Am I doing something wrong?

[ninadancer]

Hi all. I am new to this forum, but not new the the atacking anxiety program. I first "tried" the program when I was in my 30's. It was on cassette tapes, and I didnt complete it. I started to feel better like I always had since I was 15 and started having panic attacks. I learned some skills that "got me by" but I still had that lingering black cloud over me waiting to strike again. This time I am in my late 40's and panic has stuck again, but this time it seems worse than ever. I recently had major surgery in January, and ever since I have had terrible anxiety and full blown panic attacks. I am now on week 4 of the series that I recently purchased again. I have been doing the relaxation tapes once a day, but I am thinking I should do it more from what I have been reading. My panic attacks seem to be stemming from fears about my health. If I get a pain in my leg I worry about a blood clot, if I get short of breath I think its a pulmonary embolism, if my vision gets fuzzy - stroke...you get where I'm at. I had what I believe was a HUGE panic attack in March when I was home alone. My vision got all fuzzy, and thats all it took. I must have been hyperventilating because I got very dizzy, tunnel vision, and was certain I was dying from a stroke. I called 911 and my sister, went to the ER, had an ekg,ct scan,blood work, and all were normal. Mind you this was the first time in 30 years of panic attacks that I EVER went to the ER for one. So now I am super hypersensitive to any body symptom and I am wondering if this is some sort of PTSD from the surgery. I am afraid of going anywhere where I dont have an escape route in case I panic. These feelings are something I have been battling since the first attack at 15. Ive been to psychologists and psychiatrists, ( no meds except for the 3 xanax they gave me after surgery) and I get better for a little while - almost normal - then I crash back into anxiety and panic and I wish I knew how to stop this cycle. Has anyone had their anxiety and panic come and go through the years? Any ideas on how to break the cycle?

[tina martin]

My issues have been with me throughout most of my life. But we can help ourself. Accept what is and give it our best to move on and up.

Do the program, slowly, attentively, with hope and positive thinking. Try simple exercise such as walking, for example. I meditate twice a day, praising myself and telling myself to be relaxed and calm and at peace. Anxiety (or depression) can do awful things. We need to be vigilant, but we need not accede to any of it. Off to meditate right now. Things will look up for you.

And Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there.

[ninadancer]

Thank you Tina. It seems to have gotten the best of me this time - and I say this time because it has come and gone for decades. I guess I thought I had it beat, so when it came back I was taken by a terrible surprise. I have had tons of stress in my life these past few years. So many changes too - both good and bad. You said something very profound - to accept this...I never thought once to accept this. Initially I denied it because I didnt know what it was and was sure I was going crazy. Even when I found out that what I was having were panic attacks, I still never really accepted them - i just kept doing whatever it took to get rid of them. There's something almost soothing about the thought of accepting them as a part of who I am...Just like if someone has another type of illness, we do the best with the cards we've been dealt. Now, i am not sure I can accept this, but since fighting it hasnt helped, accepting it cant be much worse...lol....blessings! nina

[tina martin]

Glad this speaks to you, Nina. For me it's more depression rather than panic attacks, though I do know about them first hand from a relative. One or another, they are related, can dominate, and hurt us.....if we let them.

When I say accept I don't mean yield or give up to it, but just as you say: it exists somewhere within but need not rule us. I know I must work at myself most every day. Maybe we can dance together in living as best as possible.

[lucy knepp]

I suffer from depression and anxiety. Have all my life. Such a waste. Even now my thoughts go to the negative. But like I've said a few times now this program and the mini chat and the forums has really helped. The anxious times still come and sometimes the techniques I learned work and sometimes they don't. But I won't give up. The biggest thing now is that I still feel I missed too much of life by worrying and being depressed. But I am not dead yet so I want to enjoy the years I have left. My grand children have brightened my life. I focus on them and trying to be a good influence for them. I want to do that.
It's not all about me......I want them to grow up strong and independent and kind too.
lucy