Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:44 am
Everything's just all jumbled up in my head right now. Physically, I have the crud (stopped up head, throat on fire, pressure in the sinuses), my stomach burns from the ibuprofin for my neck, and my neck and shoulder pain has been relentless for several weeks (there's an old whiplash injury, a bulging disc, and arthritis/bone spurs all in the same spot in there).
The weather here is still bad, but no damage or anything from Gustav. But I have to go to town today for several reasons. I know better than to go with all the people coming back through and the tornado warnings, but I want to know this crud out b/c I feel horrible. And ya'll might remember my experience with a new psychiatrist that wasn't good. I am trying the replacement dr for my old one today. It'd be 3 weeks to get back in with her. Plus she's doing an evaluation which I never had done with the old one. I can't really even tell you what my diagnosis is. I've got several other things too but there's something in my head saying "You're going to stress out if you try to do this with two kids!"
And then there's the little fight we had here at the house the other day. Seems like I'm very quick to mention the bad things that are rough, then I never say anything positive about my husband. But, sometimes I end up in a mood for some reason and don't want to talk. He sees the wheels turning up there and sees me suffering inside and wants to help. I'm determined to work it out alone (not be burdening, negative), but it's like quicksand. So fast forward to me being distraught-not functioning- and him being frustrated. He says it's silly to hold in all in when we might can work thru whatever together. I say it makes me too dependant on him.
Well, eventually he'll lose his temper, I'll cry, hateful things will be said on his part and we eventually face whatever it is together anyway. He says it's bad that he has to lose his temper for me to snap out of it. When it's done, it's done- for him. He can move on from anything. I'll be fine for a while, then a thought will pop back up. He can apologize until the cows come home for something said in anger, but it will still haunt me.
This time, I got angry and was spouting off too. I have never done that with him. It HURTS me to hurt him, and I went in every direction until I had him in tears. I left out the door (for church, isn't that hypocritical) with the kids, and it killed me to think of him there upset over what I said. It's like it's hard to live with what I've done. The old sticks and stones theory is sometimes false. Words can hurt bad. So the divorce word has flown from him, and I'm so stubborn I stayed as cold-hearted as you can get.
We had a cooling off, were BOTH at fault, and talked it out. Everything is fine. Every couple has fights, right? Surely we're not the only ones who lose our temper. And sometimes you are the worst to someone who is closest.
So we forgive and forget, but when happens when the forgetting part doesn't work so well and the words haunt you- mine and his?
The weather here is still bad, but no damage or anything from Gustav. But I have to go to town today for several reasons. I know better than to go with all the people coming back through and the tornado warnings, but I want to know this crud out b/c I feel horrible. And ya'll might remember my experience with a new psychiatrist that wasn't good. I am trying the replacement dr for my old one today. It'd be 3 weeks to get back in with her. Plus she's doing an evaluation which I never had done with the old one. I can't really even tell you what my diagnosis is. I've got several other things too but there's something in my head saying "You're going to stress out if you try to do this with two kids!"
And then there's the little fight we had here at the house the other day. Seems like I'm very quick to mention the bad things that are rough, then I never say anything positive about my husband. But, sometimes I end up in a mood for some reason and don't want to talk. He sees the wheels turning up there and sees me suffering inside and wants to help. I'm determined to work it out alone (not be burdening, negative), but it's like quicksand. So fast forward to me being distraught-not functioning- and him being frustrated. He says it's silly to hold in all in when we might can work thru whatever together. I say it makes me too dependant on him.
Well, eventually he'll lose his temper, I'll cry, hateful things will be said on his part and we eventually face whatever it is together anyway. He says it's bad that he has to lose his temper for me to snap out of it. When it's done, it's done- for him. He can move on from anything. I'll be fine for a while, then a thought will pop back up. He can apologize until the cows come home for something said in anger, but it will still haunt me.
This time, I got angry and was spouting off too. I have never done that with him. It HURTS me to hurt him, and I went in every direction until I had him in tears. I left out the door (for church, isn't that hypocritical) with the kids, and it killed me to think of him there upset over what I said. It's like it's hard to live with what I've done. The old sticks and stones theory is sometimes false. Words can hurt bad. So the divorce word has flown from him, and I'm so stubborn I stayed as cold-hearted as you can get.
We had a cooling off, were BOTH at fault, and talked it out. Everything is fine. Every couple has fights, right? Surely we're not the only ones who lose our temper. And sometimes you are the worst to someone who is closest.
So we forgive and forget, but when happens when the forgetting part doesn't work so well and the words haunt you- mine and his?
