Stress Center Peer Support

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but bare with me, I am having quite the realization here.

Today I had a sad thought that life wasn't worth the effort. I thought, wow look at everything I go through in a day, how is this worth it? I know this is a scary/negative thought, but it startled me.

All the time I think, "Ok this is it, I'm going to end up in a mental hospital, I'm losing it! This is me going insane, finally" But of course - it never happens. And then I think "wow, why aren't more people concerned about me? I mean, look at these thoughts I'm having? This isn't normal."

And it dawned on me that if we are all mentally ill, like we fear, we would be mentally ill and we would have some sort of diagnosis or exhibit symptoms of a mental illness like violence, risky behavior, hearing/seeing things that aren't there, etc. To fear being mentally ill, really does confirm you aren't mentally ill.

So when I have all of these fears about ending up in a hospital somewhere and I think "how come people around me aren't more concerned about me? look at my life..." It is actually not a bad thing, if anything, their lack of concern confirms that we are far from going insane and losing our minds. If we really were "insane" we would be INSANE and the people around us would be admitting us to hospitals and showing a genuine concern for our behavior.

Of course, some people around us are concerned for us, because we aren't very happy and we don't function terribly well, but they aren't concerned for us about anything we're concerned about, ie; going insane, losing our minds, dying, having health issues, etc.

I think we should keep this in mind next time we feel the need to harbor scary thoughts about "what if" scenarios. Everyone else knows they're not realistic, we should be able to tell ourselves that as well.

You are so right Karilynn! If we were insane, actually certifiably unstable, then we'd be out there doing whatever the heck we wanted and not caring about the consequences. But we're not, we're stuck in our homes or safe places worring about what we "might" do and what other people would think of us IF we did. It's all maybes and mostly out of the realm of possibility. Thanks for reminding us of that.

I had a similar realization today. I was telling a friend about how I get so nervous and scared when someone knocks on my front door and how I always run right to my room and practically batter down the hatches. She looked at me in disbelief and said point blank, "I don't think serial killers knock." I just had to laugh. But it WAS one of those moments when something just connects. I'll probably still be nervous when someone rings the bell, but not go running to my room in a panic.

I don't think it's the fear of serial killers, it is the fear that some ordinary person will want something from us. They may want a donation and we feel guilty if we tell them no, so we get money out that we can't afford to give. Or it may be one of those relatives that don't call before coming and we just don't feel up to entertaining or even just having company.
It may be someone having car trouble and we don't want to go near the door. What if they are a serial killer. They want to use my phone? Oh no! Good thing nowadays we can hand them a cell phone. I had a couple of kids knock on the door because they wanted to know the people in the neighborhood. My neighborhood doesn't do that. I thought they wanted to scope the place out for robbery. Another neighbor yelled over the fence asking me if I got her notice at my door. She was new and wanted to do the same thing. She was also having some kind of house party. She sells some type of food stuff. I did not trust her either. I made an excuse that I had to work (which I did), but I am hoping I don't have to run into her again. I don't know what kind of insanity that is, but I just get very nervous around new people. Shyness? Anxiety? Is it the same thing? It's bad enough worrying about how I look or what I'm going to say, when I see people I know. Never mind people I don't. I tend to keep it safe and simple.
I did join a gym with a co-worker a couple of days ago and so far I am not too nervous about being around people. I just hope they don't knock on my door.
HAHA
HOPEFULL

That's really a good point. I have this fear lately that I'm going to "go crazy" and have to quit my job. I've talked to some friends at work about my anxiety and they are very supportive.

The thing is some people with anxiety do quit their jobs. But, I've been through this before and I was able to keep working so I need to stop telling myself that. . .

Right now I have one month left on my contract and then I hope to be hired permanently. I keep thinking I'm going to 'mess up' and then not get the job. I need to stop that I know!

My coworkers seem to think I'm going to be fine so I think I'd better believe them. When I ask my husband about "what if" I can't work he just says. . . "well we need the money so that's not an option" which is really helpful LOL.

actually people who are "crazy" are out of touch with reality. We are OVER in touch with our bodies and surroundings. I have totally felt how you feel. I had such a bad panic attack a few weeks ago getting ready for work I thought, this is it....this is the day I can't leave the house. i am so afraid of that happing (becoming housebound) that Im willing it to happen.

I guess the best reassurance that you are not crazy is the fact that we are here in a group taking part in a program that helps us deal with a panic disorder conditionl. You are not crazy. The physical symptoms of this illness scares me so, and how I act when I have a panic attack worries me so, but I know I need to get rid of these feelings. That's why I am particpating in this program, to learn how to cope and overcome this problem

HopfulMe-
I didn't mean to provoke any anxieties about answering/not answering the door! Sorry!
-Cole2458

That is so weirdI was having the same thought the other day, scary as it may be . but the is it really worth it? Like If it were over I would no longer be anxious afraid sad confused apprehensive worried and so on and I wouldn't know what I was missing so wouldn't that be better??? I have also wondered lately if i feel this bad howcan it be that everyone around me doesn't get it and just goes about life as usual wondering if they've got clean laundry???