn worried what others thought - the thing is - when anxiety disorder did trigger - IT WAS ALL W/ IN ME - those other folks couldn't help me face my past, face myself & change those parts of me that created the anxiety disorder - those other people couldn't eat healthier for me or exercise for me - SO WHAT THE HECK WHAT I GETTING ABOUT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT THEY THOUGHT? Out of sheer time & energy - I gave up worrying about what folks thought & focused all I am & have on RECOVERY + CHANGING + <span class="ev_code_RED">FEELING BETTER.</span>

I understand how you feel - for I was there myself. I tell you, give up focusing on what others think & use that great mind of yours & that courage & will power to CREATE HEALTHY changes 1 DAY @ A TIME - do it for you cause you deserve it - you deserve a life w/ inner peace - feeling healthier - physically healthier. It is you who has the POWER - it is also you who has the responsibility to make it happen. Remember, <span class="ev_code_RED">WALKING IS FREE.</span>

LENORE

Lenore
Thanks for the pep talk. I needed to hear it. I've fallen off track recently. But feel so motivated after reading your post. It's all about feeling better. Thank you. take care and God Bless.