Stress Center Peer Support

I have been out of work on leave for a month due to my anxiety getting worse and having panic attacks almost daily. My family doc told me to call him today to let him know my plans of either returing to work or to continue to stay out.

I've been feeling a bit better about going out and driving. Just yesterday I had to unexpectedly drive to drop something off didn't feel panic or worry about it. I even noticed I felt better and less scared to go to the doctor last time then I did the time before.

My questions is I don't know if I am ready to go back yet or if I'll ever be ready. I'm scared to tell my doctor to give me the release and then when next week rolls around, I"ll totally be freking out the night before. I'm also scared to tell my boss I'm coming back and then at the last minute, freak out and not go. I work in a builiding of about 125 people, where almost everyone knows me because I work in HR. I'm friends with a lot of people and some of them know my condition. I'm nervous about the speculation that was going on while I was out and how people will react when I come back. Will they treat me as "fragile"?

Any advice anyone can offer me would be appreciated. I've been putting off calling the doctor all day but I have to call soon. Help!

Update, I just spoke with my doctor and I'm going back on Tuesday. I'm nervous already.

GI, I have been where you are.

In my case, my job was actually the problem.

Well, it was a huge factor in creating the environment whereby I was more susceptible for anxiety and panic attacks.

My doctor put me on FMLA for about 6 weeks, and when I returned to the office I did not handle it well. It was a terribly toxic job, and there other factors that went into it. But, I was burnt-out beyond belief.

Luckily, my wife and I moved back to VA and re-started our lives down here.

I don't know that the cause of your anxiety may be, but if it is the job itself, could maybe your doctor work with you into getting leave or even disability if absolutely necessary?

I agree with Paul. You need to figure out if your job is the source (or one of many) of your anxiety. It is for me. I wake up dreading to go in and lie awake at night worrying about having to go back the next day. I will say since I started the program these dreads have been a lot less. I listen to the relaxation cd first thing in the morning and right before I go to bed at night. It really makes a difference! I have quit jobs before because of my anxiety (blaming the job for my problems) and you know what, I found that same problems at my new jobs. I have now realized that I caused my problems, not the job. It sounds like you need to get your anxiety under control. I am trying to do it while still working, but have had really bad days where I wished I could not be working while I did the program. Maybe this is what you need to do if you can balance working and the program. In any case, continue the program and take one step at a time and try not to worry what your co-workers think. You'll never know for sure, you're not a mind reader, and even if you did know, it doesn't matter what they think. Good luck and stick with the program.

It sounds tome like your more afraid of what everyone else thinks. anticipation is the mother of ANXIETY!!!Just breathe.

Hello GI:

I think the point of this whole program is dealing with our anxiety as we live our lives. If working is part of our living, then I think we need to deal with the anxiety as we work. I have lots of anxiety during work...I hate it...I've been off this summer to be with my kids and am anticipating lots of anxiety upon my return to work. So I'm thinking that time off isn't always the best thing for me while I am healing. Being away from work doesn't give me the daily opportunities to practise my skills. However, I've changed my thought process to "I'm thrilled to be back at work...it gives me the opportunity to really work at the skills and then soon...very soon...I'll be able to deal with the anxiety attacks better", instead of the usual "Oh my God, what if the attacks come back, what if I feel the way I did back in June, what if, what if.... I think there are pros and cons to healing while being out of work...I think if you work the program and apply all the skills you've learned, you'll be OK. And if the anxiety comes back...so what, you can deal with it. Trust me...you have been physically, emotionally and mentally healing while being away from work, you are that much stronger and ahead of the game as you were befor you left work. Remember that anything you have learned over the past month will NOT be lost and you are much better than you were a month ago. My best to you...You'll be great...it sounds like you have lots and lots of support in work. Keep us posted as to your progress on Tuesday!!! You are not alone...I need to return back to work in September...we're going to be just fine!!

My very best to you,
Lynn

Something that I think that is really important to remember is this:

We do not overcome this problem by waiting to do the things that make us anxious until we aren't anxious anymore.

This is KEY to recovery. The longer we stay away from the places that make us anxious, the HARDER it is to go back.

That is something I learned the first time I dealt with agoraphobia. Now that I am struggling with it again, this is also an area I have had a difficult time in.

I already know that as bad as it seems now, if I take off of work to "get relief", it's going to be that much harder to go back. This time I told myself I was going to try to go to work everyday. There have only been a couple days where I couldn't go at all, and a couple where I actually had to leave.

I did cut my hours back so I wouldn't be too overwhelmed. This has worked wonders! I started out by cutting my hours to part time. (Like 4 hours per day instead of working a few full days and then having a longer stint of time of not being there. Being there as many days as possible makes it easier, and recovery faster.) When I went to the office there were several times I would have to get up an pace in the back and talk to myself, get a cool wash cloth. I would walk into the office shaking! I would get waves of this throughout the day. Then I started going in a little earlier. Now, I have little anxiety back at work, once I get going, I don't feel any anxiety at work, and I am going back to full time.

This has taken about 7 weeks.

Again, this is KEY...we aren't going to stay home and do the skills, and get over it so we can go out there and do it with no anxiety.
Even if during the time off we work on some of our other limitations, most likely it will still be something we have to work on when facing going back if we have had a problem there before.

I focused on the things I HAD to do first, like work, going to the grocery store, etc so I wouldn't have added stressors like finances, etc.

Now I have to start dealing with some others that aren't as neccessary to survival. Here we go again....You can do it!

Also...since you haven't been in a while, try driving there several times a day between now and when you go back.

Maybe even go inside this week, and have lunch with your coworkers, or just clean up at your desk. This can take a lot of the pressure off so when you go back in you will already feel like you have been back at work somewhat. It won't be as scary. These approaches have really helped me in the past.