Stress Center Peer Support

I just wanted to post a question out there that came up in a topic I previously posted. What is or who is your motivation do get better? Is it you, your spouse, a friend, a parent?

The reason I ask is because I've been in slump with my anxiety over the last few months. I was really motivated in the beginning of the program and now I'm moving slower with it. However, whenever I speak or see my parents, I am more motivated to get better. Maybe it's because I don't want to dissapoint them. I don't know what it is. My parents keep telling me if I am having such a hard time with my anxiety then I should move back home. I don't know if that is the answer but at the same time what I'm doing isn't the answer is.

I guess I wanted to hear from others to see if a paticular person or thing has motivated them to change. I know different things work for different people but I was just curious.

Thanks

I truly believe you have to want it for yourself first. You have to be number one right now ( just my thought ). You getting better will have an end result of making others happy for you. You need to love and like yourself in order to be liked and loved by others. Nobody can fix you but you. People should be supportive of this and will be if you are trying your best to feel better. It's a long process but Aren't you worth it...YES YOU ARE. Just keep saying it's me I have to fix for myself and believe in yourself everyday. I hope this came out right...I'm a little tired and achy right now so my brain is in fog mode. I know you will do this for the most important person...YOU, AND ONLY YOU!! Good Luck

Hi GI:
What an interesting question. I was intriqued by it. It made me think.
I realized that I wanted to get better so that I would be very comfortable in my own skin. Or in my little world, if you will.
My children are middle aged and they don't look to me for anything anymore.
I want to remain independant.
That means that I probably need to be able to drive myself places. Since there is no one here to take me around.
And I need to be able to shop.

And I'd like to feel reasonably well. I want to enjoy things. Like the pictures that Pecos and others post on one of the threads.

I don't want to be afraid of things.
I don't want to worry about the things that others might say or think of me.

I'd like to be comfortable about socializing.
I don't get out much, but I'd like to be able
to go to church and mix in with different gatherings, etc. (I have to admit that I'm not quite there just yet. I do stay in too much.)
Anyway, I believe the answer to your question
is that I want to be well mostly for me. But still, it would be nice to stay well so the kids won't worry. Again to remain independant.
I'll have to think about this some more.

I'm thinking that maybe you should get well for you. I would want my children to get well for themselves. They can't disappointment me.
Because I just want them to be themselves and to love themselves and be comfortable with themselves.
So I'm not sure you ought to try to live your life to the specifications of your parents.
But it is good to respect them. And love them.
But you need to find out what it is that YOU want for yourself.
This is only my idea on it. And I've been known to make mistakes.
Wishing you success and happiness.
Mary Jane

I do love myself..

But I want to fall in love with myself. I want to be soooo in love with myself..I dont feel that and I do not know how to get there!

How do u feel that? how do you make it all about YOU?!? I want that and I think that I give that to myself, however, I do not feel it like I should and like I see others feeling it...

Hi Mary Jane, That is a good response you posted. I feel very similar to you. I wish I didn't worry so much about what others think or say about me, I badly want to be comfortable in my own skin, and of course pray I can stay being independent. Too tired to say anymore right now, but I do think about you.
Joy

Wow, great posts everyone! I guess I have to agree with some of you in the fact of how do we make ourselves number one.

And it is impossible to succeed if you are not your own motivator and have trust in yourself????? Is it bad if someone else is the one to push you?

I've learned MANY A LESSONS during my journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder. LOL, lord have mercy, I even joked, "God is holding school/class in heaven & there are some angels using me as a science experiment to get extra credit" hahahhahah

1 of the hardest aspects of my recovery was my having to be home for 3 years, not working & alone majority of the time, while everyone I knew worked (hubby + our family + friends, etc). I was very lonely, sad, & ANGRY about it. I used to have these talks w/ God, "why is this happening to me? Why am I here alone? Where are all the people who love me? Why aren't they calling me to check up on me?" You get the idea. Obviously 1 of my problems, so I would realize later on, was my being EMOTIONALLY dependant on well just about anyone willing to give me the time of day. However, that situation (being alone a lot)- that I hated/dreaded the most - was the best thing that could have happened to me & my recovery.

