Post
by Guest » Wed May 21, 2008 1:17 am
I don't think this is a weird thought at all. It has been my biggest fear since childhood. As a very young child, I would need one of my parents to sit by my bed each night until I fell asleep because I was terrified my heart would stop and I wouldn't wake up. That particular problem doesn't exist anymore, but my overall fear of death does. Where probably most people, especially when in panic mode, feel they are doing to die very soon, and I've had this, my fear is the simple fact that I will die one day. I might live another 40 or 50 years, but I will still eventually die. This scares the crap out of me. I'm not religious, but even if I was it wouldn't help. I just don't want the leave this life on earth. I want to be able to keep going to movies, eating the foods I love, working in the yard, being able to touch things, and smell things etc. I just don't think its fair that humans have such a short life span in relation to the world. If a tortoise or a tree can live for 200 years or more, why not a human? In the scheme of things, considering the millions of years its taken nature to create things, I think we should live for much longer. Its no wonder my favorite fictional characters, LoTR elves, vampires, wraith (Stargate Atlantis ones) etc. are all either immortal or at least live for thousands of years. Some of my favorite songs are ones that also depress me because of their lyrics. Pink Floyd's "Time" is one. ..."We run and we run to catch up with the sun but its sinking. Racing around to come up behind us again. The sun is the same in a relative way but we're older. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death." Or Elton John's "Circle of Life". "There's more to be seen, than can ever be seen, more to do, than can ever be done." There is so much I want to do and see and I know I'll never get to most of it for one reason or another. That is a major part of my depression. I've been trying to think the way someone I knew did. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. He always had the feeling he would die young, but instead of giving up it made him work even harder. He wanted to pack as much living and helping into his life as he possibly could before he went. Believing he didn't have a lot of time made him more driven to accomplish things. I'm trying to get that perspective. But its hard. I hope when I get further into this program, I'll be able to live more the way Steve did. Cherishing every single moment to its fullest. I hope all of us can.
I can't beleive I am even thinking about this stuff. I hate feeling this way. I have not had the time to do the whole program. I will have to start soon. I really appreciate your comments.