Becoming aware

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:21 am

I have been seeing a therapist for almost 2 months now. I came in very anxious and with all these fears and phobias. He made me aware of what it is that i am stressed about and that with me my stress that causes anxiety comes out physically like for example: I feel like i will stop breathing and swallowing". Now That he made me aware of why i have anxiety I feel depressed. He thinks that i am not in a good relationship and that i am not getting what i need from it (which is true) but my bf is SO nice and patient and comes with me to dr apps but he says its not either of our faults its just the way it is. My bf lacks emotion sometimes and isn't very affectionate. And for some people, they don't need that attention but i feel like i do. I want someone that i can talk to too.. sometimes we'll be driving to the beach and he wont say a word. Like were just not very connected or something. and i know its just the way he is . he is a great man that does things for me but is just disconnected and my therapist made it more aware to me that "no wonder you feel like you cant breath, you are miserable in your relationship" and i keep saying but hes a good guy. . But NOW that this was brought up, yes i am less anxious but now i am depressed. which i hate more. . he thinks i am progressing and its good to know what causes my anxiety. well since this, I have been missing my ex of 4 yrs. Like really missing him and want to be with him. . i realized how much more i have in common with my ex . . i don't know. I guess my question is, Has anybody not been aware of why they're anxious and when became aware of it it made you depressed instead of anxious??? Thank you for reading this everyone. I appreciate it

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:38 am

That's a nice picture of you. Anyway, one of the reasons I've become so anxious is because of the sh*tty spiral my marriage was taking. No connection, lots of fighting and just nasty meaness between us. My therapist said my husband just wasn't and hasn't been meeting my emotional needs and we've been married for 10 yrs and together for 12 and we came up with at least 7 years of the relationship being like this. I hated opening up to him after all the hurt, because it made myself vunerable at getting shot down again, but I did and we talked a lot and we've decided that we want to be together and that we're going to work on it. I've actaully just ordered a Marital fitness program and after only listening to 1 of the c.d.'s, I know that it was a good decision. I guess you will have to decide about your now relationship, does he want to be with you and give you what you need and if he does then to start looking at relationship workshops or something. If he doesn't, you're worth way more than stayong in a relationship that is causing you a lot of mental stain which leads to all these lovely symptoms that we get with anxiety. I'm not only focusing on just anxiety but stress managment and life managment. As far as your ex of 4 yrs, don't dwell on him until you've decided that this relationship is done, I know about this. It can bring you a lot of anxiety and GUILT. I used to think a lot of my 1st love, epecially after bumping into him and that caused a lot of the above. Anyway, if you and the now bf don't work, you can look the ex up but make sure you really talk with him before getting into something that had ended once before. But if you both decide that you would like to give it a shot again, I suggest you both should really read or order the c.d.'s from Mort Fertel and his marriage fitness. The c.d. pack is $70.00 and I don't know how much the book is, but the idea and concept of love and relationship is so misunderstood until you listen to this guy. He's been endorsed but a lot of people but also by John Gray (men are from mars, women are from venus)- It's worth checking into and you could also use it for your now relationship if he's commited to you- Good Luck!!!!!

barbhoward · Post by **barbhoward** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:17 am

I know how you feel! My bf is the same way. He is awesome and is so patient with my anxiety, but he is very unemotional. We have been together 5 yrs and I have never seen him cry. He had a bad childhood of his mom beating the crap out of him daily.He does say I love you but I feel like I am a very emotional person and I like to tell people how I am feeling.

We are alike in that we are both miserable in our relationships, but I am dependent on him, and his family always tells me how much I have made him happy and stuff which makes me feel bad that I want out. I want the passion and emotional connection. Not a night out at dinner where we dont say a word throughout the whole meal. I am so stuck and I don't want to hurt him. I am such a wuss haha

maddog007 · Post by **maddog007** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:46 am

I have a B/F of 4 years, and he is almost the same way... He is not that affectionate....well, when I have a bad day he gives me a massage, he does reassure me of things in a positve way...He supports me in the things that I want...He gives me advice like if he was my best friend ( so sometimes he can be brutally honest....and 9 out of 10 he's right!)He tells me he loves...sometimes he will call just say that he does....he's just not the smothering type.... Do you think I should worry about that? or do you think that I'm letting this anxiety take over my feelings and making me see things in an irrational way?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:19 am

I've never chatted before and I'm desperate for help! I'm having terrible anxiety and don't know where to begin?? Can you advise? Judy

chellebelle · Post by **chellebelle** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:41 am

Hi JudyA,

When my anxiety showed up, the first thing I started to do was to identify what was causing it. It has taken some time for me to identify these things, but for me, I have found it to be a two sided issue.

I have a very physical side, which is an imbalance in menstrual and adrenaline hormones and how the thyroid gland plays its role in these hormones. I also have other health issues (pain, inflammation, etc.) I am taking herbal supplements under the care of a nutritionist who is also a Ph.D. This has been extremely successful for me with no side effects.

The other side of my anxiety is the emotional/thinking side. Lucinda's program has been extremely helpful to me for these issue and I have needed this for many years. I am only on session 4 and the program may cover some of the health and physical issues as well when I get further into it.

Try to listen to your body and notice what things are happening that are not anxiety, but that occur prior to your anxiety symptoms acting up. Keeping a journal may be helpful. And even though this is a good thing to do, I had a very difficult time identifying these things without the help of my herbalist and other resources helping me understand my symptoms/causes.

Check out this web site: <A HREF="http://www.womentowomen.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.womentowomen.com/</A>. There is a lot of good information there that may help you find some answers. And you might try looking up a professional herbalist in your area for help as well. And here is one more very helpful resource that you might consider: <A HREF="http://healthjourneys.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://healthjourneys.com/</A>.

I hope this is helpful for you. Good luck and God bless.

Eileen

gtbme3 · Post by **gtbme3** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 6:12 am

Anna,
sounds just like me. lol.