PS
Maybe I could be a life coach. I'm serious. I coach my friends and family every day to live and be the person they truly want to be.
Maybe I should be a life coach. What do I have to lose if I don't try!!
Dear Diary
Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Good News. I am seeing my regular doc at 10:45 and my psychiatrist at 12:45. Hopefully I will be able to work out some of these issues and heel my back so that I can work on Friday.
I had DH take a huge bag of books to the used book store...he's doing that now. Thanks Tina.
I hope to hear from R. soon. I'm curious to hear how he's doing. He sounds SO happy. YAY.
Love,
Me.
Good News. I am seeing my regular doc at 10:45 and my psychiatrist at 12:45. Hopefully I will be able to work out some of these issues and heel my back so that I can work on Friday.
I had DH take a huge bag of books to the used book store...he's doing that now. Thanks Tina.
I hope to hear from R. soon. I'm curious to hear how he's doing. He sounds SO happy. YAY.
Love,
Me.
-
tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
The sun is shining this am and it is shining on you, J. I can't get DH here to cart books off, so things are looking up with you. Encourage DH to get other work. The fellas have connections and generally are good workers. Tell him it is for his own good, which it is. It is NECESSARY for HIS mental and physical well being (to say nothing of yours).
It is my day out to keep driving phobias in check. Will try not to cart more books in. Oh, what do I care, I love them. Hope for the best with doctors today, love..........T
It is my day out to keep driving phobias in check. Will try not to cart more books in. Oh, what do I care, I love them. Hope for the best with doctors today, love..........T
-
Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Hi all--Good to hear about you getting your back straightened out J, it is hard to function when our back is out of whack! Ugh.
Also, I agree with you on the practice makes perfect...analogy with your guitar. Its true, sometimes when we persevere in whatever endeavor we are pursuing it becomes easier...just like you said...it suddenly all comes together!
Your comments about DH are concerning, sounds like he is losing short term memory. He must be under some stress due to the changes in you, which your changes for your life are great! You are doing so well! I'm proud of you too!
Thanks Tina for your compliments as well. It was really fun and so hard to leave. I'm having a hard time adjusting to coming back home and to reality. Partly is that I'm very tired...I haven't "partied" like this for a long time. Getting up early and then going to bed late, on the go, visiting with people all day, smiling a lot, laughing a lot, out of my comfort zone, a wee bit, climbing stairs, taking walks. It was great! But I'm worn out and not adjusting to being with DH being around.
I know he is happy for me and helped to make things happen...but I came home to a tired husband with his own expectations from me. It is always busy around here...and I'm feel last on the totem pole. I just need to rest and vent a little later. It is just my anxiety or expectations that is frustrating me right now. Things will get better...just have to get back into my routine.
R it is so good to hear from you as well. I agree I love your wisdom and wittiness. Paislee
Also, I agree with you on the practice makes perfect...analogy with your guitar. Its true, sometimes when we persevere in whatever endeavor we are pursuing it becomes easier...just like you said...it suddenly all comes together!
Your comments about DH are concerning, sounds like he is losing short term memory. He must be under some stress due to the changes in you, which your changes for your life are great! You are doing so well! I'm proud of you too!
Thanks Tina for your compliments as well. It was really fun and so hard to leave. I'm having a hard time adjusting to coming back home and to reality. Partly is that I'm very tired...I haven't "partied" like this for a long time. Getting up early and then going to bed late, on the go, visiting with people all day, smiling a lot, laughing a lot, out of my comfort zone, a wee bit, climbing stairs, taking walks. It was great! But I'm worn out and not adjusting to being with DH being around.
I know he is happy for me and helped to make things happen...but I came home to a tired husband with his own expectations from me. It is always busy around here...and I'm feel last on the totem pole. I just need to rest and vent a little later. It is just my anxiety or expectations that is frustrating me right now. Things will get better...just have to get back into my routine.
R it is so good to hear from you as well. I agree I love your wisdom and wittiness.
Paislee Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
I am trying so hard to live by The Four Agreements, but it is a sort of ritual that I have to think about every day. I like the sort of ritual of review that I have undertaken, where I pause to think about The Four Agreements, and what they mean to me.
So, I will say that I am undertaking an awful lot.
