The Anxiety Program didn't work for me.

MrCleveland · Post by **MrCleveland** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:53 am

I am STILL anxious, I am STILL depressed, and I am STILL dependent. And as I mentioned in the last post, I might as well let go of God since he won't answer my prayers, or usually say 'No'. Even though I'm in my mid-20's, I feel like a child and I might as well say that I'm not a man because I don't have whatever my family has. Even my younger brother and sister are older than me, mentally. I feel this will never end, and I thought this year will be my year, but I got duped again!

Prv31Mom · Post by **Prv31Mom** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:00 am

Slow down Cleveland. Hoe mant times have you done the program? Are you on medications? Do you see a therapist? Don't give up until you have tried all options.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:00 am

Hi I am sorry you feel this way. The program doesn't work for anyone, you make it work for you. It is your attitude and mindset. You create the anxiety, stress and drama. You can either enjoy your life or choose to be down and the victim. I recommend listening to the program again, maybe reading Lucinda's From Panic to Power. Good luck to you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:57 pm

Please do not give up on the program. I can tell you that I am devoting my time to this program and it is working. I listen to the CDS on my way to work, while cooking dinner, cleaning house, I fit it in with everyday chores. It takes work on your part, but it is worth it. Take any success, however small, and celebrate it. Trust yourself and the program and you will see that it can work for you.

LisaLisa

Craw · Post by **Craw** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:47 am

hi there...

First off I have to say the its not the program that didnt work for you....its you that didnt work the program. I read your post and its choke full of negative statements. Now I know its hard to be positive when you feel so badly about everything in your life but if you dont make those changes as the program suggests then you wont feel the effects. Very similar to the concept of if you fill your car with sugar water it wont run....but if you fill it with gas it runs very smooth.

My first advice to you ifyou want to feel better is to start seriously working on your positive talk....internally and to other. Im still anxious, Im still dependent, Im still depressed....all this is just utter crap your filling your head with no wonder you dont feel well your not even compassionate to yourself. Try saying Im determined to get better, I will try really hard to do independent things even if they are small. As far as comparring yourself to your siblings and others dont do that....we are all unique there are things about you that are special you just dont focus on them you only focus on what you dont or cant do.

Its also very easy to "blame" God for not fixing things...we feel like hey Im a good person and I ask of you and yet I dont feel better so its easy to feel like hes not listening. But he is...Your here and you have this program and online site to help you find your way...perhaps he brought you here. God is always listening but we need to put the effort in we cant just lay around asking for a quick fix. You can do this.

Today start a gratefull list. write down 5 things your gratefull for....they might be really simple right now like Im gratefull I have this site to come to for advice. I am gratefull I am a part of a family a whole lot of lonely people out there in the world with no one. Look at that list often throughout the day and everyday make a new one. Start changing your outlook and attitude...if you dont what do you have to look forward to? Well a whole lot of what youve had and it doesnt seem to be making you feel very good.

I say work you program again start from lesson 3 on positive self talk and really pay attention to what you say all day long...record yourself if you have to set up a video recorder in the corner and just record your daily routine with people...then watch it...you might be surprised to hear what you "really" sound like and what reactions you get from you and others.

sometimes what we are missing is the awarness of what we are doing wrong.
If you want this and really work at it you can and will succeed.
Dodger

tweaky1h · Post by **tweaky1h** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:52 am

