Stress Center Peer Support

This question is for everyone that deals with Pure "O"..in a sense...I would like any advice or reassurance from those that can relate to this.. UGH!! I am so frustrated with myself right now! I KNOW that I have come A LOOONG way, and for the most part, I have learned to control the anxiety, let it flow in and out and it really doesn't get to me anymore, HOWEVER now it's just making me ANGRY!!! Boon, I read ALL of your posts, as you seem to have alot of understanding with OCD, Help me if you can PLEEEEAAASSEE Okay, so after that long intro..here goes nothing
My lastest bout has been strictly about my husband. I've posted some things about my "insecurity", but lately I've had the vivid, almost believable "WHAT IFS"..and that doesn't REALLY scare me, as I'm using the same technique as with everything else, but what is "scaring" me is "What if" I start believing my "what ifs"..does that make sense??? I feel like it's almost paranoia now..or suspicion if you will. I tell myself, that he's always at home at night, he calls me through the day and he shows me alot of affection ...so what do I have to be "worried" about??? But the "thoughts" hound me alot lately and it's making me exhausted, to say the least. Now some of you know that my ex husband cheated on me, which was the ultimate reason why we divorced, and I KNOW some of my "feelings" stem from that, but GEEEEZE that was over 12 yrs ago!! I feel that I am over that pain, crossed that bridge, etc. So, why is it affecting me still after all this time???? Other than this issue, I have had tremendous freedom and courage with the "program", but I seem to be stuck on this one! Anyone out there relate??? Please feel free to share, I need some encouragement So, there it is, I need some advice.. Thank all, I appreciate all of you!

First of all - ALL what if questions are a form of worry. They are always in the future. It is pointless to answer a "what if" question. Your ego-thinking mind does not have a crystal ball. It exaggerates. It lies. You know this already. DO NOT ANSWER A WHAT IF QUESTION. If you must respond, reply in the positive. What if he's being faithful? What if he's not cheating on me? (You get the idea.)

You can use designated worry time. Don't find a solution. Just right your worst case scenerio and read it daily for 45 minutes a day until you no longer have an emotional charge to your "exaggerated concerns".

You are in your head too much. (A proven OCD symptom!) You take yourself out of your head by using thought stoppage, calm breath and then focusing on something outside of yourself. Get involved in a project, doing dishes, writing in your journal, play ball, walk, read, carry on a conversation with someone, water plants, etc. You can't stop the initial thought but you can stop the following thoughts.

Also, you don't want to resist the fact that you have these obsessive thoughts. So tell yourself that "it's OK to have these thoughts (and it is) but I don't have to get attached to them. They can come and go as they please without my involvement in them."

Remind yourself (out loud if necessary) that you do not answer "what if' questions and practice staying as present as possible. What ever you need to know will come to you from the present moment. Practice. You can get very good at this.

BOY ARE YOU QUICK I even checked to see if you were online..and you were'nt but here you are!! Thank you ever so much! and you are right! I knew the answer, I just didn't know the steps, if you know what I mean??? I've gotten so far with my "new" or reformed way of thinking, hence why it frustrates me to be going through this part I know it's "all in my head" and that I'm "in my head way too much", I do use the "get busy" technique(I have twins, so I don't even feel that I should be "in my head" too much) but none the less I am and I NEED to change it!!! and I am, one thing at a time, and it is working!! I appreciate your imput Boon, as I said, I always read your posts, you are very knowledgeable and I look forward to reading more...keep up the good work!! We all benefit here God bless you and again THANKS!!!!!

Of course I have questions, why do I have this disease? I know why, but how do I deal with it? It is a part of my life every day, I hate it.