I saw my regular doc, and she prescribed muscle relaxants, but wants my thyroid levels and vitamin D levels checked, and wants the lesion in my L5 lumbar (whatever it is called) rescanned. She wants me to see the oncologist again. I am due to see him for my yearly checkup, to make sure I haven't developed more lesions. Gross.
My psychiatrist said that my DH is in "crisis" and that I am the one who will have to take helm of the ship, and sail our ship out of trouble. I am trying diary, I am trying so hard. He's always in a bad mood, secretive, etc.
I will stay the course and just try to be accountable and get us out of trouble financially. I will also tell him that any job is better then no job. He is at a Hedge Fund party tonight, networking. Julie will be here any moment to spend some time with me, because I will be working all weekend, and won't have much of a mother's day. I'm fine with that.
My psychiatrist noted again how I am always looking from the outside in when it comes to my marriage. She asked me why I'm not angry. She kept saying that I WAS angry. I kept saying that I'm not. I'm not angry, or happy. I told her that I actually feel no emotion what so ever when it comes to my marriage. I do feel sad, but I never go there. It doesn't feel safe to feel sad. Best to feel nothing until I can avert this crisis. Mean time...Brooke. Best to feel nothing about that too.
I feel nothing, yet am taking muscle relaxants for the pain in my back. Hmmm....
Love,
Me.
I am trying so hard to live by The Four Agreements, but it is a sort of ritual that I have to think about every day. I like the sort of ritual of review that I have undertaken, where I pause to think about The Four Agreements, and what they mean to me.
So, I will say that I am undertaking an awful lot.
I saw my regular doc, and she prescribed muscle relaxants, but wants my thyroid levels and vitamin D levels checked, and wants the lesion in my L5 lumbar (whatever it is called) rescanned. She wants me to see the oncologist again. I am due to see him for my yearly checkup, to make sure I haven't developed more lesions. Gross.
My psychiatrist said that my DH is in "crisis" and that I am the one who will have to take helm of the ship, and sail our ship out of trouble. I am trying diary, I am trying so hard. He's always in a bad mood, secretive, etc.
I will stay the course and just try to be accountable and get us out of trouble financially. I will also tell him that any job is better then no job. He is at a Hedge Fund party tonight, networking. Julie will be here any moment to spend some time with me, because I will be working all weekend, and won't have much of a mother's day. I'm fine with that.
My psychiatrist noted again how I am always looking from the outside in when it comes to my marriage. She asked me why I'm not angry. She kept saying that I WAS angry. I kept saying that I'm not. I'm not angry, or happy. I told her that I actually feel no emotion what so ever when it comes to my marriage. I do feel sad, but I never go there. It doesn't feel safe to feel sad. Best to feel nothing until I can avert this crisis. Mean time...Brooke. Best to feel nothing about that too.
I feel nothing, yet am taking muscle relaxants for the pain in my back. Hmmm....
Love,
Me.
-
tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Dear, J, what can I say to you in your hardships? I praise you for your many accomplishments. More important, much more important, you want to praise yourself. It is, I believe, part of the positive self talk of the program here. We must do that for ourself because we always give it to others. What do we get? What did we ever get? One of my English teachers in college once read a paper of mine (a test paper no less) to the class. That stands out. The rest, J, I do for myself. I don't even expect it from others.
And you must do it for yourself. I could actually list your many achievements. You have such an outstanding character, are smart, talented, energetic, persevering. Being at one with yourself, liking and loving yourself are, in my view, the foundation of your physical health too. If anyone wants to knock any of that, it's water off a duck. The praise comes from you, from R, from P, and me. We are The Praise Society. If others care to join in, the more the merrier.
And you must do it for yourself. I could actually list your many achievements. You have such an outstanding character, are smart, talented, energetic, persevering. Being at one with yourself, liking and loving yourself are, in my view, the foundation of your physical health too. If anyone wants to knock any of that, it's water off a duck. The praise comes from you, from R, from P, and me. We are The Praise Society. If others care to join in, the more the merrier.
Re: Dear Diary
I love you Tina.
I have been on a cleaning frenzy since 6am. I'm selling my china. I don't need it.
I love you. Did I say that?
I have been on a cleaning frenzy since 6am. I'm selling my china. I don't need it.
I love you. Did I say that?
