PaisleeDear Diary
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
That's great! I'm so happy for you and your new found freedom and on your way to a more calm and happier you! Paislee
PaisleeRe: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
I have been struggling with severe depression all week. It's back. I went to my psychiatrist and after I told her how bad my depression was, she asked me what has been happening this week. Plenty. Brooke called and started saying more of the same...she can't wait to get out of the treatment center, she's clean but she can't stand it there any more. I pointed out that it is better then jail, her sobriety is the most important thing, and to take it one day at a time. She said "you are not listening to me" I said "what do you want me to say" she said "I want you to agree with me that I should get out soon"
Well diary. After 16 years of the same circle, over and over and over and over again, I said, (and this is my all time LEAST favorite word in the dictionary. I absolutely hate this word for some reason. So for me to use it is shocking.) I said.. "I am not going to take your CRAP any longer" "Do you understand the CONSEQUENCES of your actions and how it effects us??" I am not going to listen to your CRAP!!
She was shocked, apologized and said she loves me and will continue to work hard with her sobriety.
Also, today was a the bankruptcy lawyer meeting. I learned, that even though I prepared the manilla envelope to send our taxes, and stamped it and addressed it with a sticky on it with the date they had to be sent, they were never sent. Ever. My husband has been lying to me and never filed for taxes since 2008. He lied to me. He said they were mailed.
My best friend told me that depression is anger turned inward, and I don't express my anger at my husband. The man that I thought was taking care of us financially hasn't even been mailing the envelopes that I prepared and had sticky notes and dated.
He has been lying to me. Bankruptcy "will mess our hair up" was the quote the lawyer said. Sickening really. Monday we will meet with our accountant to work out a plan, as we will still owe the IRS. Bankruptcy doesn't cover the IRS. I told my husband he's lucky we're not in jail.
I don't have the energy to get up or go out, so I am going to force myself tomorrow to go and join a cheap yoga class. My best friend said that is what I have to do for my own sanity, and I hope I can do it.
Love,
J.
PS
I might have spelled "sickening" wrong. I don't care.
I have been struggling with severe depression all week. It's back. I went to my psychiatrist and after I told her how bad my depression was, she asked me what has been happening this week. Plenty. Brooke called and started saying more of the same...she can't wait to get out of the treatment center, she's clean but she can't stand it there any more. I pointed out that it is better then jail, her sobriety is the most important thing, and to take it one day at a time. She said "you are not listening to me" I said "what do you want me to say" she said "I want you to agree with me that I should get out soon"
Well diary. After 16 years of the same circle, over and over and over and over again, I said, (and this is my all time LEAST favorite word in the dictionary. I absolutely hate this word for some reason. So for me to use it is shocking.) I said.. "I am not going to take your CRAP any longer" "Do you understand the CONSEQUENCES of your actions and how it effects us??" I am not going to listen to your CRAP!!
She was shocked, apologized and said she loves me and will continue to work hard with her sobriety.
Also, today was a the bankruptcy lawyer meeting. I learned, that even though I prepared the manilla envelope to send our taxes, and stamped it and addressed it with a sticky on it with the date they had to be sent, they were never sent. Ever. My husband has been lying to me and never filed for taxes since 2008. He lied to me. He said they were mailed.
My best friend told me that depression is anger turned inward, and I don't express my anger at my husband. The man that I thought was taking care of us financially hasn't even been mailing the envelopes that I prepared and had sticky notes and dated.
He has been lying to me. Bankruptcy "will mess our hair up" was the quote the lawyer said. Sickening really. Monday we will meet with our accountant to work out a plan, as we will still owe the IRS. Bankruptcy doesn't cover the IRS. I told my husband he's lucky we're not in jail.
I don't have the energy to get up or go out, so I am going to force myself tomorrow to go and join a cheap yoga class. My best friend said that is what I have to do for my own sanity, and I hope I can do it.
Love,
J.
PS
I might have spelled "sickening" wrong. I don't care.
Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
PS
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
PS
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Life keeps dishing it out. What can we do? Ride it out, and.....forgive ourself. We get caught in the currents, we trust, we don't know. You did the right thing with B and you will see the rest through, one piece at a time.
