Can you tell me if my thoughts are true?

SouthBend · Post by **SouthBend** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:09 pm

I'm going to make this as short and detailed as possible.

I live in an area where you see a lot of the same people often, and a lot of people know each other.

Anyway, I went out with a girl that I see often, at least 3 times a week, and drank too much and said some personal things that I regret now. Nothing bad, but possibly embarrasing. I also was talking about other people that I'm acquainted with.

I don't really know her very well, but we were there for awhile, and by the time we left, I had been talking for hours.

Now I feel like she told a bunch of people everything I said that night. It's depressing me because I think everyone knows everything about me now, and I know nothing about them.

I see all these people around, and I feel like they're staring at me and laughing at me. I don't know, but it seems like people have changed towards me.

I'm having a very hard time living my usual life now.
I'm so confused, and I don't know if I should just ask her if she's saying things or not.

Are my negative thoughts true???
Is she really making fun of me behind my back???
Should I just ask her or will that invite her to make fun of me even more???

Please help!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:13 pm

Southbend,

The only way to know if she told anyone anything is to ask her. You could just have guilt that is making you feel that way so you should ask her if she has told anyone anything about you. The best way to deal with problems is if you face them dead on.

JEnnifier

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:20 pm

Whether or not she did it isn't anything for you to dwell on. People talk. My biggest problem for a long time was worrying more about what people thought of me and making myself feel bad in the process - you just can't control what people think, do or say so why worry about it? If someone came back and repeated something you said to her in confidence then I would maybe explain to her that you are hurt she betrayed your confidence -but if you have no evidence other than a "look" you got then I would just give her the benefit of the doubt and move on.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:34 pm

I think you are too concerned about what other people think. Do you have the program and are you working it?

I haven't worked for 18 months now. I will be shortly, but just haven't been functional enough to and not sure exactly why. I could worry about what the neighbors think, what my mother-in-law thinks, what my aunt thinks, what Old McDonald's cows think. lol. And it wssn't that long ago all of this bothered me like what is bothering you.

We can't control what others think, do, or say. (Remember the program?) Working with the program we can be less affected by this superfluous minutia. It doesn't change who we are nor determine who we are. What difference does it make really? It's minutia, inconsequential and doesn't impact what we are doing are where we are headed one iota. My suggestion is to seek to be less affected or dependent upon the opinions of others. Seeking to have self esteem from being accepted by others keeps us on a yo-yo. One day we think we are "okay" because Joe Blow thinks we are "okay". The next day we are not "okay" because Joe Blow doesn't think we are "okay" or we think Joe Blow doesn't think we are "okay". Self esteem has to come from within, independent of the opinions of others. When it does, the opinions of others is much less important.

Forgive yourself for "not being perfect", accept all of you for who you are, good and bad traits, and keep truckin'. WE all makes mistakes sometimes. But those who are emotionally healthy forgive themselves, let it go, and don't make a big deal out of it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:22 pm

I've done similar things in the past and have had the same thoughts as you, but what I've found out over the years is that most of the time when we think people are thinking or laughing at us they really aren't. In fact, most people are too busy with their own concerns and problems to give two seconds thought to what we or anyone else might have done or said. So try not to get into this cycle of negative thinking because 95% of the time it is just not true and the other 5% is not worth worrying about.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:09 am

Thank you for the replies. I did some journaling last night and decided to just call and ask.

Thanks everyone!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:38 pm

Southbend, journaling helps me a lot too. It's so important, and something that probably isn't really accepted for a straight man to do.
I'd just like to repeat that 95% of the time the thoughts REALLY AREN'T TRUE, and that's a REAL PERCENTAGE!!! Don't disbelieve it, it's TRUE!

I hear you brother, keep up the good work!

MichiganMom · Post by **MichiganMom** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:13 pm

NO worries Southbend...this is a mistake that almost ALL have made (me personally...WAY too many times)! People will ALWAYS talk and people will always judge...even you, even whe you don't realize it or don't even mean to...it's our human nature...Maybe she said stuff...maybe she didn't...either way, life goes on...I would call her if I were you and say "hey, I'm sorry if I was babbling the other night, I had a little too much to drink and I hope you don't think any differently of me.." or something to that effect. I'm sure she's done it before too and will tell you it was no big deal..hell..she may have had too much to drink as well and might not even remember half the stuff you even said...Don't be too hard on yourself!....If we could only see the skeletons in everyone's closet....we'd likely stay hidden inout own...LOL. Let me know what she said when you called her. Take care hon!