Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone,
I am so debilitated. I posted a few weeks ago. I am disassociated b/c of my anxiety-ALWAYS! I always feel detached and like I am not "real". It is so annoying. I feel like I can only feel depressed or fear, nothing else. I have moments of clarity but they are few and far between. I don't avoid any activities but I constantly fight every day. My thoughts include, "i am here?" what if the people around me aren't really who they appear to be?" What if I feel this way forever? What if I forget where my house is?" They are all so ridiculous and so annoying and so irrational but they don't STOP! I am on meds, doing the program, acupuncture, therapy, yoga, and pray constantly b/c I'm a Christain. I am just so tired...please let me know if any of u feel this way. I'm desperate. Love- roc26

Of course you are not alone! This is the ego-thinking mind having a great time at your expense. One day you will beable to look back and see this for yourself.

You need to faithfully and all the time use your Thought Stoppage, calm breath and shifting your attention to whatever you are doing in the present moment. Make this a moment to moment thing you do to create a new habit.

STOP

Breathe in, hold for four, exhale through pursed lips (as often as you want to)

Shift your attention on to something outside of your head. (No matter how uncomfortable you feel.)

You can not stop the initial thoughts from coming in but you can stop the thoughts that follow by using, practicing and getting good at the above exercise. You feel like you are going nuts because you are allowing it.

You can also say "So What!" to all those questions you have. Tell yourself these questions are unimportant and you could care less. "Whatever I need to know is in the present moment - not in the past or the future."

Let go of wanting to know - just for now. We can do anything just for now.

Get started on doing these things so you can have some peace of mind.

I totally agree with Boon. I have felt the same way as you and never thought I could get over this. I still have some moments but I try to occupy my mind with something else.

I recently started a new job and I am so occupied each day that I don't think about things as much. Yes, there are moments and I just say "STOP", take a deep breath and it goes away.

Don't beat yourself up. It will get better. I didn't think I would be getting better and be able to do things now that I couldn't do 2 months ago.

Good luck.

I responded to you earlier, and I want you to know that you are not the only one by any means. After my son was diagnosed with autism, and I was near the path of an f-4 tornado, I definitely went into a major state of dissociation. It's not fun, and I promise you I know that. I didn't know who I was when I looked in the mirror. I felt fragmented. Sometimes I felt like all I had was a huge head to my body. I kept going to bed at night just hoping that I would wake up the next day and be me again. I stayed in that acute phase for months, and then it gradually lessened over the years, but it took a while. A lot of soul searching, lining up with God's love that no matter who I am, He is who He is, etc. I mean I can remember just being in that very "crazy" phase, and this woman who was praying for me saying "You are a child of God." I was comforted, and then I got in the car and turned it on Christian radio and it was the same message. A lady was complaining that she didn't know who she was, and her friend said, "You are a child of God." You are a Child of God. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine. When you don't know who you are, He knows who you are. He made you. He knitted you together in your mother's womb. You exist because He made you to exist to love you, and for you to love Him. Sometimes it's just that simple, and very amazing at the same time. Some of the things that helped me get through that acute time were reading Lucinda's book from Panic to Power that mentions the symptom and how to deal with it, and another book called "Stranger in the Mirror-Dissociation the Hidden Epidemic". I had to really focus on comforting myself. I remember one time when I thought I was going to stay that way forever, a therapist said, "Have you ever lost yourself and not come back?" No. That had never happened, and it really hasn't happened to you either. You did come back. I did come back, and it took longer than I wanted it to. Also, you're not focusing on when you're not depersonalizing, you are focusing on when you are so that's just a part of negative thinking. You are being rational. You are functioning. It really is just a major and common symptom of anxiety and trauma.
I know you want to snap your fingers and get out of it. I know that you've done so much that you just want what you have done to work, and you deserve that. At the same time, are you loving yourself? Are you seriously comforting yourself like it's an emergency to comfort yourself(not because you are going to die or anything but because you need to make taking care of yourself your main priority)? Are you having healthy boundaries? Are you getting adequate sleep and rest? Some times when you're like this you just want to keep going, and I've found that your body needs to rest because it's under a lot of stress. I'm having a good time in recovery right now because I gave myself a break from work, and I've been getting better at resting and listening to my body without feeling guilty.
Have you looked into the Claire Weeke's books? Have you looked into boundaries as being a focus of your work in therapy? Try looking at the Christian book Boundaries written by Henry Cloud. He also has others. It really is a major issue to have good boundaries to protect yourself by letting good things in your life, and keeping bad things out, and finding out who you are and who you aren't. I really found that lessens the depersonalization tremendously. Actually, this work can be fun. When you're feeling like this try to focus on the fact that the prescription is being nice to yourself and comforting yourself-wrapping up in a fuzzy warm blanket, sipping tea, watching a favorite movie, listening to your favorite music, eating a favorite food in moderation, talking lovingly to yourself, taking a nap, etc. That's a fun prescription even though it doesn't feel good to have the dissociation.
I am replying to you again because I really do know how you feel about this symptom. It really isn't fun, and I know there are others on here who feel the same way and for as long as you have. You really aren't the only one, and you will get better. "This too shall pass" isn't always fun, but the more you fight the symptom the more stress you will have and the more your brain will produce the chemicals to make you depersonalize. So focus on making some different chemicals in your brain by comforting yourself:).
Hope you don't think I'm being rude by repeating this advice to you. I just really care, and I know that it really can get better. It feels miraculous so I just try to encourage anyone with this symptom that I can. It's also O.K. for you to come on here any time and just vent and ask others if they feel the same way that you do. I did that too.
God Bless You,
luvpiggy

I feel the same way! I try to control my thoughts and just get caught up in my negative/guilty feelings for something I am not even responsible for! I will try the holding of my breath and hope that helps. I work part-time and am a mother of a toddler. I have alot of down time at work driving mostly and try to stay focused with my toddler, but those negative thoughts concerning from family of origian keep coming back.