people "helping" by using comparisons/ guilt to try to get you to "snap out of it"
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Guest
Thanks Mike for your reply, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said they leave because of their on needs and insecurities. Although I was very hard to get along with I would burst out in a very angry way. I hate that about me and I am trying really hard to work on this. They say you take it out on the ones that you are the closes to. I am having a very hard time getting over this last relationship and that is when I have the anxiety attacks when I think about what I lost. I feel like I can't go on on some days and I feel so lost and alone. I don't want to be this weak and I hope this program will get me to where I feel that I don't have to have a man in my life to be happy. Thanks for responding....Have a good day....
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Guest
don't sell yourself short...you will get to a point where you don't need love or approval from others in order to feel worthy and get on with your life but you will also get to the point where you can handle a relationship as well.
One thing i would like you to do everytime you beat up on yourself is to remind yourself that it is your behavior not you and you are not your behavior. Behaviors can be changed but its really hard to change anything about yourself if you have doomed yourself with an irrational label. Bad, stupid and worthless people don't exist. We are not static and cannot always be or do bad and stupid things and we are just as worthy as any other person. Our worth is permanent we just struggle with the way we think and behave.
Mike
One thing i would like you to do everytime you beat up on yourself is to remind yourself that it is your behavior not you and you are not your behavior. Behaviors can be changed but its really hard to change anything about yourself if you have doomed yourself with an irrational label. Bad, stupid and worthless people don't exist. We are not static and cannot always be or do bad and stupid things and we are just as worthy as any other person. Our worth is permanent we just struggle with the way we think and behave.
Mike
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Guest
Vick -
First, welcome to the Program! Second, I'm glad you appreciated my post and were able to glean some useful information from it. Third, I think Mike has given you some very good input and advice. I definitely agree with his view to not sell yourself short. We all have strengths and weaknesses - all of us regardless of what our situation is or what medical condition we might have.
Our best approach is to capitalize on our strengths and recognize our weaknesses as opportunities for growth. It's fortunate that you recognize that you sometimes have trouble controlling your anger. Some people wouldn't even acknowledge that they have any difficulties like that. With that in mind, you can be mindful of how you respond to certain triggers or stressful situations that might arouse your anger. This is not something that has to control you; you have the ability to change your attitude and behavior. Sometimes, it's as simple as just slowing down. Giving yourself time to think and react let's you choose how to outwardly respond.
I also have heard that people will often seek out relationships that mimic what they experienced in the past or as a child. This is only a bad thing if the type of relationship you are seeking is an unhealthy one. In this case, perhaps the motivation is to find something familiar that gives a false sense of comfort. Either way, it's important to recognize why you are in a relationship. What are the reasons? What are the benefits? What are the costs? And most importantly, do the benefits outweigh the costs?
Being aware of a habit that you don't like gives you the opportunity to change it. In the case of searching out unhealthy partners in a relationship, you can choose to be mindful of the other persons behavior and characteristics. If you find that your just repeating the same mistakes as you enter a new relationship, that's the time to pause and take stock of the situation. You aren't doomed to continually follow the same path.
Jamie
First, welcome to the Program! Second, I'm glad you appreciated my post and were able to glean some useful information from it. Third, I think Mike has given you some very good input and advice. I definitely agree with his view to not sell yourself short. We all have strengths and weaknesses - all of us regardless of what our situation is or what medical condition we might have.
Our best approach is to capitalize on our strengths and recognize our weaknesses as opportunities for growth. It's fortunate that you recognize that you sometimes have trouble controlling your anger. Some people wouldn't even acknowledge that they have any difficulties like that. With that in mind, you can be mindful of how you respond to certain triggers or stressful situations that might arouse your anger. This is not something that has to control you; you have the ability to change your attitude and behavior. Sometimes, it's as simple as just slowing down. Giving yourself time to think and react let's you choose how to outwardly respond.
I also have heard that people will often seek out relationships that mimic what they experienced in the past or as a child. This is only a bad thing if the type of relationship you are seeking is an unhealthy one. In this case, perhaps the motivation is to find something familiar that gives a false sense of comfort. Either way, it's important to recognize why you are in a relationship. What are the reasons? What are the benefits? What are the costs? And most importantly, do the benefits outweigh the costs?
Being aware of a habit that you don't like gives you the opportunity to change it. In the case of searching out unhealthy partners in a relationship, you can choose to be mindful of the other persons behavior and characteristics. If you find that your just repeating the same mistakes as you enter a new relationship, that's the time to pause and take stock of the situation. You aren't doomed to continually follow the same path.
Jamie