Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:40 am
Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin with this post. I warn you I'm going to vent, kick, scream & cry so ignore if your having a good day.
I'm just so damn frustrated. I feel like I try and try and try (I mean REALLY try) and then bam, something comes and knocks me off my feet. I KNOW this is normal, expected even but sometimes, just sometimes it would be nice if I didn't have to take 3 steps back for every 3 I took forward. I'm currently 6.5 mo pg so I know hormones play a role, but somedays it just feels like too much, ya know?
I'm on wk 10 of the program, I've had it since October of last year so yes it's taking me awhile to get through it but I'm doing it & I'm not giving up, so that has to count for something right?
Somedays I just feel so bogged down. I get so damn sick of feeling anxious, of being afraid to go to sleep at night, of waking up exhausted b/c I'm not sleeping well & still having to care for 5 kids, a pregnancy, working and everything else inbetween. I just want to feel good, to lay down & sleep when I want, to not be anxious, to not fear stupid inconsequential things. I just want to live! And carry on like I used to. I want it to go away and I'm working HARD at making that happen, but somedays I feel so ... what's the word. Defeated? Even though I know I'm not.
And of course then I feel guilty b/c my poor husband has picked up a lot of slack b/c of my own struggles & somedays he gets tired of it. He doesn't say it, but I can feel it and then I feel like crap even more & the anger & frustration build up.
I'm just, well.. exhausted today & feeling extremley angry & frustrated at this stupid panic & anxiety - I want to scream it and tell it to go away & never come back.
I'm just so damn frustrated. I feel like I try and try and try (I mean REALLY try) and then bam, something comes and knocks me off my feet. I KNOW this is normal, expected even but sometimes, just sometimes it would be nice if I didn't have to take 3 steps back for every 3 I took forward. I'm currently 6.5 mo pg so I know hormones play a role, but somedays it just feels like too much, ya know?
I'm on wk 10 of the program, I've had it since October of last year so yes it's taking me awhile to get through it but I'm doing it & I'm not giving up, so that has to count for something right?
Somedays I just feel so bogged down. I get so damn sick of feeling anxious, of being afraid to go to sleep at night, of waking up exhausted b/c I'm not sleeping well & still having to care for 5 kids, a pregnancy, working and everything else inbetween. I just want to feel good, to lay down & sleep when I want, to not be anxious, to not fear stupid inconsequential things. I just want to live! And carry on like I used to. I want it to go away and I'm working HARD at making that happen, but somedays I feel so ... what's the word. Defeated? Even though I know I'm not.
And of course then I feel guilty b/c my poor husband has picked up a lot of slack b/c of my own struggles & somedays he gets tired of it. He doesn't say it, but I can feel it and then I feel like crap even more & the anger & frustration build up.
I'm just, well.. exhausted today & feeling extremley angry & frustrated at this stupid panic & anxiety - I want to scream it and tell it to go away & never come back.
It might be hard to find the time but you have to. Take slow deep breaths when kids are at their worst. I have discovered that the breathing is a big key. Shallow breathing makes it worse.