I'm a program newbie/would love any input

[rugrat]

Hello everyone. I have just started the program. I have had anxiety and depression most of my life. I used drugs to numb the pain and have been on prescription meds for about 9 years. I stopped taking my anti-depressant about a year ago. I have been doing fine but I had recently received a letter from my insurance provider stating that beginning July 1st, my premium would escalate 67% for no apparent reason. I'm self-employed with a family and a budget so that will not work. I had no choice but to find another carrier which meant that I had to quit taking my other vital medicine that I take at night to sleep and calm my mind. If the insurance company finds that prescription drug in my system, they would never accept me for health or life insurance. We bipolar, manic and anxiously depressed people are labeled for life. Nobody wants to deal with the loonies I guess. What people don't understand, they push away or make fun of. Anyways, I've been off my meds for about 1 month almost cold turkey and awaiting my insurance results. The first few days after I got off the meds, I was attacked by a full blown anxiety arsenal which had also awoke my depression. I have been an emotional wreck suffering many different symptoms. Panic attacks, insomnia, uncontrollable crying, scary vivid images that I can't explain, etc... I know that I wasn't supposed to quit like that, but I really didn't have a choice. I saw Lucindas program infommercial on TV and decided to try it. I even cried to the peoples testimonials that night because everything that they had talked about, I felt and had. I have just completed session one and am doing the relaxation CD. What can I say, I have my good days and bad days. I am looking forward to completing the program and rewiring my brain permanently and drug free. We just can't live like prisoners in our own mind. I would love to hear back from anyone who can relate or just any input on my situation or yours. Thank you for reading my comment.

[ninadancer]

Hi Rugrat...Welcome to the program! You were very brave to quit your meds cold turkey - I hope you are feeling much better. i have had anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life too - and of course the depression that comes along with them. I did the program several years ago, but didnt finish it because I was feeling better. Bad move because I still had things to resolve. So here I am again, doing the program and hoping for results. I have good days and bad days, and I really want ot zero in on what I am doing right on the good days!! I cant seem to pinpoint anything, but I will keep trying and suggest you do the same. This peer support forum is such a wonderful thing! It so nice to be able to talk to people about our problems and they really get it - no judgements, just complete understanding! I do the relaxation CD every night before bed it its been helping me fall asleep. Try the chat room too! There are only a handful of us that use it, and I have noticed people come on mostly later on in the evening. Good luck with your insurance!!! Nina

[rugrat]

Thanks for your input Ninadancer. I will give the chat room a try. I wish you all the best with your battle. I know we can do it. I try to be a faithful and spiritual person. I sincerely believe that if God brought us to it, He will get us through it. I want to believe that just like everything else in life that tries to break us and doesn't, only makes us stronger. I have to say that we are our own worst enemies and that the battle with our minds is one of the toughest wars out there. If we can overcome this, the sky is the limit. I hope I'm not being too optomistic for some of you. It's just that any positive reinforcement helps with the cognitive rewiring process for me. Stay brave, be strong and remember that this too shall pass.

[tina martin]

Welcome to the program and the site. Congratulations on trying your best to take charge yourself. You've successfully jumped the biggest hurdle to recondition your mind and psyche by leaving the meds and coming here. Give the program the attention it calls for and be ever so patient with yourself. I meditate am and pm without fail. I exercise. Again, it may take time to get the full benefits.

Praise yourself for your efforts and dedication. The likes of us have to learn to praise ourself. We'll support you as best we can. Glad you are here.

[chill1981]

Welcome to the program. I have been in the program for 3 weeks. I am not doing each session for 1 week.. I tend to draw each week out a bit. I keep reviewing because I don't want to forget things. I get so focused on something that I can't remember a lot of things. I have been suffering from depression for quite a while now.. since about 99'. I've been on an antidepressant since 2004 and I wonder if I'll ever be able to go off them. I'm scared to go off it because Dr's have told me that I could go into an even worse depression than I was having to begin with. I am having a very hard time being motivated with the program. I've come to realize that rather than deal with my anxiety I've just avoided, and then felt sorry for myself.. It's like I want to be a negative person because that's all I've known my whole life. I don't know how to think positive.. if I think positive then I'm changing my whole person.. I can come across positive but inside I"m super negative. I hope that going through this program will help me to be sincerely a positive person, and not faking it. It's hard to realize that I'm the one causing my anxiety and then my depression.. me! that was very hard to accept.. and I'm still struggling with that. I just started posting stuff on here because I need a lot of support to. I feel so alone sometimes. I hope you find success with the program.