I have been very disciplined about meditation. Have a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn who, I've been told, also has videos on YouTube. Twice a day, 15 minutes. Helps me to forgive myself and to accept and deal with what is. Peace and calm. It is different at various stages of life, each bringing its challenges. We rise to the occasion each time. Love...........T
I have been very disciplined about meditation. Have a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn who, I've been told, also has videos on YouTube. Twice a day, 15 minutes. Helps me to forgive myself and to accept and deal with what is. Peace and calm. It is different at various stages of life, each bringing its challenges. We rise to the occasion each time. Love...........T
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bunny rabbit
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:41 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Thank you J for your prayer which reminds me of 14 years I spent in Al-Anon and then another 5 years at Celebrate Recovery. The program will help you get through the bankruptcy as well as coping with your daughter. Trust is a crucial foundation to all healthy relationships and I am sorry to read your DH has violated your trust. It's hard to forgive and let it go. I learned from a therapist there are two hands of forgiveness, one of acceptance and the other of boundaries. It's always one precious day at a time no matter what. Please keep hanging on. We are all cheering for you J. Blessings from Bunny
Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Busy week ahead. Tomorrow we meet with our accountant where he has to come clean and say he never mailed the taxes. I am busy doing a mental inventory of all of our belongings, jewelry, furniture, art, etc so that I can get to work as soon as I know what to do.
I just ate a huge cupcake, vanilla. It was delicious but now I have a stomach ache. That must be some sort of weird metaphor..
Love,
J.
PS
I'll keep you posted diary on what the accountant says. This is so embarrassing and .... searching... humiliating.
Busy week ahead. Tomorrow we meet with our accountant where he has to come clean and say he never mailed the taxes. I am busy doing a mental inventory of all of our belongings, jewelry, furniture, art, etc so that I can get to work as soon as I know what to do.
I just ate a huge cupcake, vanilla. It was delicious but now I have a stomach ache. That must be some sort of weird metaphor..
Love,
J.
PS
I'll keep you posted diary on what the accountant says. This is so embarrassing and .... searching... humiliating.
Re: Dear Diary
J, What are we going to do with you? I must say that over the last couple years it has been a blessing and privalege to watch you grow in courage and disipline. I am honored to have had the oppertunity shared by you. Not everyone is able to crawl from being abanded, lost and suppressed by cruelty to a resilent creative and loving spirit that is in you. I am sorry to hear for your husbands loss in accountabilty. In away it exsplains a lot of the caracteristics he enforced upon you in the diciet and denile. I can,t say I would have your patience. Be more like the boot and earn your way back. Then again I really would have served P,s boy his nail clippings on his dinner plate and yearned for the reaction 
Them Angels are still there youngin and they will not leave, it is up to us to let them carry some burdon. Your plans sound encourageing and with caution embrace your new found reality. You have succeded in going the journey and in this bringing to light the abilitys your entrusted with. I believe it has been the TRUTH that has prevailed. So it appears you have been promoted to "Colonel". Congradulations and someday you will make General.
Having the will is the key and you now have unlocked a new oppertunity to remold life as you would like it to be. Bless ya kiddo.
R
Them Angels are still there youngin and they will not leave, it is up to us to let them carry some burdon. Your plans sound encourageing and with caution embrace your new found reality. You have succeded in going the journey and in this bringing to light the abilitys your entrusted with. I believe it has been the TRUTH that has prevailed. So it appears you have been promoted to "Colonel". Congradulations and someday you will make General.
Having the will is the key
and you now have unlocked a new oppertunity to remold life as you would like it to be. Bless ya kiddo.R
Re: Dear Diary
A very good understanding of why does he do that.......
It is great, watch it if you can, the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riMjXuJ390U
R
It is great, watch it if you can, the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riMjXuJ390U
R
Re: Dear Diary
R, You made my DAY!! I'm finally promoted. Wow, I am thrilled. Also, I loved the video and even posted it to my Facebook page. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
XO
J.
XO
J.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Great news, J. Congratulations. Comes just in time to give you strength and confidence and and courage. XO, whatever that means.........T