Stress Center Peer Support

My husband has been staying up SUPER late lately, on the computer. I'm talking like 3-4am some nights.

He always clears out his history because he says he doesn't want web sites tracking him. I sort of snuck in on him the other night and he had the screen turned away from the doorway and his feet up. When I looked I noticed him changing screens or closing something and up popped a window that said "InPrivate" browsing.

He said that it popped up because he accidentally clicked it when I came in the room and startled him. To get that to come up you have to click on one link on the toolbar then a 2nd one.

I am suspicious he's looking at porn.

BUT I have been having a lot of trouble trusting his motives lately and sometimes I think maybe I'm just getting paranoid.

Any feedback?

I asked him about the porn and he very calmly denied it and said he wasn't wasting time and energy arguing about something he wasn't doing. He even suggested I get something to secretly log his actions to prove it.

He noticed a web site I was posting to and repeated back a lot of what they'd said to me and didn't like me talking about him that way.

Anyway. . . he's trying to make me believe that these 'strangers' have it wrong and they don't know the whole story.

How do I stop being so untrusting? Or. . . what do you suggest?

Sometimes it's not being "paranoid". Look at the facts. It seems we blame our own anxieties alot when the facts are there. Well if there is something that you can log his actions, then do it then you will know for sure. Ask someone who is an expert. I bet there are some on this site. I would be checking into it. Then if you are wrong then good. Then you can drop it. The more defensive he gets I think the more guilty. Its worth checking out before you blame it on your paranoia.

He's not really being overly defensive. He calmly told me that he is not doing anything wrong, and he is not going to waste time and emotional energy arguing about it.

Well we all have our limits and beliefs, I would not care about surfing porn. I'd be concerned though if my guy was chatting with someone online. That would bug me because that means if given the opportunity he'd probably meet them in person...

I don't think he'd cheat. I just don't like porn. . . and I dislike hiding and sneaking even more.

I don't know. . . thought he was doing stuff online last night turns out he was cleaning the garage all night. (((sigh))) I don't know what to think.

Hello Faith_TX,

I have always trusted my gut feelings. If I listen to what my gut is saying it's always the right thing to follow and when I go against it I wish I hadn't. This seems to be true with everything in my life..good and bad.

Good Luck

yeah well the thing is I question everything. . . so it's hard to tell the difference between gut and worry. . . sets me off balance a lot.