You see, in my particular situation, I had a large amt of things/issues/deep surpressed emotions to work through. All my life, it was never a case for me of <span class="ev_code_RED">think & feel</span> . Rather, for me, it was always a case of <span class="ev_code_RED">live & survive = sink or swim</span> . I had always felt like I NEVER HAD A CHOICE due to the LIFE I WAS DELT. Anxiety Disorder gave me that choice via the very circumstance I hated by forcing my hand - it gave the TIME: the chance to sit still + not be distracted + face/acknowledge/feel/deal w/ all the events & their respective emotions I feared for yrs.

I was fighting for my life, no exageration. I was in a very bad state when my anxiety disorder triggered. I was diagnosed w/ anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD (fr 3 diff things). I required an anxiety med 3 x's per day + 2 sleep aids (I was only averaging 1-2 hrs of sleep per every 24 hrs). I was 2 steps away fr a PSYCH HOSP. I had to fight or allow it to further envelop me.

You see, what had to heal was inside of ME: not my husband/our family/friends - ME. It was I who went through these things. It was I who had all of these deeply surpressed - negative emotions. It was I who had anxiety disorder. It was I who needed to initate GETTING HELP - for me, initially, that was therapy w/ a psychiatrist. It was I who needed to change those parts of her personality that created the anxiety disorder. It was I who needed to learn FORGIVENESS & LETTING GO. It was I who needed to purchase & go through Lucinda's program. IT WAS I WHO NEEDED TO "WANT TO FEEL BETTER" . My husband + our family + friends + GOD HIMSELF, could NOT do any of those things FOR ME.

I am human - so I wasn't beyond needing support/help/love & comfort during this journey - I NEEDED THEM ALL & THEN SOME. However, while their support to me was very instrumental during my journey - it still was ONLY I WHO NEEDED TO TAKE THAT JOURNEY - if I wanted to heal & recover & FEEL BETTER.

Again, it was I feeling these terrible things = all the worst that anxiety disorder & then depression are/were. As a result of that fact, <span class="ev_code_RED">I WAS DOING THIS FOR ME - BY ME, W/ ME.</span> Anxiety disorder made me feel a level of fear beyond any normal compehension I had. It made me like I was in a world w/ in itself, BY MYSELF. Anxiety disorder made me physically & literally dependant on my HUSBAND for just about everything - that fact I hated. I was never a "needy/clingy" type of woman. Before we got married, we didn't live together: I lived on my own & he w/ his parents. I lived on my own 10 yrs b/4 I got married & worked full-time in NYC. In addition, as was a peronal criteria for me BEFORE I EVER GOT MARRIED, I also attended college @ nite & graduated w/ a 3.9 GPA. LOL, I graduated 1 yr b/4 we got married. I did this so I would always know I could do for myself - that I would have that sense of independance about me. That is why I was so darn miserable w/ the STATE OF BEING anxiety disorder was creating for me. I didn't feel like I was LIVING @ all. Rather, I felt like I was EXISTING. I wasn't happy.

I realized many things on my journey (them ANGELS in HEAVEN were getting that EXTRA CREDIT let me tell you, lol lol):

- I realized the people in our lives, whether it be our husband/lover/life partner + children + parents + syblings, friends, etc - they are there as EMBELISHMENTS to our life. In other words, they are there to SHARE our life - they are NOT there to make it for us. We are responsible for that.

- We are responsible for our own happiness + our mental - emotional - physical - & spiritual well being. If we are not happy w/ ourselves - if we don't love ourselves, we are not going to fully allow others to love us & us love them back to our fullest potential.

