Dear Barbara S,
I am sorry for the bullying. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif"> Children can be very cruel. That can force a child to have anxiety about school and social occasions. If your wonderful but meek family was by nature passive then you were not shown the skills to be asertive for yourself and stand up.
Now that you are an adult just look in the mirror and see, not just some of your physical attractive features, (everyone has something) but your inner beauty. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/smile.gif"> Let those qualities glow and feel pride in them. And if they could just see you now.
Remember, often people bully because they are insecure about themselves. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/frown.gif"> It draws attention away from themselves as they turn it toward another. Then they think they'll get friends because they created sensationalism. It's like the person who gossips so that he gets attention and looks good for being a source of amusing information.
Where are those people today? Believe me, not all have changed. And if they bring those traits into their adult lives they will have rotten marriages, relationships and problems at work. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/eek.gif">
You, on the other hand are a humble person that can show empathy toward others. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/wink.gif"> Find a child or adult that has lack of self-esteem and build them up. Find volunteer work at a school or other to help kids like you were. Create a support system by going to an elementry shool and set up something and do a seminar with questions. If you have anxiety about this (a social situtation) you might be able to heal yourself and others. If you can't do it, then write an article and have it read or published in a local paper.
You'll be just fine because you are fine. <IMG SRC="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ubb/smile.gif">
Best to You,
Victoria
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Victoria
What age group are you in? Interesting to know what ages seem to have more anxiety.
Barbara S,
I can definitely identify with having kids pick on you all the time. I always had kids picking on me when I was going to school. I never did anything to these kids. All I ever did was try to be friendly to them, but they would pick on my anyway. I hated going to school. They made my life miserable. My worst years were when I was in middle school. This is how a typical day would be. There were a few who road the bus with me to school and the rest were at school in my classes and I would hate to go to school, because I would get picked on from the time I got on the bus until I got home.
That was many years ago and it did not help my self-esteem to say the least. I realize kids can be cruel. I think that has contributed to me having panic attacks. It may have been many years ago,but it can leave a person with emotional scars for the rest of there life about how they feel about themselves. You just have to try and get past it somehow. As long as you live in the past you can not live for today and today is what matters now. No matter how hard you try you can not change something that has happened in the past all you can do is make your today as good as can be.
I can definitely identify with having kids pick on you all the time. I always had kids picking on me when I was going to school. I never did anything to these kids. All I ever did was try to be friendly to them, but they would pick on my anyway. I hated going to school. They made my life miserable. My worst years were when I was in middle school. This is how a typical day would be. There were a few who road the bus with me to school and the rest were at school in my classes and I would hate to go to school, because I would get picked on from the time I got on the bus until I got home.
That was many years ago and it did not help my self-esteem to say the least. I realize kids can be cruel. I think that has contributed to me having panic attacks. It may have been many years ago,but it can leave a person with emotional scars for the rest of there life about how they feel about themselves. You just have to try and get past it somehow. As long as you live in the past you can not live for today and today is what matters now. No matter how hard you try you can not change something that has happened in the past all you can do is make your today as good as can be.
Dear Sandy,
Thank you for the kind advice. You are right of course, living in the past does no good. Feeling sorry for ourselves does no good, but we, all who have suffered in these ways, are better and stronger for our efforts to overcome, right?!
It helps just to hear from you and others and to know that truly we are not alone and we will heal.
Barbara
Thank you for the kind advice. You are right of course, living in the past does no good. Feeling sorry for ourselves does no good, but we, all who have suffered in these ways, are better and stronger for our efforts to overcome, right?!
It helps just to hear from you and others and to know that truly we are not alone and we will heal.
Barbara
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JFrench683
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2001 2:00 am
Hello,
I am a 24 year old single male in South Carolina. Suffered my first noteable symptoms at 18 when my Dad was in the hospital for heart bypass surgery. I had terrible heartburn and could not go into the hospital without feeling like I was going to pass out. My first panic attack occured at age 20 with rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, etc. Grew up as the youngest child in my family and was given a lot of attention and sheltered. I had a lot of problems with nervousness and being afraid to be alone when I was a child/teenager.
My father suffers from depression although he will not admit it. My Grandmother had depression most of her life and took medication at times. Mother is a chronic worrier and all of good and bad qualities of a perfectionist. Both of my older sisters have anxiety but one more so than the other.
She has MVP and took medication for many years for depression/anxiety.
