I Am Going Through a Difficult Time!!!

[Guest]

First of all, I want to wish all the Mothers on this forum a very happy "Mother's Day"

I just found out that a really dear friend of ours has cancer. The cancer has spread throughout his entire body, and his family are going through such a rough time!!!

I got really nauseous when I found out this news!!! My heart has been crushed, and I can't help but wander why this is happening????

I have lost sooo many loved ones to this dreadful disease on both sides of my family, and I know how they just seem to waste away, and suffer sooo terribly!!!!!

I live in the Eastern part of Kentucky, and the doctors say that this area is a "cancerous area" for some reason!!!

Also, my son and his wife are getting divorced. My son is 25, and he married when he was 20. He did not date long enough to find out the type of person, my soon to be ex-daughter-in-law, really was. She put on an act until they got married, and then her true colors began to show, and they were not pretty.

She has been in our family for almost 6 years, and despite the fact, we have grown to love her!!! It has been really hard "letting go" but, I know that it is for the best!!!

It is also extremely difficult for me to deal with because it goes against my "Spiritual Beliefs"....I believe in hanging in there through thick and thin!!!!

I just feel like there are too many divorces today!!!! I have spent a lot of my precious time thinking about this situation!!! I worry that my son is "messing up" by getting a divorce!!!

I wish things would have turned out differently, but, like I said, they just were too young, and never knew each other well enough to make that leap!!!

Everyone has their share of problems in this life....Yes, even me..."The one who tries her best to help those who are suffering on this forum"...Life is Not fair, and we all know that!!!!

I just felt the need to share....God Bless


BTW...Cornflower, I could use some of your wisdom, right now!!!

[Mary L. Smith]

Ms. T Bones, I am so sorry that you have had such bad news about your friend with cancer.I will certainly be praying for him, his family and of course you. It is difficult to loose those we love, but God knows best for all of us and loves us all. About your son, I understand what you mean when you say you don't even believe in divorce, I don't either. The only thing you need to realize is that your son is grown and is making his own choices at this time. The Bible says that we are to train up our children in the way that they should go, but that doesn't always mean that they will. I will of course be praying for them also and we will see what God will do.
You also have a happy Mother's Day.

[Guest]

Dear Mary....Thanks for your reply. The oddest thing about all this is that I am actually scared for them to try and work this out!!!

My son's wife had an extreme temper!!! She would throw tantrums over the smallest things!!!

A couple of years ago, she was working at the Dixie Freeze in our small town. After work, she would go to a friend's house. Her friend was a drinker, and my daughter-in-law would drink a few. Although, she never did drugs nor was a heavy drinker.

She would call my son to go and pick her up from her friend's house. This went on for a few weeks, then, one night she didn't call my son, and she ended up going out with some guy, and coming in sometime near daylight.

My son found out about this, because my daughter-in-law's friend called my son, saying that they had took off in her vehicle when she was supposedly passed out.

My daughter-in-law lied about everything, until, she was forced into a corner, and after hours, she finally admitted to going out with this guy. My son had to literally drag the truth about where they had gone, since, she even lied about this one, also.

It turned out the two of them had gone to some remote area and had gotten stuck in some mud-hole. My son took her back when she insisted that nothing happened between the two of them.

My son trusted her with all his heart. And, he was sooo hurt. Things were never quite the same between the two of them, after that one...

Also, I raised up my son in a very clean atmosphere, and she was soooo unclean. I mean she was just flat out nasty in the house, and it was horrible. The dishes would be piled up for days, and you could barely get into their bathroom for all the clothes which were piled up. The dirty ones, mixed up with the clean...
The list just goes on and on...

My son would clean it up spotless, and by the next day, she would have things thrown all over. She never picked up after herself, and didn't even try in that area. She would go to her mother's after work...I guess she didn't know how to deal with it, herself....

After a while, my son lost heart, and began doing only his laundry, and the rest was piled up; the dirty with the clean...

Also, he would give her the money to pay bills, and she would take the money and spend it, and swore that she paid the bills. Later, he would find out the hard way, that some of the bills had never been paid. This happened several times...

She lied sooo much...It is just sooo hard to explain...She would tell lies over the simplest of things...

I remember her telling me that she had an up-to-date permit for driving. I had seen her look at the date, a few days before...

I naturally assume that her permit is legit, and I take her out and allow her to drive me everywhere. You have to understand, she was a really poor driver, and it was very difficult for me to ride with her to begin with...


This went on for a few weeks...I was determined to help her get her driver's license...

