Stress Center Peer Support

Hi All

I have noticed one of the things that I really struggle with is a fear of embarrassing myself and worrying about what other people think.

My Father was and still is extremely judgemental in a negative way and my Mother is VERY quiet. So I know where this fear comes from but I don't know how to overcome it. Growing up under that kind of scrutiny makes me feel like that EVERYONE is out there watching and just waiting for me to mess up. Mess up as in having a panic attack and calling attention to myself, like having to leave the check out line without finishing my purchase or by freaking out in the middle of a church service.

Do you have any ideas that might help me to deal with this problem? I know that people are usually too busy with their own lives and thoughts to think twice about me and yet I STILL struggle with this because of my upbringing.

Thanks for any thoughts.

Worrying about what other people think was in my upbringing also. I can remember my mother saying "Mary, what will people think." If/when I did something that was out of the norm. I grew up in the 50's and that type of thinking seemed to be everywhere for some reason. I think it made me very self conscious about what I said and what I did- always thinking I was doing or saying something weird. I was a stubborn soul though and moved to California where I didn't have to be worried about seeming strange to other people. I wish I could give you an idea as to how to overcome this other than keeping it in your head that yes people are too busy to spend much time looking at you and what you're doing. It may register for a second like- "That was kinda odd behavior." But then people go on with their business and their own problems and forget all about the fact that someone in the grocery store did something weird. There also may be a link here with self esteem and feeling like you have to be perfect and in control at all times. This is what the program stresses. Have you gone thru the whole program - I see you registered a year ago. Did it not help?

radarsmom, When you get these worries about freaking out in the grocery store, or church, tell yourself to STOP !!! Negative self talk is controlling you. Take baby steps. Don't try to take giant leaps. Maybe go to the corner store and buy a bag of chips. If that goes well, then move on to a bigger store and buy a small item. If you do have to back off because the "feelings" are too bad, start again. What I have found is that when I am successful it makes me feel powerful ! I feel like I can take on the world ! This gives me more enthusiasm to go another baby step. Be patient with yourself.

You can do it! I too have fears that keep me from doing things but it will get better. Let yourself start out with real small things like going to a certain distance in driving and then back home. You need to first feel comfortable with going to the place then once you can do that go to the store. Make steps to go in the store and once you do this it only gets easier. I hope this helps! God Bless you!

Jennifier

Thank you all for the replies and encouragement.

Mary Wargo, yes I finished the program and now I am doing it for the second time. I have seen some improvement but still I am a looonnngg way from being 100%. I am still agoraphobic but I am now able to do some things that I couldn't before the program.
I am just really sick and tired of worrying about what people think. And yet, I don't know how to stop. Come to think of it my Mother also used to say things like "Stop that, what if someone sees you?" and my Dad always made me feel like I wasn't capable. Like there was only one right way to do everything....HIS WAY. That combination was deadly to my self esteem.

Jennifier, I appreciate your reply. I do practices and take it in baby steps. Maybe one day you and I will run into each other out there in the world. Right now though my world is very little and scary. But, I am fighting against that.

Jaybee 7, I will try to remember to use the STOP technique. Negative self talk is ruining me. Thanks for the reminder.