Stress Center Peer Support

Hi. I am trying so hard with this program and listening to the cds over and over and just some days are so hard. I feel so down and really don't want to go on medication. I take frova for migraines and that is bad enough. I just want to be happy and positive I don't like how blah I can be. The one thing I am finding difficult is the journaling and haven't attempted it yet because I honestly don't even know how to begin. Sounds Silly I know. I get so tired and everytime a family member since I live so far from all of them I can feel it in my voice that I just seem down and they probably are talking amongst each other. There I go worrying about everyone but me. I went to the mall the other day with husband and kids. well my husband was yelling at one of my kids and this lady as we walked by gave us the dirtiest looks and shook her head and I told him and then he got an attitude on me. It seems like he is always uptight and doesnt think he is. Well this lady and her actions put me in the most uncomfortable mood. It is diff. doing family things with all the friction. I tried telling myself who cares what she thinks I don't her. I worry way to much about others and let them hurt my feelings way to much. I need to get over this sensitivity. Any ways why am trying so hard and still feel and so depressed and negative. I started taking fish oil and b complex and any supplement for moods etc. advice would greatly be appreciated. Sorry to go on I just have nowhere else to turn and husband and sisters and mom don't want to hear it and blow me off. I really appreciate all the support hear it is helping me tremendously as I journey on with program and hope to be as positive as so many of you. Thanks for reading this and sorry so long.
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There is nothing to be sorry about. U can't help the way your feeling and your obviously trying to do something about it. I can relate to alot of the things your saying, it's really tough trying to express your problems and share them with friends and family when they just don't get it! They think your a whiner or a complainer and THATS NOT TRUE! I'am going to give you a piece of advice quit trying so hard, just be, relax take your time, and I don't do the journaling hardly either it kills me to just sit down and do it, but I really do reccomend is keeping a little spiral notebook on you like session 3 talks about and writing down all your negative thoughts, it really does make a difference. And I hated the thought of taking medicine for my anxiety and depression for years and I was miserable! But I finally broke down one day and had to go to my doctor, in the last year i had to try 3 different medications til I found one that worked for me. The medicine is a tool to help you its not the miracle drug to make all your problems dissapear, but it has been a stepping stone for me on my way to healing. I have to take the medicine so I can calm down and learn the tools that will someday I believe help me stop taking it, so don't be scared, if thats what you have to do, talk to your doctor and that may be what you need to get you to your next level of healing. And i'am gonna send a prayer up for you so quit worrying.

Hi Alio4, I too tried to talk to my family about how I feel but I've found that it's hard for someone who isn't go through this to understand. They think you can just "snap out of it". So I gave up trying, I have my therapist, my doctor and now the program. All I need from my family is their company, just being with them is enough.

Hi ali04, I understand your not wanting to take anymore medications. Ive gotten to the point where I am pill phobic. Last winter I had an ear infection and I needed antibiotics. I scared myself so badly reading the side effects that I was a wreck for the first couple of days I was taking them. I know that when i took paxil before I did really well but I hated the big weight gain, almost 60 pounds. I now need to lose about 40 pounds and I just couldnt face the thought of gaining even more weight. Im okay taking vitamins and I have started a vitamin regimen. Its only been about 2 weeks and I hope that it helps. I also started taking Amoryn which is a natural antidepressant. I checked it with my doctor and he said that is what they use in Europe instead of the chemical antidepressants so I felt a little better about taking it. Ive only been on it for 3 weeks and it does take about 6-8 weeks to really notice a difference. But I am starting to see small improvements. Today is not a good day but I am 6 days away from my period and it is always hell the week before, I have PMDD. So I am trying to treat myself gently and accept that right now the week before my period is harder with more anxiety and physical symptoms. I am reminding myself that once my period starts it will gradually get better and better.

I am very over sensitive also to what I think other people think of me even strangers. I try to remember that if I saw something like what you described, I would not only forget in a day or two but I wouldnt even remember what they looked like. I think most people are the same. that gives me comfort when I feel that someone has seen me in a less than flattering way.

I try very hard to journal but I am not always good at finding the time. I believe its important but sometimes with the kids and everything going on I barely find the time to just do the session and the relaxation cd. I do take notes when Im listening to the session when something strikes me as important. I just find that when I do start journalling I can end up writing for 2 hours so I try to do it when I am alone. I write how Ive been feeling physically and how anxious I have or have not been. I write what Ive been thinking about. Thats where I find the connection to how anxious I am. The more negative my thoughts the worse my anxiety and physical symptoms are. So I am trying very hard to pay attention to the thoughts running through my head. Sometimes I am surprised to find how long I have actually been thinking something negative and harmful before I even caught on that I was doing it. I think it has become a very bad habit. One I am trying very hard to break but it is a struggle sometimes.
Im sorry this was so long. I hope that you will start to feel better soon. There is nothing I would like more than for no one to ever suffer this way.

Ali04,
I understand. I understand. I really really do. If you were beside me I would want to hold you like a little girl and allow you to feel the helplessness & hopelessness that consumes you and all of us that live with depression & panic & being so very tired of it all.
I cannot believe you have a husband and children and deal with these disorders. As a mother & wife I'll bet everybody is first to your needs.
I am single with no children and have had days when I stayed in bed (i'm sure you would have loved that & needed it)...
Just a reminder that you have done alot of things right.
Keep talking here about the day to day & be really dilagent with your awareness of ANY NEGETIVE TALK.
Susie susiewrenn@yahoo.com anytime

I would like to suggest that you continue your positive self talk... for me bedtime is best... I combine positive talk for the following day with positive talk about how good my sleep will be. That I will awake refreshed and ready for a great day. I have had to work the hardest on lesson 3 which is the positive talk. I have continued to Journal and I have my small negitive notebook. I have to admit that when I started I felt silly doing it. I am fortunate that by wife is very supportive along with my cousin and his wife.... I also have if anything to much time on my hands as I am off work due to a broken right leg and will not be going back to work until March. Anyway I continue to work daily on the positive talk. I never really noticed how neg I was ... It is a huge change and I had to get past feeling sorry for myself. But it is getting easier each day... I have even gone as far as writing all the things I notice I do wrong... then through that paper away... Stay with it...

You are not doing anything wrong I think you are doing great to work hard with the programme!! Some parts are a little more difficult then others but keep following it and repeat until you feel better. For me it's small steps forwards and sometimes a little bit backwards but then I think never give up try and practise with the programme give positive effects. Neither I try to tell people around me abouy my anxiety if they don't know what it is because they just don't understand. You must talk positive and kind to yourself and give yourself credit for doing this things it helps to feel better.