Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone! I have a real problem in dealing with one of my older brothers. He gets angry, frustrated, or annoyed very fast with me and just in general with life and people. I think he's a very volatile person. My problem is that during the day I have to rely on him to give me a ride to job interviews and I really don't look forward to being in that situation. I don't look forward to it because I'm already nervous about the interview itself and having to deal with him and his attitude just adds even more stress. He can get angry and confrontational and start saying hurtful things at the drop of a hat. Also I worry about getting anxious with him because he's very misunderstanding and will throw it in my face later. I've never really shared with him the fact that I've been struggling with anxiety for a few years now because of the ridicule and insensitivity he would show towards it. I don't like having this problem though because everytime I have a interview, I go through this and it's not fun. I guess you could say that I don't really trust him and I'm not really comfortable around him. I think part of why I feel the way I do about all this is because one time he threatened to leave me in the middle of somewhere if I didn't just go along with him to where ever he was driving to. Btw, I don't drive and neither does my mother, who is also home all day, so that's why I don't drive myself. I am afraid of panicing while with him in one of these situations and I know I have to work on that. If anyone can please give me any advice about this situation that would be great. Thank you all and I hope you're all doing well . Take care.

Rose

Gosh Rose, that sounds like a real challenging situation. When you 'need' someone to help you, but they make you uncomfortable and don't help you feel good about yourself, it's a hard spot to be.

Can you take the bus? Do you have any friends that drive? Would it be reasonable to ride a bike to some of the interviews? (I don't know how far you have to travel so forgive me if this sounds goofy.)

If there is no other way around it, just let him talk. Be quiet, don't feed into his desire to make you feel bad. If he gets more angry and asks what's wrong with you, just say you didn't sleep well and are tired. If he says something derogitory about that, just tune out what he's saying. I found that something helpful for me around negative people (until I became more assertive and was better able to manage the situation) was to have a song or a phrase in my head I 'played' over and over and over while they were talking. It gave me the ability to block them out and not be impacted.

I don't know if it will help, but I hope you can find a way to deal with this!


Ronda

Hi Rose

I have a younger brother who sounds a lot like yours.
He used LOVE to make threats and hurtful remarks so he could then talk down to me and belittle me to make himself feel good.

I think your best bet is to do what Ronda said, ignore him and don't feed his need to be critical or mean. That's what he wants.

I did that with mine. But, I also told him what I thought of the person he'd turned into too. I said all that I needed to say in a very calm, CONFIDENT voice, then left. That was the first time I had ever stood up to someone who I used to fear on that level. I found out that I was stronger than he was that day.


If telling your brother what you really think of his attitude isn't an option, find ways to show him your done with his negative ways. If it's possible when he starts acting or speaking in a way that makes you anxious, pick up a book or your cell. Turn on the tv or the radio. Make it obvious that your simply not gonna do the usual routine with him anymore. And if he gets mad, so be it. He can be mad.
Eventually he'll see that your his sister, and not a whipping post for his frustrations.

Missy