- RECOVERY FR ANXIETY DISORDER &/OR DEPRESSION costs - & here is where you start paying in sweat + committment + consistency + hard work + shedding the surpressed emotional pain(tears) + changing those parts of yourself that created the anxiety disorder. Recovery IS hard work - often, when you think you've given enough of yourself, feeling physically & emotionally spent - IT REQUIRES MORE. The results of all that hard work make it all WORTH IT & THEN SOME. In return, you get calmness + inner peace + tranquility + certainty & love of self + hope + inspiration + dreams become a real possibility, opposed to some far out concept (the list of the most wonderful things are infinite, cross my heart honest). Recovery DEMANDS "no excuses" + "no wallowing" + "no dwelling".

- Motivation comes from doing. We can't sit still & wait for it to arrive - to happen - to magically appear - no. We need to create it for ourselves. It is the ACT of our doing it anyway - when we feel we have nothing left, that motivation comes. It is when we are physically + emotionally spent, yet we do it anyway, that motivation comes. We create motivation for ourselves. We also find inspiration w/ in ourselves.

- Getting to know yourself & trusting yourself is very instrumental to recovery fr both ailments. Anxiety Disorder & Depression create extreme levels of self doubt. They fill our hearts/minds/souls/spirit w/ JUNK + BS(PARDON)= LIES + CONSTANT, mind & body numbing paralizing FEAR. Because we don't trust ourselves - we don't believe we have what it takes. CONSEQUENTLY, WE BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY TELL US. When we TRULY/MADLY/DEEPLY get to know ourselvs + trust ourselves + love ourselves, we can then HEAR our GUT = our GOD VOICE speaking very loudly - deep w/in our soul/subconscious self - that inspite of the nonsense anxiety & depress tell us - we listen to ourselves & WE DO IT ANYWAY - the OPPOSITE of everything these 2 ailments tell us. Sure, initially we may get assistance w/ this. We w/ anxiety disorder &/or depression are often so caught up in the process - we can't see the forest fr the trees. We are blinded to what & all we really are = all the great things we are capable of. Others (dr's + therapists + family + friends) can see it looking fr the outside in. Initially, use them as a GUIDE - to stear you in the right direction. Don't become overly dependant on them, assuming it is he/her/she/they/them that has your answer's. In the end, when recovery arrives @ your door (and it WILL) you will see you did all the work & it was you who had the answers all along - w/in yourself.

My MOTIVATION was + is + always will be(for the rest of my life) - my remembering WHAT & ALL it was like for me while I was in the depths of emotional HELL, while experiencing the worst of
all that anxiety disorder & depression were for me. My motivation will inclde my remembering where I was, where I've been, to where I am NOW + what it took for me to get there. My motivation will also include my not laxing off = letting things fall by the waist side - cause I AM NOW "FEELING BETTER" (them ANGELS IN HEAVEN got an A+ MAN, LOL LOL ^^5) :p My wanting to FEEL BETTER emcompassed many things & it also required many things of me. My realizing that + remembering that + MAINTAINING them - serve as my motivation. Finally, my MOTIVATION is the immense gratitude + compassion + empathy + humbledness + love I feel to & for OUR GOD: for helping me, guiding me, being my strength when I couldn't be for myself, loving me when I doubted loving myself, believing in me when often I doubted I had what it takes, giving me the MEANS to get the HELP I needed during this journey (therapy + medication + Lucinda's program, my husband/family & my earth angels = friends here on earth - just w/o the wings) & the HELP itself. They serve as a large motivation to me - a lge part of who I am is sm part of them all. So that, as I go on in my life - I hope to use my experiences to help + inspire + motivate others w/ anxiety disorder + depression + abuse + molestation + abandonement issues. So, as I carr on w/ my life - so too will they. Not everyone is given a 2nd chance @ life = a "do over". I was. That is my real motivation.

LENORE

God Bless you, Lenore.

That...is the answer to so many things.

Lenore, your post gives everyone hope and motivation!!! Way to go Girl!!!!

[quote]"God is holding school/class in heaven & there are some angels using me as a science experiment to get extra credit"- THAT'S A HOOT!

Wrong as it is- I still feel great getting some affirmation that I've done something good, better, right, well. A little encouragement goes a long way.

Faith is a key factor, too. And I'm starting to feel a little pride in what I do.