Stress Center Peer Support

Today has been a real rough day for me. when my boyfriend got home i told him i dont feel good today and he said "when do you ever feel good" (which is true for the past 4 months and sooo depressing i want to cry) and after he said that i thought to myself "thats true, will i ever feel good?" and felt so hopeless and helpless that i will never feel better and thought in my head " i should just kill myself" which i of course didnt mean and that is the scariest thing ever to me. i do the what ifs all the time with that. what if i get so depressed ... anyway after i thought that in my head i automatically got super panic and thought i cant believe i thought that why did i think that whats wrong with me? i want to live and want to love life and be free and happy not do that.. . . but now i am so panicy and depressed (had minimal sleep last night)and totally anxious and my chesy hurts and feels so tense and swollen along with my throat and am afraid to take my ativan because i dont want to be dependant on it. i cannot concentrate at all because truthfully i need sleep yet i am afraid to sleep cause i wake up in the middle of the night with bad panic. has anyone ever felt this way???!!
ps- just to be clear i am not going to hurt myself its just the scary scary thought and it scares me to feel this way.its a bad day. any positive replies would be great right now

Hi Holly. I am sure others will reply, but I want to assure you that you are not alone in having these types of thoughts. And that's all they are - thoughts! How I wish we could easily control these irritating and sometimes scary thoughts. It is not easy to do, it takes time and patience and work, work, work. I still have thoughts that I can't quite get hold of and I have to work on replacing these with positive thoughts. In the past I, too, have hated to go to bed because I never knew if I was going to wake up in the middle of the night with panic. But, I did, thankfully, get over it. I used a lot of relaxation techniques and tapes before bedtime and it helped me. One thing you might do is to talk to your physician about possibly switching your meds to something different. You may need something a bit different right now. Also, you may try seeing a therapist (psychologist) to learn some cognitive behavioural techniques (CBT) and relaxation techniques. Also, is your boyfriend willing to help you out? It seems from what you said that he is oblivious to it all. Does he actually know what people with panic go through? I want to say that you are not alone, it is common to have what you have, and it will get better. Practice, practice. Do the program religiously and try and get into relaxation. Take care, my friend. Rob.

thanks rob. yes i see a therapist once a week but feel like i need to see him more. the day i see him i feel good and than my eek progressively gets worse. . i will do the relaxation tonight.

hi, your not alone, hang in there and email me back anytime u need to talk

I'm sorry your day was really rough =( I really wish your boyfriend hadn't of said that, that wasn't right at all. And look how it made you feel. Just believe you will feel good, but I completely know your thoughts of feeling hopeless and the what ifs and just wanting to cry. I still go through that sometimes where I have a bad day. You want to be happy and free and you can do it. You just have to push yourself and keep trying. I know it seems like with what we are a given to do it will never get better but it will, like flyer said it takes practice, like with anything in life. If we are going to get good at anything we have to do it over and over. Don't let anyone make you feel bad, don't let others comments make you feel bad. You are what is important right now, and you need to focus on making yourself feel better. If your boyfriend is willing to learn about your condition that's great. His support and positive reinforcement would be so helpful. Maybe you can get him interested in it. I really hope it works out for you. Keep us updated!

thank you so much. Yeah he really shouldn't have said that. For some reason that affected me SO much. weird. Guess i am sensitive. . I was already feeling bad but that comment just out me out. He didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I guess he thought I'd just laugh or something. . . I just hate that I am known for that. The girl who is always struggling and having a bad day it makes me so sad. I want to be happy and not be up and down like recently. I'll have this fantastic anxiety free afternoon and than BAM I'll get a panic attack in the middle of the night. It's like why if I felt so good during the day??!! I guess my brain is used to it or something?

Holly,

I totally relate with you... more than ever. The other night I was in a panic attack, started crying and said to my hubby "I feel like I am being ripped off with this anxiety" and he said "not just you, we are all ripped off"... I felt like I wanted to die right there. I thought about it and yes, we are ripped off and so is everyone around us because we are anxious. I, too, wake up in the middle of the night with supreme panic, in fact I have been up since 3:30 this morning having an off and on panic attack.... I do well during the day, but night is worse, to the point where I don't want to sleep, or when I do go to sleep it is very short lived.

You are so not alone.
Hang in there and you can pm me anytime.
Bink

Hi, Holly,

I hate it when people say those things to me. It used to be, "You never feel good." Now, it's, "You're always tired." I just tell myself that it's ok to be tired or say that I don't feel well because I don't. Look at what my brain is doing. Of course I'm always tired! These comments usually come from people who have no real idea of what is going on with me. They only know what little I have told them. If only they knew everything, then they might understand. I try to blow these kinds of comments off because they really don't know everything that I am going through. When I can't, I obsess about it. I wonder if I will always feel this way and how can I live the rest of my life when this is as good as it gets. I am learning, however, that this isn't as good as it gets. It could be so much better. I just have to hang on and work hard, and one day, I will see that I am feeling better. When we're feeling really bad, it's hard to acknowledge and accept the little ways in which we are getting better. We are too focused on all the ways we are not getting better. I say we dare to challenge ourselves to hang on to the little improvements and relish in them. It takes a lot of little improvements to create a big change. Remember, you will get better because you are working on it. And that anxiety-free afternoon sounds like an accomplishment to me.

Here's a great quote that I always carry with me in my mind: "When we get to the end of our rope, tie a knot and hang on." Theodore Roosevelt

Genie

Hey girl All will we okay, that was just a bad thought. I feel it is so important for us to remember that this is hard on our signafacant others. My husband did not understand until I educated him on it and told him. He listened to Lucindas tapes and now understands, he is very understanding about the whole anxiety situation.

I know that you fear takings meds, but, I feel you may really need them for a short while. I feel you may have a chemical imbalance. I do and I am very low on stretonin. If you don't want meds, start taking vitamens.

~ B-12
~ Omega 3. I take these in chews, life fittness is the maker and they sell at CVS.
~ I take magnesium two weeks before my period as well, it does wonders.


If all else fails, call on the Good Lord, he hears us, we just have to listen

Mel had some really good advice Holly, if you want to maybe try something natural to help with your anxiety, if you aren't already taking anything, Vitamin B's are good natural supplements that help balance the nervous system. Mostly Niacin. It would be good to take a multivitamin with Niacin, Vitamin B-1, B-2, B-6 and as Mel mentioned, B-12. Magnesium is very good as well as calcium. I found a multivitamin that has all of this plus many other needed supplements. Start taking these once a day if you aren't already or make sure these are in your multivitamins. It might in time help reduce some anxiety, plus it will keep you healthy =D