My lack of common sense and inability to get my act together sickens me. Like, today I planned to cook a rosemary chicken and zuccini meal in two batches (one to eat and one to freeze). Stupid me picked a day to turn on the oven when it's almost 100 degrees out and extremely humid. Ugh.
Plus, I was at the store today thinking about what kind of healthy breakfasts I could make and I didn't get any yogurt. Although in my defense I wasn't headed straight home after work.
I should've just bought my coworker a little b-day gift at the grocery store today (a card and a little windchime). I elected not to, thinking I'd have the energy to go elsewhere and shop tonight. Yeah right. I should've just bought them then, I'd be done with it.
I am forever doing things like this and it drives me nuts. Now I have to think of what to make for dinner instead. I like to have a recipe and follow it exactly and have it come out perfectly. Now I can't and it really bugs me.
I exhaust myself. Somehow I always make things so complicated.
ETA: For all the grocery shopping I do there's never anything to eat. And the chicken I took out to defrost this morning is still frozen and the wrong kind anyway. GAH! Now there's really nothing to eat and I feel like crap again.
Why can't I ever get my act together?
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Guest
I know how you feel because I am that same way. I don't cook that often especially with meat because I am afraid that it won't be cooked enough and I will get sick and die. I go to the grocery store with the goal to get healthy things I can eat on-the-go. I do end up buying healthy things but I don't eat them, and I don't really know why. I always say "I will go get it later" when really at the end of the day I am so exhausted from my anxiety I don't go anywhere. Don't worry your not alone
Hi, don't be so hard on yourself! Even the title of your thread is so negative. "Why can't I EVER get my act together?" You never do anything right?? Yes, you do. All the time! And you cook (that's more than I do! LOL!) and you are thoughtful about your co-worker's birthday. A lot of your post is just the negative thinking that is the hallmark of the condition we all share. Try to focus on your good and wonderful qualities. I bet you have a ton! Make a list. That's one of the "action assignments" in Session 3. You have so many positive qualities. I just know it! You are frustrated today because the heat threw you a curveball. Re-read your post and try to pick out the negative and all or nothing thinking. The "inability" "sickens me" "drives me nuts" "so complicated". And the "always", "forever", "I can't". Give yourself a pat on the back for trying. Learn from any mistakes you made today. And laugh at yourself a little. And next time you think of it, get a whole assortment of cards and little gifts so you have a stash to use in an emergency. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Go get em!
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rose_thorn98
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 6:26 pm
When you decide to give yourself a break and not take things so seriously. The things you've mentioned are "no big deal".
YOU are the one causing the stress, no one else. How about patting yourself on the back for WORKING, MAKING A LIVING. That's a hell of a lot more than I am doing at present, but I'm not the one having the anxiety. I've learned that this type of negative thinking keeps me in the hole, it doesn't help me to CONTINUALLY KICK MYSELF IN THE BUTT. Music Fan's post is dead on.
Seek to love yourself for who you are, not for who you want to be, accept what you see as imperfection and stop labeling yourself with words like "stupid". This thinking and behavior keeps you locked into repeating it over and over and over. Do you not see the extreme perfectionism in the statement you made?
What happened to lesson 1 on when you call yourself abusive or negative names to stop and correct the behavior and be respectful to yourself? What happened to lesson 3 on learning postive self talk and learning to love yourself unconditionally, what happened to lesson 4 on lowering your expectations? Do you not remember any of this?
I'm not trying to be hard on you but trying to talk sense to you. Music Fan has excellent suggestions for toning all of this down and not making such a big deal about it. I suggest you need to take a refresher course with the program.
YOU are the one causing the stress, no one else. How about patting yourself on the back for WORKING, MAKING A LIVING. That's a hell of a lot more than I am doing at present, but I'm not the one having the anxiety. I've learned that this type of negative thinking keeps me in the hole, it doesn't help me to CONTINUALLY KICK MYSELF IN THE BUTT. Music Fan's post is dead on.