Then, came the date to get her license. I awoke her up that morning, and asked to see her permit. When, I looked at it, I was dumbfounded...The permit had been expired for 4 years....

I was sooo angry, as well as, hurt. I could barely believe she had treated me in this manner. I had risked my life at her hands...Also, she could have gotten me into some serious trouble. When confronted with this, she became very defensive, then, finally admitted to the truth, but, only after I brought up the fact, that I had seen her checking out the permit date a few weeks earlier...

I went to church that weekend, and asked to be anointed for a need. I just felt sooo betrayed, and I needed to let go of all the hurt and anger. I walked out of the church feeling as though nothing had ever happened. God had supplied my need. I was no longer angry or hurt.

I told her if she still wanted to get her license, then, I would continue helping her. I drove her over to the courthouse, and she passed her permit. She waited a month, then, I took her once again, and she got her driver's license. I loved her as my very own!!!

Her temper was out of this world. She would literally go insane. I was always trying to keep peace between the two of them.

My daughter-in-law was also a control freak. My son either wore what she liked, or she cut one of her usual fits. He had to go places, where he felt very uncomfortable, or she went loony-tunes. Everything had to be her way, and in her time, or she completely lost control...

Over the past two years, my son had gotten tired of all the arguing, so, he just gave in to her every little whelm, and never spoke his mind at all. It was though he was living her life, and not his own!!!! Everything was about what she wanted, and she did not consider his feelings in any way!!!

All of this finally took it's toll on my son. The last couple of months of the marriage; he began going out with friends and drinking. Of course, his wife also went along, until, the last weekend of their marriage.

I had no idea he was even drinking. This was sooo difficult for me, and I was soooo bothered by this!!! I found this out the last week they were together.

His wife told me that he had been drinking for the last couple of months. Of course, I was really upset at him, and let it be known to him. I had no idea, that, she had been drinking with him, until, the night that he ended it...

That night which was just a few weeks ago; he come home drinking. My hubby (his father) saw him, and took his keys. He rode his 4-wheeler down some old country road, and that is when it all came out...

The next morning, his wife came to my house and told me that he didn't have his wedding band on. At first, I thought she was fibbing, but, soon found out different...

I went to their house with his wife, and checked for myself. When my son got up out of the bed, I listened as his wife asked him why he didn't have his wedding band on. He told her he had taken it off the night before, and that he was confused, since, they had been through sooo much...

He went on to tell her that he had gotten in the vehicle with a girl whom he knew before he met his wife. I was sooo hurt and confused. This was sooo hard for me to comprehend...

He basically told his wife that he wanted a divorce. He said that he had all that he could take in the marriage, and he wanted out.

I listened in disbelief, as I heard him tell her all these things. I guess you could say that I stuck my nose in where it didn't belong. I told him that he would not be blessed for getting into a vehicle with this girl, and him a married man. I was sooo angry at him...

He filed for his divorce the next week, and is now seeing this girl!!!

I have had sooo many mixed emotions over this one!!! I cried for at least a week, non-stop...

He has always confided in me. He told me that he liked this girl because she allowed him to be his self, and that she was clean, down-to-earth, and gave him attention!!!

Last week, while eating out in a local restaurant; I met up with his wife's aunt by marriage. She told me not to give this one a second thought. She has been married into that family before my son's wife was even born.

She said that my son's wife had slept with the guy she had went out with a couple of years ago. She said she was 99% sure of this. She said that the info. had come from a very reliable source.

She also said that I should be very thankful that they were getting divorced. She said that my son's wife was just like her mother. Her mother, also, was a very unclean housekeeper, and a control freak.

She said that my son's wife's mother had drove her own hubby insane, and that he had spent 4 months in a mental institution in the early years of their marriage, and was now on nerve pills just to deal with her....

She went on to ask me, if I would rather my son be in a mental ward somewhere? I knew my son had begun having panic attacks since marrying his wife, so, this really gave me something to thing about. She said that my son's wife was not wasting her moments crying over me.

I do know this lady, and I also know that she is a very open, and honest human being. She is not a trouble-maker, and never volunteers any type of info. unless asked. She does not like conflict, and is a very good person with extremely high morals!!!

I guess what is really bothering me sooo much is that I just was never one to believe in divorce, except for fornication. I do believe one has the right to put the other away in this case, since, this is Biblical!!!

It also really bothers me that my son didn't wait for his divorce to become final before dating this girl. I just feel like this is sooo wrong.

I am sooo confused. None of this makes any sense at all to me!!! You would just have to know my son. His wife was the first for him, and he loved her with all of his heart!!!