Hey friend, you are in your mid twenties, which means your mind is still very pliable! Go back, start over, and work this program again. It does have some of the best tools you are going to find anywhere to fix what's broken that brings us here. Why do I know? I am a therapist, yes a real licensed, multiple post grad degrees, and thirty years of work in the field type therapist. I received my education at two of the best universities in this country and I have always been successful, because I picked the type of therapy I could do best: physical rehabilitation. I avoided counseling patients because I knew all the theory techniques, and had either seen or used the treatment tools. Patients just didn't get better. But there were a few tools that always did work, if you could get a super motivated patient. Those tools were the cognitive therapy theories to change your thinking, change your behavior. Trouble was, that is an easy concept, and it works in your head, and it works on paper. It doesn't work in the clinic if the patient doesn't change what they are doing. And I had the same kind of negative thinking the patients had, so I certainly didn't believe it was a lasting fix. I ended up on this program because my parents both died this past year, and I had taken care of them at the end of their lives. I could not let them go. I was so distressed over their passing, I sank into a hole. Then my relationship went south. I bought this program for someone else. He didn't want it. I thought, what the heck. I cannot get any worse. It helped me from day one. It has helped me every day, because I am really working it. My mind is not youthful and pliable. I am 51 years old. Yes it does work. You go back to the beginning, you do the homework. Do it twice if you need to. And work it again. You want to be different? You do the work to change yourself. Pecos

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:38 pm

Hi! For the most part, I agree with everything everyone else has said here. I just want to add one thing.

I have dealt with recurring depression and anxiety my whole life. For the most part, the anxiety has always been there, while the depression would come and go. I always did what I needed to do for a little while, which amounted to taking meds as opposed to changing my life, and this worked for a little bit. Once I started feeling better, I would take myself off the meds and be okay for awhile. Then, the depression would come back. And with each recurring episode, my quality of life became worse and worse. I would be so angry with myself because when I felt better, I convinced myself that I licked these disorders only to find that they would come back time and time again. I tried for so long doing this healing and recovery thing on my own. The last time I had a recurrence a few months ago, I vowed that this would be the last time I handled this on my own. I reached out for help. I started seeing a therapist and psychiatriast, and I found this forum and program, among other books. Now, I feel like I have started a course that I am so happy to be on that I would never want to go back to the way I used to be. That was my old life.

My point in all of this is that it took me some time to really decide that I wanted to get better no matter what it took. So, my question to you is: Do you really want to feel better? Do you really want a different life? Are you ready to change your life? The reason I ask these questions is because until we know in our hearts that we are sick and tired of all of the stress, anxiety, depression, and their associated challenges, then nothing we try will work because we are only dabbling in them as opposed to becoming masters of them. Anxiety and depression, as twisted as it sounds, can become really comfortable to live with because they are so predictable, and when it's all you know, it's really scary to think about a different life for yourself. I know because I lived way too long feeling uncomfortably comfortable in my miserableness. You have to want this to achieve it. Want it in every fiber of your being. It's a life-changing decision once you decide that you want a better life. Once you say yes to your own possibility, it does not really matter which CBT program or techniques you use because you will be committed to recovery. Also, if your mindset is that this program did not or will not work for you, then it won't.

I wish you much luck in making the decisions that you are faced with. When you are ready, then you will do it!

Genie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:33 am

I'd 1st like to say what wonderful & insightful replys y'all have posted here. KUDOS ^^^^^^^^5!

Anxiety disorder reared its ugly head w/ me in APR 2005, after I had surgery for the 1st time. I took immediate action & sought the help of a psychiatrist. After several initial "background/get to know me sessions", I was diagnosed w/ the following: anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD(post traumtic stress disorder) fr: the surgery, 9/11(I was physically & literally there that awful day) & my childhood. I am able to look @ what I've experienced now & can say "wow, omg" - then, I couldn't see it. I had 2 different dr's, both of whom didn't know eachother & had never spoken about me or my state/condition, tell me my case was 1 of the worst they had seen.I was 37 @ the time my anxiety disorder triggered. It came dwn on me HARD & FAST: I couldn't work for the 1st time in my life + I became inhibited/restricted/paralized by MIND NUMBING fear beyond any comprehension I had + I became totally dependant on my husband(I was never a needy/clingy woman) + emotionally dependant on ANYONE willing to give me the time of day. My state was so extreme & severe, I required an anxiety med 3x's per day + 2 sleep aids(I was only averaging 1-2 hrs of sleep per every 24 hrs). I had never needed any medication in my life, other than the occasional "antibiotic". I had no clue what this "thing" was that had befallen me. I was ignorant to it, to be honest. I remember going into my very 1st therapy session w/ my psychiatrist LITERALLY thinkng/telling myself "oh, I'll be done w/ this in 1 MONTH. Then, I can get on w/ my life". I had no real clue just how bad off I was + what the process to recovery will entail + had absolutely no clue @ all - how the traumatic experiences I had in yrs gone by & the emotional toll on me - directly impacted me = beyond my grasp.