Do you not see the extreme perfectionism in this statement? How about getting some Lean Quisine dinners which you just heat up in the microwave? Or have some soup with crackers and cheese, or a sandich? The objective is to nourish yourself, not make a broadway production out of the whole process. You can do that easily without "having a cow" about the whole thing. It's no big deal. You are the one placing all this stress on yourself.I like to have a recipe and follow it exactly and have it come out perfectly. Now I can't and it really bugs me.
Seek to love yourself for who you are, not for who you want to be, accept what you see as imperfection and stop labeling yourself with words like "stupid". This thinking and behavior keeps you locked into repeating it over and over and over. Do you not see the extreme perfectionism in the statement you made?
What happened to lesson 1 on when you call yourself abusive or negative names to stop and correct the behavior and be respectful to yourself? What happened to lesson 3 on learning postive self talk and learning to love yourself unconditionally, what happened to lesson 4 on lowering your expectations? Do you not remember any of this?
What happened to the lesson on the "shoulds"? You're shoulding on yourself all over the place.I should've just bought my coworker a little b-day gift
I'm not trying to be hard on you but trying to talk sense to you. Music Fan has excellent suggestions for toning all of this down and not making such a big deal about it. I suggest you need to take a refresher course with the program.
~The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr~
Martin Luther King, Jr~
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Guest
Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate them. As usual, you're right on the money. I'm actually going through the program right now, hoping to complete it for the first time (I've only had it for almost 8 years). I'm determined to do it this time.
I keep thinking I've learned the lessons of the program and then...clearly, I haven't. This leads me to do things like spend 4 weeks on Lesson 3. So it's been taking me awhile, because I want to do things exactly right.
I keep thinking I've learned the lessons of the program and then...clearly, I haven't. This leads me to do things like spend 4 weeks on Lesson 3. So it's been taking me awhile, because I want to do things exactly right.
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Guest
Hi Leda, I've spent forever on Lesson 3 too. Have listened to the tape about ten times but keep putting off actually reading the booklet. Finally read it the last two nights. I actually went back and started reading from the beginning up through Session 3. So many things under the "action assignments". If I didn't have a job or a life I could do them all. LOL! And I never really catch myself in a negative thought when I'm having one. So the exercise to write a positive response is really not working for me. But I think I'm on to Session 4 soon. Off to pamper myself with a pedicure at a salon. I've been trying to take care of my physical self a lot lately too. Massage last week and have taken up a yoga class. Hope you're having a great night! Take Care!
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Guest
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Guest
I never ghave anything in the house to eat either. As we speak, I'm waiting for my husband to get home so I can go to the store and get some provisions. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am like you are in a lot of ways, putting it off and then too tired to do it, etc... You have a lot of shoulds when you must start saying, "oh, well! No big deal"
It's not the end of the world, and for days like this, I have quick and easy stuff in the house, pizza, hamburger helper, etc... And there is healthier stuff like that too! I try to always have home made pizza makings on hand because I can make it healthy and it's quick and easy and a crowd pleaser. I also use my crock pot A LOT for when I feel like this. That way you won't have to scramble at the end to throw it all together and at least a portion of it will be done already. Like me, we need to relax more. I know it's hard. I have a 3 and 2 year old and rarely find time for myself and then feel guilty if I do, but we must for our brains to just let go. Have a good day!
It's not the end of the world, and for days like this, I have quick and easy stuff in the house, pizza, hamburger helper, etc... And there is healthier stuff like that too! I try to always have home made pizza makings on hand because I can make it healthy and it's quick and easy and a crowd pleaser. I also use my crock pot A LOT for when I feel like this. That way you won't have to scramble at the end to throw it all together and at least a portion of it will be done already. Like me, we need to relax more. I know it's hard. I have a 3 and 2 year old and rarely find time for myself and then feel guilty if I do, but we must for our brains to just let go. Have a good day!