He is very honest, so, it you don't want to hear the truth, then, you had better not ask him. He believes in telling on his own self. I taught him these things.

He is also a very peaceful human being, and everyone loves him!!! He will do anything to help anyone out in any way. He has always believed in being true to his spouse, and never was a drinker, or anything like that!!!

I guess you could say that he was as straight as straight could be. He loves playing the guitar, and is really good at it. He enjoys playing gospel music, and loves the Lord...

Like I said before...I am just soooo confused. None of this makes any sense at all to me....
I don't understand why any of this is happening!!!

I worry that the Lord will be angry at him, and allow something terrible happen to him. I am constantly praying for him. I pray angels around him every day and night!!!!

I pray that the Lord leads and guides him throughout his lifetime!!! I pray without ceasing on this one!!!!

Both of my children love me dearly. My son is sooo respectful to me, and can not stand me being upset at him...We are soooo close!!! Of course, I have the same relationship with my daughter!!! My children are my entire world!!!

I raised both of them up in church, so, they do know the right way!!! I taught them to fear the Lord with a healthy fear!!!

I just wish I was an outsider looking in, and could make more sense of this entire ordeal!!!!

I am sorry that I wrote sooo much, but, I needed to let this out. I have been holding this in, for far too long!!!!

I appreciate any and all input on this one!!!

May God Bless Each and Every One of You...

[Shifrah]

Hi Ms. T.

Thank you for sharing all this. Your son must be going through a ton of emotional pain. I hope he can get some kind of pastoral counseling about this whole situation. Since the wife already committed adultery he is already within his Biblical rights to file for divorce.

About your friend with the cancer, I'm so sorry to hear this. If your area has a high cancer rate, I hope you are using filtered water and will consider using natural cleaning products around you home, and also as much organic food as you can afford. Reduce the risk, I say. We do what we can, you know many companies are making natural cleaners and things, and they are really affordable now.

What comes to my mind about all this is "be less effected" I know this may be easier said than done, but it's certainly something to apply because you could easily let yourself get really wrapped up in your sons marriage. It sounds like the divorce will run its course and it also sounds like your son has already moved on from it, maybe it is a blessing in disguise for him, as you say, he was already getting affected by it so much. He is moving on to his better place, and thank goodness no children are involved, right? Hopefully this will be a new life for him.

I say, just be there for either one of them that needs support but allow them to move through this without getting too emotionally involved. I know this will be very difficult to do but I am praying for you!

<IMG SRC="http://www.boomspeed.com/1631951/hugs05.jpg">

[Guest]

My dear Ms. T - Bone!!!
Oh my! I have so much empathy for you. At this moment I can't think of many 'wise' things to say. I just know the pain that you feel and the helplessness that engulfs you in this circumstance.
About your friend. We have to accept the grief of knowing a friend is so dreadfully ill.
I will ask the Loving Lord to give you strength to be able to support your friend. It takes so much out of you. It is hard. But in the end, He/She will escape the pain into the arms of Jesus. You can rejoice at that. Tho' missing them is still to come. But we do survive these things. I have seen my parents and 2 sisters and a brother go. And I have a brother very weak now. But letting go, my dear, is all a part of life. You can do it.

About your son ............. I will tell you the outcome of my son's divorce before I mention the pain of it all.
I will tell you that first so that you know that his divorce is not the end of the world.
Remember dear Ms T Bone, that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.
And as a member of this forum used to write at the end of all her posts, "everything turns out all right in the end and if it isn't working out it isn't the end yet" (not exact quote of her writing).
So have patience and just wait on the Lord.
Remember that THEY THAT WAIT ON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRIENGTH. THEY SHALL RISE UP WITH WINGS AS EAGLES. THEY SHALL RUN AND NOT BE WEARY, THEY SHALL WALK AND NOT FAINT.

So what happened to my son. Well he married his 2nd wife on valentine's day 1985 and they have been married 24 years now. He says that his wife is his very best friend. They have a daughter who is 22 (in July) .

When he and his first wife got the divorce he told me that he cried so much that he got dehydrated.
But you see , as the Lord said in Isaiah : "What the locust had eaten was restored" (not a quote).

Yes, you and your son are going thru' pain now.
And none of us like divorce. but sometimes we have no control over what happens.

You know how you advice our little friends on this forum who are suffering not to run from it but to let it happen.........

Well, you must accept this pain and let it happen. Because you won't be able to control all that is going on.

Just be there praying for your son And his wife.

And let them figure all this out. It is very hurtful. That is what divorce is - hurtful. It touches everyone. It is like a huge octopus, reaching out with crushing arms causing pain in all directions.