Everyone I knew worked. So, while I was home for 3 1/2 yrs recovering, EVERYONE - & I mean EVERYONE I knew - was busy/out & about: my hubby + our family = inlaws + friends. FOlks had jobs + homes + spouses + children + their children's activities,etc. It was hell I was so very lonely. I not only had this extreme & constant state I was in, I was also home alone majority of the time + I knew no one who had anxiety disorder + I had to work thru(in therapy) some of the most gut wrenching/emotionaly paralizing events fr my past. I was overwhelmed. What I would come to realize is my being home alone was A GIFT.

I wasn't literally alone in this world or my life, anxiety disorder just attempted to make it seem as much. My therapist was a phenominal & priceless tool in my journey. As was my husband & the friends I've made in the anxiety world, specifically here @ StressCenter.com. However, the fact remains, they couldn't do it for me. In the end, it was I who had to do all the work - cause what needed to heal/grow/change/evolve was inside of ME. Oh sure, I didn't like that & it took me a longggggggggggggggggggggg while to realize that. Initially, I felt abandoned by those closest to me(I was beyond emotionally dependant) & questioned God himself. The facts were quite simple: if I wanted recovery, I needed to fight like hell to MAKE IT HAPPEN - no, not create excuses - but to make it happen - move heaven & earth to find a way. 

My journey was not easy. It was the most painful thing in my life - but it was the most liberating thing as well. In therapy, we consolidated 30 yrs worth of surpressed pain into 20 MONTHS(starting fr apprx when I was 5 yrs old & forward). I've had to face/feel/deal/acknowledge things + events + occurences that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm not talking some story in a book, no. As scary as the events WERE - the were all REAL & THEY WERE MY LIFE. Facing them was quite necessary. I needed to face my past, rid myself of all those negative surpressed emotions, to make room in my emotional storage for the GOOD STUFF = self accountability & responsibility = facing & changing those parts of ME that created my anxiety disorder. I needed to learn levels of empathy + compassion + humbledness I didn't ever think was possible. I needed to learn forgiveness - a concept that was wayyyyyyyyyyyy over my head(lol, God worked OT w/ this w/ me, trust you me, lol lol). Finally, I needed to learn to LET GO. I was so traumatized, unknowingly, I was stuck in the past. I was living in the past, now, as the past. What I'm attempting to convey here is this, I HAD A LOT ON MY PLATE WHEN MY ANXIETY DISORDER TRIGGERED.

When I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist, he very gently explained what this journey would entail & what it would require of me. You see, MRCLEVELAND, I had 2 choices when my anxiety disorder triggered: 1) I either allowe it to envelop me totally & completely(I was 2 steps away fr being put in a psych hospital, that is no joke)OR 2) I fight like hell, w/ everything had.

Initially, for about 2.2 seconds, like you, I compared myself to those more fortunate than me = THOSE W/O ANXIETY DISORDER. I compared myelf to those who didn't have to live the past I had. I beat myself up for a while, cause I never really loved myself until anxiety disorder forced my hand. I felt guilt & blame on myself - I felt less than cause I had these emotional problems when NO ONE IN MY WORLD/INNER CIRCLE had them. Then, I had bitter resentment for having anxiety disorder - the effects it was havng on me - the past that contributed to it = I was like 1 GIANT KNOT OF ANGER/PAIN/RESENTMENT.