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Guest
Leda,
What I see is someone who probably has her act together for the most part, but thinks she doesn't. I bet you are good at your work but you don't see it because you are constantly beating yourself up, i.e. attitude in trying to do things "perfectly". If this is how you think with inconsequential things, I can imagine how much stress you put yourself through at your workplace, and most of it is probably internally generated.
Finding some books on perfectionism may be an eye opener for you. The average person, man or woman, does not think like this. My wife has never thought like this in her life and she is the most emotionally balanced person I have ever known. YOU ARE WAYYYY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF and my guess is this is what is causing most of your anxiety at work as well. After seeing this post, I suspect that a lot of your work stress is not based on realistic thinking but is caused by filtering everything through a very dark, pessimistic, "they're out to get me" so I HAVE TO BE PERFECT lens.
You may be a perfectionist because you think that being perfect will bring you security, acceptance, and success. The reality is that it can work against us and acutally prevent us from being successful because we are too hard on ourselves and set our standards and expectations to unrealistic, unachievable heights. The cure is to lower the bar and get comfortable with the bar lowered. As I mentioned, there are books available which teach how to do this step by step.
I was this way to a great degree and kept banging my head against a brickwall. The pain finally became so great that it was easier to change how I thought and behaved than continue my stubborn ways. I was labeled a perfectionist by my first psychiatrist at the age of 18. I had no clue what he was talking about. I searched and searched for books on perfectionism in my mid to late 30s and only found one and it didn't really teach alot about the subject. I was in a labyrinth I didn't know how to break out of until finding the program and another book on CBT which taught about perfectionism as well. So many things related to my perfectionism held me back, especially in my work as an accountant.
I think you could use more resources at your disposal than just the program, more information to provide understanding as to exactly what perfectionism is and how to identify it in your own thinking and behavior. Just my opinion.
You think you can't, but I think you can problem solve one problem at a time until you've forged a path that leads to emotional health, an optimistic outlook, hope, and a bright future. It may be slow going at first, but I believe that if you will persist you will be successful. I just think you may need more information and education into exactly what perfectionism is.
What I see is someone who probably has her act together for the most part, but thinks she doesn't. I bet you are good at your work but you don't see it because you are constantly beating yourself up, i.e. attitude in trying to do things "perfectly". If this is how you think with inconsequential things, I can imagine how much stress you put yourself through at your workplace, and most of it is probably internally generated.
Finding some books on perfectionism may be an eye opener for you. The average person, man or woman, does not think like this. My wife has never thought like this in her life and she is the most emotionally balanced person I have ever known. YOU ARE WAYYYY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF and my guess is this is what is causing most of your anxiety at work as well. After seeing this post, I suspect that a lot of your work stress is not based on realistic thinking but is caused by filtering everything through a very dark, pessimistic, "they're out to get me" so I HAVE TO BE PERFECT lens.
You may be a perfectionist because you think that being perfect will bring you security, acceptance, and success. The reality is that it can work against us and acutally prevent us from being successful because we are too hard on ourselves and set our standards and expectations to unrealistic, unachievable heights. The cure is to lower the bar and get comfortable with the bar lowered. As I mentioned, there are books available which teach how to do this step by step.
I was this way to a great degree and kept banging my head against a brickwall. The pain finally became so great that it was easier to change how I thought and behaved than continue my stubborn ways. I was labeled a perfectionist by my first psychiatrist at the age of 18. I had no clue what he was talking about. I searched and searched for books on perfectionism in my mid to late 30s and only found one and it didn't really teach alot about the subject. I was in a labyrinth I didn't know how to break out of until finding the program and another book on CBT which taught about perfectionism as well. So many things related to my perfectionism held me back, especially in my work as an accountant.
I think you could use more resources at your disposal than just the program, more information to provide understanding as to exactly what perfectionism is and how to identify it in your own thinking and behavior. Just my opinion.
You think you can't, but I think you can problem solve one problem at a time until you've forged a path that leads to emotional health, an optimistic outlook, hope, and a bright future. It may be slow going at first, but I believe that if you will persist you will be successful. I just think you may need more information and education into exactly what perfectionism is.
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Guest
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