I don't WANT to WORRY anymore!

lilsismj · Post by **lilsismj** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:49 am

I have been doing this program for two years! I have learned SO much. I have gotten through SO much. I have changed SO much. So why do I find myself still stuck on some basics?

I am still afraid of the feelings that anxiety brings. I get hot flashes that I absolutely can't stand. I am nauseas and I am nervous and I am so sick of it. I just can't seem to get it through my head that there is no point! There is no point in worrying. I can get through anything! I've proven it to myself since I started this program. I've proven it over and over again.

And honestly at the heart of the matter, I am sitting here at work, dreading the possibility that I might be uncomfortable around a co-worker for the next few days!

Uncomfortable...what am I freaking out about? What is so wrong about uncomfortable?
Really, uncomfortable is getting me down?

What am I doing to myself. Somewhere inside me, I want to act normal, be myself, but I feel like it's not an option. I am like a deer in headlights, it's like I can't move, be myself or not worry until I'm absolutely SURE that I am going to get through it -- pretty much when the thing that scares me is over, I can stop worrying.

I'm pretty sure that is the whole point that Lucinda is trying to make about worrying.

I think I need a pep talk.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:00 am

Believe me, I still struggle and am a work in progress too. When you went through the program, did you figure out what your pay-off was? You know, like what you get or not get from your anxiety? This could be key, b/c figuring that out and getting past that could take a long time. Also, examine every aspect of your life right now. We know no one or their life is perfect, but is something going on that could be bothering you without you even realizing it? Don't forget, it's those little things, not always the big things in life, that add up and get us anxious. Finally, I am reading a book right now that someone here recommended in another post, "How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie. If you haven't already read it, it's pretty good and deals with worry alot. Good Luck and hang in there.

Jess303 · Post by **Jess303** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:06 am

lilsismj,

I can understand what you're saying. I so want to feel normal, but I feel I won't completely until I know that whatever it is I am anxious over, I can do it. Well, sometimes, we can't know that. I know, it's hard, but that's what worry and anxiety is for everyone....but for us, it's exaggerated.

My mom told me something the other night when I told her I was anxious about driving to work after a bad weekend (I tend to panic when driving). She said, "You know, sometimes, you just have to do it afraid. If it scares you, recognize that, but do it anyway." That got to me. I am learning more and more that my physical and emotional symptoms are more in my mind than they are tumors, or heart attacks, etc. If I have to do it and I'm afraid, I'll do it afraid. Once I have done it afraid and seen that I'm OK, I can come through.

Not sure if this helps or not. Please believe in yourself, tell yourself positive things. God bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:08 am

I couldn't agree more. I decided to make a doctor's appt. with an ENT tomorrow for my nervous heaving & gagging and I am sitting at my desk miserable.

I hate this feeling of worrying about worrying. I feel just sick and yucky and I just want the doctor's appt. to be over. And...because of all of my anxious worrying lately I have given myself high blood pressure. I don't know if it is permanent or not - I'm having to monitor it but all of this worrying about the doctor appt. is raising it and that is scaring me to death. I just want to shut off the worry but I can't seem to. I'm afraid of being afraid.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:46 am

I know there are some veterans on here that might have some good stuff to say? Maybe they can help us!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:02 am

You'll want to talk to Boon. He is wonderful and has the best advice. He helped me with my overactive gag reflex and I haven't gagged for over a month now. He also pointed something out to me yesterday about worry and my obsessing. Stay in the present guys worry puts you into the future obsessing puts you in the past. Stay in the present. Live now!!!

Vickijean · Post by **Vickijean** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:07 am

Boon is good as so much stuff! He has helped me on quite a few occasions. I might see if he can come join in the conversation.

I just wanna know that if you just make up your mind that you're not going to worry about it, if you can actually do it?

Scarycmom · Post by **Scarycmom** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:45 am

The only problem with the worried thinker is that you can tell yourself until you are blue in the face that there is no need to worry, but you'll still worry. The only thing that really works is experiential practice. You must go through the discomfort in order to heal. You do it using your tools.

You are worried. Write out your worry daily for 45 minutes. Over and over and over again. Read it for 45 minutes until you no longer feel any emotional attachment (even minimal attachment is OK.) Do not sugarcoat anything. Make it horrible.

You must take charge by using your thought stoppage. You can't stop the initial thought but you can stop all other thoughts that try to come in. SHOUT "STOP" as often as you need to until your brain finally "gets it". Calm breath is next. Whatever works for you. I tend to use the breathing in slow. Hold for 4 and breathe out slowly. Then attention shifting. Get your mind on something else.

Stop fighting your thoughts is another tool. Don't argue with your thoughts anymore. This keeps them alive and coming back. You can say
"thank you for sharing" and nothing more. Or find a phrase that you like but stop fighting with your thoughts. You are fighting with something that is thin air! I often use the phrase "Whatever you say." And nothing more. If it's persistent I tell it to shut up. But do not argue anymore with your thoughts. If you are uncomfortable with a fellow employee, make that OK. After all, it really is OK. "Yes, I'm uncomfortable with this person. Big deal. I CAN HANDLE IT."

The message you are giving yourself is - I can't handle it. BUT, that's not true, is it. You can handle it. It doesn't have to be handled well. It just has to be handled. (It gets handled better and better with practice.) And, you can handle it. PERIOD.

Agree with your scare voice and you will hear from it less and less.

Your thoughts are not a call to action. They are just thoughts.

There are many more things you can do but work on this for now. It's enough, truly.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:33 am

Thank you Boon! That's exactly what I needed. You have some of the best advice!

It just seems TOO easy to say, I'm not going to worry about it. But...worrying about it doesn't make a difference in the outcome, except for making myself sick! So...maybe I'll try just not worrying about it.