When I said "for about 2.2 seconds" in the above paragraph, I literally meant it. That was just creating more anxiety & negative energy w/ in me. I obviously had enough in me as it were, lol lol. My goal fr the get go was TO FEEL BETTER. I didn't know how/what/where/why - I just knew that 1 singular fact. I became like a horse w/ blinders on - I had the eye of the tiger if you will. Oh back then, I didn't realize I had - I was too caught up in the process to see it. I couldn't afford to waste precious time wallowing or dwelling or having 1 endless pity party. I needed to take action. I needed to take POSITIVE ACTION.

I was no where even ready for Lucinda's program when anxiety disorder triggered. I had to work through many things b/4 I got at that point. Funny thing, I didn't even realize I needed to change back then. I initiated therapy as I said. Little by little, I was becoming informed. I am not a complacent woman - in other words, while I knew my psychiatrist had 30+ yrs experience - I could not & would not JUST TAKE HIS WORD FOR IT. So, after I initiated therapy, I took some steps:

1) I went to church & turned this over to God. No, I'm not preaching RELIGION HERE. You see, you know how sometimes you can speak to your best friend on the phone & other times, you need to go to his/her house to talk in person? Well, I needed to go to my best friends house - he happens to be GOD. Instinctively, I didn't ask to make it all go away. Rather, I simply & desperately needed to know "this state wouldn't be my FOREVER". In addition, I wanted to know "there was a way" = a means for me to help myself to FEEL BETTER. I told God, "I am not asking you to do it for me, just guide me = show me". Every morning, after hubby went to work, I went to ST STEPHENS CHURCH for 7:30a.m. mass. Kind of like me & God having coffee together, lol

That was food for my soul. God did answer me. No, he didn't do it for me. He just gave me the answer I needed. There was a way, this wouldn't be my forever. You see, once I knew THERE WAS A WAY for me to FEEL BETTER, it was on. Why? Because I knew there was an answer out there, somewhere - I just needed to find it. God let me know definitively there was. I trusted that & set out to FIND THAT ANSWER. It didn't all of a sudden make it all go away. Rather, I was given HOPE = a very comforting reassurance that this wouldn't be my forever.

2) I journaled like a fool. I bought me MANY a 5 subject notebooks. Actually, I've filled 8 - 5 subject notebooks full, lol lol. Guess I had a lot to say, hahahahah. Who knows, maybe someday I'll use my journals to write a book, to inspire others. Journaling got me to a place where I was comfortable admitting what I was thinking & feeling - then to FEEL THEM. It was practice. I cld it SELF HOMEWORK. lol, I'd tell hubby, "oh, I'm doing homework" . He knew what I meant.

3) I empowered myself by becoming informed. I read books. Man, I got like a child w/ green veggies - up to here ^^^^, lol lol

I went to local bookstore + library + on line. It was like I was in RECOVERY COLLEGE. I'd read + make notes - then ask my therapist or my reg dr, kind of like them being my PROFESSORS if you will. My therapist did inform me along the way. However, me being who I am needed to find out for myself. I needed to intellectualize this "thing" so I could then know how to approach it.

4) I went to therpy sessions, every single week - I didn't miss 1 week @ all. He had the answers I was seeking. He was the teacher & I was the pupil. As hard as it was, I always went back. The more pain I got out, little by little, the better I felt. It was my MEANS TO AN END.

5) I reached a point in my journey where I was ready to face myself. 1 day, I honesly said to myself, "lenore, there are somethings about you that need to change". In addition, for the 1st time in my life, I realized how much I DIDN'T LUV MYSELF - I carried burens/guilt/shame/blame for things I shouldn't have & what a burden to give myself. Well, I saw it. When we know better, we do better. I bought Lucinda's program & started it the 1st time in Nov 2006.

