Stress Center Peer Support

Sometimes I think I'm just not meant to be happy. That the world doesn't want to see me that way. For the longest time, it has seemed that as soon as I feel good, and even before I started the program, I would have times I felt absolutely fine, no anxiety or depression. But, as soon as I would acknowledge this feeling, something bad would happen if not that day then the next, that would knock all the happiness out of me. Its gotten to where when my husband asks how my day went, or how I feel I'll just answer with "okay". He'll say "only okay?" and I'll say, "yes, that's better than not okay right?". I just know that if I say my day was good, or that I feel good, something bad will happen. It happened again this week. Tuesday as I was getting ready to leave for work, he said I seemed to be happier. I made the mistake of agreeing. I was in a good mood, not feeling anxious, looking forward to things, then I left. As I was driving away from the house, two of the little kittens at my house got under my car and I killed them. While I didn't completely break down (thanks to the program?), there went my happiness. This is the type of thing that keeps occurring. Things beyond my control that seem to conspire to take my good feelings. Like I'm not supposed to have them. Why do these things keep happening the same way all the time? It makes me believe that I'm not supposed to be happy.

First of all, can you give me directions to middle earth? Love it . We seem to have 2 things in common, anxiety and love of Lord of the Rings.

I personally don't believe that the world is anything but neutral to any of us. This isn't to say bad things don't happen, they certainly do and sometimes more to some people than others. You can look at it philisophically or realistically. Either God wants to challenge you for some reason or you've had a string of bad events which you are filtering through negative thinking. I prefer the latter but either way the outcome is the same: You've had some bad luck and a change of perspective would do you a world of good.

Here's a poem that gets me through bad luck:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbley to obey.

I asked for health, that I might do great things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for...but everything I had hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

(prayer of unknown confederate soldier)

Hi
I'm sorry things aren't going so well for you at times. But we are meant to be happy. Some of us have to work at it a little harder but I do truly believe God wants us to be happy. If you look you will always find someone in worse shape than you, I know from experience its not always easy but try to look for the good in everything. I recently lost my baby boy he was stillborn and I am struggling to stay positive, but I have a neice who is younger than I am and she has lost 2 children and 2 husbands but thru Christ she manages to keep a positive outlook. I know God brings her thru this each day.
I am reading a wonderful book, I have really enjoyed it, BECOME A BETTER YOU BY JOEL OSTEEN. It is so positive. I really do recommend it highly. I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes when I feel down, I try to listen to lesson 3, postitive self talk, reminds me that I should feel good and reminds me to replace my negative thoughts with good ones. I hope you have a peaceful, good day.
Your Friend
Angla

Things beyond my control that seem to conspire to take my good feelings. Like I'm not supposed to have them.

I'm really sorry about your kittens. I also ran over an adult cat which was my pet when I was about 20 years old.

I think you are blowing the happiness thing up out of proportion. I think this is a lie which you are choosing to believe. It is a lie. Keep working the program, keep journaling the negative thoughts which bother you, keep seeking to restructure the negative thoughts. keep the loving, compassionate self talk going, and keep working the other skills. At some point you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. It sounds like the program is working for you already. Keep truckin'. This is just a setback or growthspurt. You'll get through it.

We seem to have 2 things in common, anxiety and love of Lord of the Rings.

I love Lord of the Rings. Especially the elves. The way they can commune with nature, their endless lifespan, the simple way they live.
Its nice to have something in common with someone besides anxiety. LOL

Thank you very much for the sentiments. I personally don't follow any prescribed religion, but I can certainly appreciate the feelings behind things that are said, religious or not. I know bad things happen to good people. And I do know there are many out there who have it so very much worse than me. I am grateful for what I have. Its just somedays, all the crap seems to pile up at once. And then it makes the good stuff harder to see. I'm actually starting session 3 tomorrow, so hopefully it will help with my way of thinking. I know sessions 1 and 2 seem to have made a difference with my anxiety levels. Hopefully, when this is all done, I'll have some of that elvish peace in me too.

I'd like to share what happened to me Wednesday and yesterday.
A breakthrough sort of.

My daughter had come to spend a week with me. She can only come once a year usually. She has been coming for Mother's day for the past 6 years.
She left on Wednesday. We took her to the airport that morning at 10:00. The plane was supposed to take off at 11:30 a.m. but it didn't take off until 2:00 p.m. She missed her flight in Dallas and had a long layover there. She finally got home at 8 her time. 9 my time.
After learning of her misfortune in flights I became somewhat depressed. She is somewhat disabled with her back and I knew that was too hard on her.
I finally heard from her and she told me that she didn't know if she could keep making that trip. I agreed with her as I knew that was true.
But I got very depressed on into yesterday. I missed her and I just thought: "she won't be back".
I emailed her that I was depressed last evening.
Well she didn't give me much attention. She wrote back that I'd feel better on the morrow.

Gee, I felt worse. I really was down and I was also provoked that I got no attention in my "sorrow".
But I got to thinking about it and remembering the past , that , yes, I would feel better the next day, and even better the day after that and so on until I felt normal again.
And suddenly it occured to me:......... Why do I have to wait all these days to get better? Why don't I just feel better NOW.
And I just DECIDED to feel better. Yes, I still missed her. My circumstance didn't change. But I decided that I'd feel better right then.
And you know that I did. I slept pretty good.
Yes, I have had to make that decision again several times today that I'm going to feel better now. I just shocked myself that I could really do what I've been reading about for years.

There is a book that we might all enjoy. It is titled HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. It is written by a psychiatrist named "Meir " or something like that. In conjunction with another person. They are both in Dallas. Maybe the name is Meyer. I forget. It was recommended to me in early 80's but I never did read it. I'm going to get it now and read it.

Anyway, i was rather happy about the discovery that I made: that I truly can choose to feel better.
I live alone and my children are in their upper 50's. They live a distance away. 2 in another state. I'm happy here in my own place. But after they visit it is lonely for awhile. I shortened that lonely period this time by deciding I'd feel better quicker.

I know it was painful about your kitties. That had to hurt real bad. I'm sorry.
Wishing you happiness galore!!!
MaryJane

Rhassalariel: I am just like that. I will think that things are going well and then bam something happens and I am in a funk or depression. Or with my husband, I would think--we are getting along well and then that night we would have an argument.
But something happened the other day, the lawnmower wasn't working right and I really didn't have a lot of time to cut the grass and it is long from the rain. I started to think about all the other things that needed to be down, and I noticed this feeling welling up in side of me. In the pst I would have let it consume me, I would get angry (not at the lawnmower but at my husband) I would get upset easily with my kids (even though they weren't home i would have). But I caught the feeling and told myself to let it go. I parked the lawnmower and went inside and did something artsy. Later I went for a long run. I felt great. No anger at anyone.
It was the recognition of my feelings that saved me, something I couldn't have done before this program.
Hang in there, I know you can do it