Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:57 am
Hello folks. This is my story. I have wanted to write this post for a few years now but I always found other things to do. It is time that I type this and get my life up and going. Sorry for the long read.
Well starting back when I was a young teenager I noticed these anxious feelings. But they never really bothered me nor did they prevent me from doing anything at all. I started chewing tobacco when I was about 16 years old. About 2 months into chewing tobacco I started getting heart palpitations. Well this scared the crap out of me and I found myself in the ER. After EKGs and tests the ER doctor told me I was fine. So I made a doctors appointment with my family doctor and he informed me that I was fine as well. He told me that the tobacco was giving me the palpitations--plus I drank TONS of Mt.Dew which gives you palpitations as well.
After my family doctor told me that I would be fine, I really stopped worrying so much. I was still anxious, but I was not running to the ER every week. I was still nervous in big stores and traffic jams, but I did not flip out.
I had mild-moderate anxiety from about 16 until I was close to 23 or so. Then out of the blue, the anxiety attacks just seemed to disappear completely. I had bought the program and was on tape 5 when this happened. So stupid me I just stopped doing the program because i thought I was "fixed". I still could not drive super long distances from my "safe place" and I could not fly--but boy were things good.
Things were really good for me from the age of 23 to about 29 or so. Then one day when I was 29 I went to a local high school football game and I had a bad anxiety attack out of the blue at the game. Then it went down hill from there. I was single at the time and had to force myself into markets to shop and to just do what a person has to do every day to survive because I could not depend on anybody to do it for me.
Then I met my girlfriend shortly after that scary football game I went to. We got pretty serious and she moved in with me within a couple months of dating. Well she started to run to the store for us every day. To be honest she did everything for us that required getting out of the house. From that time, my comfort zone got smaller and smaller and smaller. Next thing you know I could only drive to work (which is only a mile away). And when I got home at noon from work, that was it. I was not leaving until the next morning to go back to work. If I did have to leave I could do it, but I was just a level 8-9 on the anxiety scale.
I am 33 now so this has been back in my life for about 4 years. I purchased the program again about 2 years ago and have not really dove into it yet. Last week I found out that we are closing my company at the end of the month. I was very scared when I heard about this. The day after I received this bad news I told myself I am not going to let this get me down.
So I broke out the program and popped in the first cd and took it all in. Minutes after I finished the cd, hopped in my truck and drove all over town--places I have not been to in years. I felt really good. I can already see a huge change in my thinking.
I am just really scared that I will never fully get over this. I am sure I will get better, but to what degree. I just want to get out and take in all life has to offer. My parents have a house in Hawaii that I have never been to because of this condition. Whats funny is dying no longer scares me and really has not scared me for 15 years. And I know I am healthy. I don't get to concerned about cancers or any other diseases. I know I am not going to pass out. I am just scared on the feelings I have when I have an anxiety attack and I do A LOT of what-if thinking. Mainly what-if I go to this place and I have these feelings I hate so much. They are scary.
Again thanks for reading and sorry for any misspelled words or bad grammar. I just got offered a job about 250 miles north of me that I really want to take. But this anxiety is keeping me here and that bothers me. I just wish I had the courage to say f-you anxiety and do what I want to do. Sorry for the bad language, but I am sure most off us have thought it. Ken
Well starting back when I was a young teenager I noticed these anxious feelings. But they never really bothered me nor did they prevent me from doing anything at all. I started chewing tobacco when I was about 16 years old. About 2 months into chewing tobacco I started getting heart palpitations. Well this scared the crap out of me and I found myself in the ER. After EKGs and tests the ER doctor told me I was fine. So I made a doctors appointment with my family doctor and he informed me that I was fine as well. He told me that the tobacco was giving me the palpitations--plus I drank TONS of Mt.Dew which gives you palpitations as well.
After my family doctor told me that I would be fine, I really stopped worrying so much. I was still anxious, but I was not running to the ER every week. I was still nervous in big stores and traffic jams, but I did not flip out.
I had mild-moderate anxiety from about 16 until I was close to 23 or so. Then out of the blue, the anxiety attacks just seemed to disappear completely. I had bought the program and was on tape 5 when this happened. So stupid me I just stopped doing the program because i thought I was "fixed". I still could not drive super long distances from my "safe place" and I could not fly--but boy were things good.
Things were really good for me from the age of 23 to about 29 or so. Then one day when I was 29 I went to a local high school football game and I had a bad anxiety attack out of the blue at the game. Then it went down hill from there. I was single at the time and had to force myself into markets to shop and to just do what a person has to do every day to survive because I could not depend on anybody to do it for me.
Then I met my girlfriend shortly after that scary football game I went to. We got pretty serious and she moved in with me within a couple months of dating. Well she started to run to the store for us every day. To be honest she did everything for us that required getting out of the house. From that time, my comfort zone got smaller and smaller and smaller. Next thing you know I could only drive to work (which is only a mile away). And when I got home at noon from work, that was it. I was not leaving until the next morning to go back to work. If I did have to leave I could do it, but I was just a level 8-9 on the anxiety scale.
I am 33 now so this has been back in my life for about 4 years. I purchased the program again about 2 years ago and have not really dove into it yet. Last week I found out that we are closing my company at the end of the month. I was very scared when I heard about this. The day after I received this bad news I told myself I am not going to let this get me down.
So I broke out the program and popped in the first cd and took it all in. Minutes after I finished the cd, hopped in my truck and drove all over town--places I have not been to in years. I felt really good. I can already see a huge change in my thinking.
I am just really scared that I will never fully get over this. I am sure I will get better, but to what degree. I just want to get out and take in all life has to offer. My parents have a house in Hawaii that I have never been to because of this condition. Whats funny is dying no longer scares me and really has not scared me for 15 years. And I know I am healthy. I don't get to concerned about cancers or any other diseases. I know I am not going to pass out. I am just scared on the feelings I have when I have an anxiety attack and I do A LOT of what-if thinking. Mainly what-if I go to this place and I have these feelings I hate so much. They are scary.
Again thanks for reading and sorry for any misspelled words or bad grammar. I just got offered a job about 250 miles north of me that I really want to take. But this anxiety is keeping me here and that bothers me. I just wish I had the courage to say f-you anxiety and do what I want to do. Sorry for the bad language, but I am sure most off us have thought it. Ken
)