- I am no superhero. My motivation was/is/always will be wanting to FEEL BETTERMy anxiety disorder was not the result of 1 singular thing. Rather, it was the culmination of many. Blame belongs to no one. The fact is she/he/they/them are not responsible for me & whatever pain I may/may not have inside. She/he/they/them are not responsible for my happiness. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR ME & HOW I FEEL & THE HAPPINESS I WANTED + THE "SELF LOVE" I'VE SOUGHT ALL MY LIFE + THE FREEDOM FR THE PAST I WANTED. That state of absolute desperation was my motivation. It was seared into my soul/spirit like an invisible TATOO in a way. I remembered, in its totality, what the WORST OF ANXIETY DISORDER was for me: mentally, emotionaly, physically, & spiritually. No more no less. I remembered wanted to feel better - feeling better just required many things of me.MRCLEVELAND, I realized, the more I changed the better I felt.

- I hit Lucinda's program like noone's business. I made me + wanting to feel better + my recovery my #1 priority. I followed it strictly, as instructed. Sure, along the way, stones were thrown in my path. I was home, for ex, & lonely. I desperately sought out interaction. I needed to remind myself this situation was temporary. I was being given a gift. That's right, a gift. I was being given a 2nd chance @ life. You see MR CLEVELAND, prior to anxiety disorder, I was living in a "state of being/an existence". Physical symptoms of anxiety disorder didn't rear their ugly head until APR 2005 - however, personality wise, I had it as far back as 5 yrs. old. That is a long long time to live in such an "existence/state of negative being" as I refer to it. It was what I knew - it was comfortable cause it was familiar to me. However, I said to myself, if living this way = acting/thinking/reacting/feeling-emotions this way is WHAT GOT ME HERE & being honest w/ myself, didn't feel good - then I need to change that. Anxiety disorder simply made me aware of it.

- Many times, while doing Lucinda's program, I'd want other things. Heck, I was up to the gills w/ recovery + anxiety disorder + changing + feeling - heck, as much as I can talk - I was darn tired of talking & talking about me. But, this was my 2nd chance. I was being given the freedom - the choice I hadn't had earlier in life. I did have a say in how I though + felt + reacted + whom I chose to have in my life. Those honor of those CHOICES required things of me in turn. Kind of like give & take. That is where Lucinda's program comes in. She tells ya everything you need to hear, but don't want to hear. She was so dead on, every little smidgen of everything - it was as though she knew me my entire life. That is THE LIGHTBULB that went off for me. Her accuracy in my personality type, never having met me, told me LISTEN TO HER - PAY ATTN - FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. Her program explains the WHYS & gives you very necessary skills to handle anxiety in the future. Her program gave me the final courage I needed to FACE/CHANGE myself - those parts of me that very obviously needed changing.

- I followed that program strictly, as instructed. I even wrote notes. If there was a theory or premis I had some difficulty w/, I read a book on it - made more notes, or even asked my psychiatrist. I was a determined pupil - in the COLLEGE OF RECOVERY.

6) I initiated exercising & healthier eating/choices into my life. Our bodies produce extra adrenaline. Sure, the program & journey teaches us to NOT BE AFRAID OF BODY SYMPTOMS. However, we not only need to learn what foods contribute to the creation of the anxiety - we need a healthy means of GETTING RID OF IT. I'm not talking about becoming JACK LALANE over nite. I'm referring to taking a sm time out of the SAME 24HR WE ALL HAVE to move: dwn the stair OR a walk dwn the block OR an exercise video.

Recovery is not easy. It is very hard fought. However, we anxiety sufferers have 2 choices: 1) we fester in it & stay miserable feeling those dreadful symptoms & the fear of them indefinitely OR 2) we face it head on, YES, STILL FEEL THE SYMPTOMS - yet, this time, GET RECOVERY AS OUR REWARD FOR THE HARD WORK. Both will produce anxiety - Only 1 will give you the RECOVERY OUTCOME.