I believe that genetics can make you more prone to anxiety/depression, but overall the way we are socialized or what we are exposed to as children determines our outcome more so. I do not have any children but I believe I would raise them in a different manner than the way I was raised. To spoil and shelter your children creates dependence and I hope that my children will not have to ever feel dependent upon anyone as I have. The way you were treated by your mother or father can also set false expectations for your partner's/spouse's performance.
I agree that a lot more men suffer from this than are willing to admit it. How easy is it to admit something like this to other men or women? Not very unless they have experiences it firsthand which is why this forum and the program are very helpful. Take Care everyone.
-Ben
I am a 24 year old single male in South Carolina. Suffered my first noteable symptoms at 18 when my Dad was in the hospital for heart bypass surgery. I had terrible heartburn and could not go into the hospital without feeling like I was going to pass out. My first panic attack occured at age 20 with rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, etc. Grew up as the youngest child in my family and was given a lot of attention and sheltered. I had a lot of problems with nervousness and being afraid to be alone when I was a child/teenager.
My father suffers from depression although he will not admit it. My Grandmother had depression most of her life and took medication at times. Mother is a chronic worrier and all of good and bad qualities of a perfectionist. Both of my older sisters have anxiety but one more so than the other.
She has MVP and took medication for many years for depression/anxiety.
I believe that genetics can make you more prone to anxiety/depression, but overall the way we are socialized or what we are exposed to as children determines our outcome more so. I do not have any children but I believe I would raise them in a different manner than the way I was raised. To spoil and shelter your children creates dependence and I hope that my children will not have to ever feel dependent upon anyone as I have. The way you were treated by your mother or father can also set false expectations for your partner's/spouse's performance.
I agree that a lot more men suffer from this than are willing to admit it. How easy is it to admit something like this to other men or women? Not very unless they have experiences it firsthand which is why this forum and the program are very helpful. Take Care everyone.
-Ben
Just wanted to agree with Ben, that I think that family behaviors and attitudes have a lot to do with the development of anxiety. I know that some people with anxiety disorders and depression come from families with histories of abuse or alcoholism or severe mental illness, but I think that many of us come from families that were just "too" good. I know that, in my family, my parents were so overprotective that it ended up really messing up my sense of independence. My parents did everything for me, for a really long time, and I think that now, because of that, I feel very, very needy and dependent on others. I was taken care of so much for so long that now I feel like I have to be taken care of, and that's really the root of most of my anxiety and separation problems. Not that my parents are bad people, or did a bad job--I really, really love them--but I'm going to make sure to give my kids a lot more freedom and make them responsible for a lot more than I was when they are younger.
Hello, I am a 44 year old man, married with 2 children and I am coming out of the anxiety closet and making my first posts after lurking here for quite awile. I have had anxiety off and on for 20 years. I started having scary thoughts when I was 24, I thought I was going crazy. They eventually went away but resurfaced off and on throughout the years. I managed to live with them. I was at my lowest point in 1996 when I found this program.
This program is the best thing that ever happened to me ! It's been a long journey and I still have lots of scary thoughts but they don't scare me as much as they used to.
Some days I just let them go, other days I fight them. Letting them go always works best. I am still learning to manage them.
My mother's alcoholic and suffers from anxiety and panic , is it hereditary ? Maybe, or maybe I learned it from her.
This program is the best thing that ever happened to me ! It's been a long journey and I still have lots of scary thoughts but they don't scare me as much as they used to.
Some days I just let them go, other days I fight them. Letting them go always works best. I am still learning to manage them.
My mother's alcoholic and suffers from anxiety and panic , is it hereditary ? Maybe, or maybe I learned it from her.
Dear FCM,
Thank you for taking the time to reply to this posted question. You are doing just excellant for doing it. I understand that saying one has a problem with anxiety can be very difficult. And more so for a man who is often, by society, expected to be strong, the provider, the father, etc.
The truth of the matter is that one has nothing to do with the other. As a matter of fact having anxiety and working as well as your are with it positively enhances your personality. You most likely are more understanding and can show empathy toward your family. A good virture in itself.
Keep up the good work.
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Victoria
Thank you for taking the time to reply to this posted question. You are doing just excellant for doing it. I understand that saying one has a problem with anxiety can be very difficult. And more so for a man who is often, by society, expected to be strong, the provider, the father, etc.
The truth of the matter is that one has nothing to do with the other. As a matter of fact having anxiety and working as well as your are with it positively enhances your personality. You most likely are more understanding and can show empathy toward your family. A good virture in itself.
Keep up the good work.
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Victoria
Life with purpose and hope is better attained with an accurate road map when followed.