Stress Center Peer Support

Hey everyone!
So it all started in July when I started having anxiety about old obsessive thoughts, ones I had beens struggling with since i was about 12, teh typical "What if I go crazy/what if i get depressed and kill myself." I got over it for some time and it came back with angry vengeance randomly one day (summer was long and boring and it comes on when I am not doing anything productive).
Now however, the thoughts evolved like "What if i want to kill myself" to "What if i didn't know the difference between wanting to and not wanting to" to "Do i want to?"
I don't think I do, i think its those old OT but its got me thinking about things i have been noticing about myself. I've always been confident and quite happy so I am very confused about how I feel right now, I a 'sad' and scared about these thoughts but still able to feel happy, laugh hard and look forward to things, but htese thoughts are troubling...anyone experience something like this?
Also, any idea how to make this pseudo depression start to go away. I definitely think negative things sometimes, more often than lately, things like "you're in debt, you suck." "you keep sleeping through japanese, come on!' (8h30s kill me) and it feels like i have nothing good to say about myself right now.

Basically I am looking for some advice, i don't understand what is going on really and want to go back to living my care free, not worrying about suicide or anything like that but my racing negative thoughts are so preoccupying.

I'd love some advice.

Thanks all, you guys are amazing!
thisAdventure

Hey adventure,
Great that you have this program. ( in your last post) These scary thoughts will basically be put in their places (out the door) as you progress through the program. Have you been working on it? Take a break from it?
Also great that these thoughts scare you. if they didn't , that's when we need professional help immediately.
Sounds like you're mind is having a grand time coming up with nasty, scary thoughts to distract you from what is really going on.
Anxiety at its best. Throw in a bit of depression and there you have it --obsessive, scary thoughts and worrying about them, and our self esteem taking a nose dive.
We've all been there and some have the same thoughts, some similar and some completely different but equally scary. It stinks.

Just remember -thoughts, only thoughts and get that program out and work on it!
keep us posted.
Hugs.

I agree, any Psychiatrist will tell you that as long as you fear going crazy and losing control, you won't. Because people who actually do these terrible things, feel no fear, regret, remorse, and never question for a moment that they are doing the right thing. So you are NORMAL!! Doesn't it suck to be normal? I truly used to believe that one day I'd lose touch with reality, and not be able to take care of my kids, even forget that I had them, etc. It's our minds way of "venting" the anxiety, and who knows our deepest fears best?? Our minds!!!!! Hang in there, it sounds to me like you are actually getting ready to turn a corner. Reach out, there are always folks listening. Misery loves company! God bless.