But you can get thru' this.
The Lord is your refuge and your rock!!!
Hold on to Him.
You are in my prayers.
MJ
Oh, my son's first wife is remarried and has lived with husband for years. I think maybe she is happy. She lives out in the desert of California. I loved her also. She was so beautiful.
She and my son married too young as you were saying. They were children really, even tho' he was in the Navy.
I think they are both okay now.
God was finsihed with them.

[Guest]

Thank you Shifrah and Cornflower for your replies!!! There are not enough explanatory words in the dictionary to express my gratitude towards the two of you!!!!

I read these two replies, and I am crying!!!!
You people are just soooo Awesome!!!!

Shifrah...You said that my son has a Biblical right to divorce his wife, but, does that still apply, since, she went out on him 2 years ago?

Cornflower...If you don't mind me asking...was there fornication going on in your son's first marriage? I guess I just need to know everything will be okay with my son....Thank You..

I love you both, more than you will ever know...God Bless

BTW...Shifrah...I loved that big bear hug!!! You have a picture for everything...You are the best!!!! Thank You...

[Craw]

BTW...Shifrah...I think I became too emotionally involved from the onset of this thing!!! I have allowed this situation to run down my immune system ...I, now, have all the flu symptoms, but, I am sure I will be fine ...Thanks to you gals!!!

[Gman5256]

Hi T,

I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I agree with nearly all of what both Shifrah and Cornflower said, and I am sure you have your own thoughts on these matters that are good and consistent.

It is so hard to get hit with so many things at once. It must have been horrible to witness the trials your son has been going through. He is a grown man, and you’ve set him in God’s Hands. Open your hands, and trust in the Lord. As much as we fight and struggle to get control of things (at least in our own minds), we have to confess that it is God that is in control. As Cornflower said in her post and found in the Bible: “… all things work together for good, for those that love the Lord…” I think I can safely say that everyone here knows how much you love the Lord.

Having said all that, I know how much pain it causes us, to see our loved ones suffer. I do believe you should encourage your son to visit and chat with the pastor to seek some spiritual counseling on these matters. Trust me, your son is going to be fine. God will place a Proverbs 31 woman right into his arms and they will cherish, love and respect each other. Consider this a test not just for your son, but for you and your hubby. I know that you can you see that now. You are so good.

Please take what Shif, said seriously. As I read your post, I was thinking the very same things, and then you recounted the many people in your area that have suffered because of cancer. I was wondering why the Lord, seemed to be stirring me this morning and probably got frustrated with this servant, because I got involved in other things of poetry that did not minister to Him. It was because of you my little sister. He wants me to pray for you, your son and your friend.

I have bowed before the King and entered my petitions on your behalf, and for Shif and Cornflower. The Lord know s how much I love all of you as my own little sisters.

My heart is stirred with compassion and pity that we must all endure these things, but thanks be to God, the author and perfecter of our faith and hope, as we suffer and forebear with one another; I pray to my Daddy God, that His perfect love fill our every moment and breath, and pray that we all to be as a sweet fragrance that is pleasing to Him.

Praise Him in our storms, praise Him in our valleys deep below, from within the depths of me, in all things I give thanks and praise. I pray that my Daddy God, remove every stumbling block, and every strong hold that has been laid before us, and that my Daddy God make our paths smooth as we yoke ourselves to Him, all for His praise and glory.

I pray all these things and that which the Spirit has given me, in and through our precious Lord Jesus Christ for His praise and glory, forever and ever; Amen!!!

T, Shout to the Lord: http://www.klove.com/lyrics/lyrics.asp?375

Like the Old Pentecostals would say, no matter what; Praise Him anyway!

Let’s all sing this song at 10 EDT AM, Today! Stop everything, we’re doing and let’s lift up the name of Jesus! Shout it! Just because! I am singing it now 7:55 EDT.
Bless the mighty name of Jesus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6G0U8Vg6nY

I sing for joy
At the work
Of Your hands
Forever I'll love You
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares
To the promise
I have in You

[Gman5256]

Take courage little sister,

Watch this testimony:

http://www.sidroth.org/asx/sn11-13-06.asx

I pray this story give you peace; the peace that surpasses all understanding.

[Gman5256]

Hi all,

I don't know about you, but I felt a huge out pouring of Love that gave me such a sense of gratitude.

I will do this again at 11 PM. I pray our spirits be joined in unity of purpose for the Praise and Glory of His Name.

Bless you Jesus, Bless you my friends, brothers and sisters in Christ! Amen!!!