I tread lightly when discussing "faith" + "religion" & "our God" only as to respect all faiths. It is MY OPINION, God didn't cause my anxiety disorder. I believe he foresaw it. He foresaw it & lined up what I would need to help me helpmyself. Kind of like PARENTS. Parents will work hard to shield & protect their children. However, there are points in all parents lives where they will see their kids making decisions, taking actions where THEIR EXPERIENCES tell them what the outcome will be. They can't say anything - for the child needs to learn it for themselves. That is life. There are also going to be things/places/people effecting that childs life, beyond the CONTROL of the parent. The parents can't control those things - they can simply be there for them when needed, if needed. That is how I feel about God. God is our parent - our dad - the family patriarc if you will. He ans us,yes. He will never forsake us - never ever. However, we in turn need to be listening & keep our eyes open. Mr Cleveland, when we talk w/ God, when we pray to him - we must bare this in mind: when we ask for his help - when we ask for ans's, we need to be prepared for HIS ANS. God will NOT give us WHAT WE WANT, when WE WANT IT. No. Rather, God will give us WHAT WE NEED, when HE KNOWS ITS BEST = WHEN WE NEED IT. Often, the 2(our ideals & his) his conflict, lol lol. God is always right, that is my experience. My being Human & trusting that is the tricky part. You know, I've always loved God & our relationship. Now, I've a mature & wonderful 1 w/ him. I totally & completely trust him. I know, no matter what happens in my life - I HAVE HIM - I know it, no doubt at all. I just need to remind myself - my way isn't always the only & best way. I simply learnd to let go & let God - then, TO MEAN IT WHEN I SAY IT. We lack patience sometimes as humans. We're an era raised on THE SITCOM = meaning, terrible problems/ailments, etc resolved in 1/2 hrs per episode. Life isn't like that - nor is recovery fr anxiety disorder.

You have to want recovery fr anxiety disorder more than anything else in the world. You have to want it so bad, you can taste it. That absolute desire creates a level of determination in the pit of your belly/soul/spirit - that you will not stop @ anything - till you claim it. But, it is YOU MR CLEVELAND that needs to create it. When you REALLY WANT IT - when you have that level OF 100% DETERMINATION - that means you are EMOTIONALLY READY for recovery & change itself.

I know how hard it is. I know the hell of existence anxiety disorder & depression creates. I've experienced both for the 1st time in my life. I also know that RECOVERY FR BOTH are quite possible. It requires hard work & determination fr you. I have recovered fr anxiety disorder: no anx med or sleep aids in almost 2 yrs. I was diagnosed w/ depress in MARCH 2007. I didn't let that deter me. I worked hard. I've had my depress med lowered several times. I am now on the lowest dosage possible. I will be off depress meds, that is my goal/desire - I don't doubt that at all. In addition, after having been home for 3 1/2 yrs - I've returned to working USA 4 MTHS AGO. Things are evolving quite nicely.

I don't celebrate the hell anxiety disorder & depression created for me. I do celebrate the changes I obviously desperately needed to make - the same changes these 2 ailments forced my hand to make. I was so caught up in the "state of being" I was living, I didn't even know I had a problem. Yes, it was hard work - life changing. I am FREE - honest, cross my heart honest. I'm no longer filled w/ all those surpressed & negative emotions. I've learned to forgive & let go. Best yet, I love me - I do.I worked darn hard to give myself inner peace - the quality of life, free fr the past, I was entitled to. Heck, I've learned to JUST CHILL OUT. I've learned to laugh fr my belly, real hard - like run to the ladies room hard. I've learned that MY FEELING GOOD/AT PEACE is my greatest asset. I've learned is not WHAT YOU HAVE but whom - I'm blessed w/ a family I've managed to create for myself. I've got my EARTH'S ANGELS = my friends here, on earth, just w/o the wings. I've got hope about my life & my future. That is what recovery gave me. I had to earn it thru hard work + sweat + tears + unburden of surpressed emotional pain + changing myself.

yOUR Friend,

LENORE