-
tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Yes, and that love makes my soul sing. Just want to return it. I gave my china away when we left CA. No business sense here. Gave it to a friend of daughter. Gave another set of nice things to another friend of hers. Daughter can do whatever she wants when it's all hers. Son wants nothing, ever.
Wish I'd get into a cleaning frenzy. Hasn't happened in quite some time. Maybe today is the day. No, cant be: going to the gym. A handy excuse always pops us. But please, J, watch out for your back.
Where is R? Where is he? Pregnant mom robbie showed up this am intent on building her nest on the other side of the column where a disaster happened last year. It is NOT safe. Am beside myself.
Wish I'd get into a cleaning frenzy. Hasn't happened in quite some time. Maybe today is the day. No, cant be: going to the gym. A handy excuse always pops us. But please, J, watch out for your back.
Where is R? Where is he? Pregnant mom robbie showed up this am intent on building her nest on the other side of the column where a disaster happened last year. It is NOT safe. Am beside myself.
Last edited by tina martin on Fri May 06, 2011 11:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Dear Diary
Have fun at the gym. 
I read about a sort of "bird's nest netting", a special kind, that will keep at risk nests safe, but won't allow the birds to become tangled. If you are interested, I'll search for the name of it...
As for a business sense, I used to give everything away as well. Now, with my own personal ebay seller, I'm selling what ever I can. Decorators call it editing. I'm busy editing.
(( LOVE ))
I read about a sort of "bird's nest netting", a special kind, that will keep at risk nests safe, but won't allow the birds to become tangled. If you are interested, I'll search for the name of it...
As for a business sense, I used to give everything away as well. Now, with my own personal ebay seller, I'm selling what ever I can. Decorators call it editing. I'm busy editing.
(( LOVE ))
Re: Dear Diary
J's a busy Ladie. Be careful not to become a workaholic in a form of not working out the issues.
T puts your efforts in words I can't touch and it's all the truth. Amazing hard evidence of the accountibility involved. Keep on rolling my friend.
As for dh, I am going to share some male perspective and I agree with the shrink that he is in a crisis mode. A must know before anything positive will or can happen is whats medications and what recreational drug, even drink is involved. Do not pester him of the what are you going to do question, I will guess and say that he really does not know at this point, a couple reasons prevalent. You and his relationship and his work. For the most part we are our work, when that faulters we or I know it and it eats at selfesteem if not managed in a manageable way. He has anger uissues that is obvious and untill they are confronted by him with a strucktured bipartisin noodle straightener he will more than likely implode. It will take time to recover, recovery does not start untill the pain ie: anger is disected and understood so as to defuse the fuel feeding his fire. Confronting or nudgeing will only agravate, find away to make him humbly thirst for understanding. Keep it from being friends or family. I can share more later but I must move on, had a dr appoint took all morning. It was a healthy appointment for things in my changeing things.
J, do not attempt to put the load of supporting him on your back.It is not your load to carry, keep a steady pace and let the actions he sees from you speak for itself. He must keep busy.
The gas truck is here i add later. Have a safe and wonderful day, hope ya have a smooth work wkend.
R
T puts your efforts in words I can't touch and it's all the truth. Amazing hard evidence of the accountibility involved. Keep on rolling my friend.
As for dh, I am going to share some male perspective and I agree with the shrink that he is in a crisis mode. A must know before anything positive will or can happen is whats medications and what recreational drug, even drink is involved. Do not pester him of the what are you going to do question, I will guess and say that he really does not know at this point, a couple reasons prevalent. You and his relationship and his work. For the most part we are our work, when that faulters we or I know it and it eats at selfesteem if not managed in a manageable way. He has anger uissues that is obvious and untill they are confronted by him with a strucktured bipartisin noodle straightener he will more than likely implode. It will take time to recover, recovery does not start untill the pain ie: anger is disected and understood so as to defuse the fuel feeding his fire. Confronting or nudgeing will only agravate, find away to make him humbly thirst for understanding. Keep it from being friends or family. I can share more later but I must move on, had a dr appoint took all morning. It was a healthy appointment for things in my changeing things.
J, do not attempt to put the load of supporting him on your back.It is not your load to carry, keep a steady pace and let the actions he sees from you speak for itself. He must keep busy.
The gas truck is here i add later. Have a safe and wonderful day, hope ya have a smooth work wkend.
R