I have really realized that I am dealing with a lot of jealousy issues. It mostly is around my finace' using the computer. He recently joined Facebook and for the lonest time I was so paranoid that he was searching for women in his past. I spoke with him about it and he showed me all of his emails from women. Nothing deceitful was on there, and I felt so much better.
But I want to be able to be at peace without asking for his privacy to be violated!
This is MY issue and I even ordered a book called "No More Jealousy". It's helping somewhat. But it's still there. This voice in my head tells me the WORST things and I really want to hear experience in this area.
Please help!
Jealousy (the green eyed monster)
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SummerLove
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:26 pm
Wow, can I relate with you! Have you ordered the program? I am on week 1 and it is helping me to deal with ME and to let go of my husband's "possiblities". I have been married for 16 yrs and he is now telling me that i am too controlling (which I am). I am trying to make peace with my self and build up my own self esteem, because I am just as good as anyone else!
It is hard, but I am determined to get myself straightened out this time! Good luck!
It is hard, but I am determined to get myself straightened out this time! Good luck!
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
Hi Beebers,
Jealousy is something that hits almost everyone at some point in their life and it's a human feeling that once out of control can bring a lot of stress, anxiety, worry, depression to the person who is jealous and can be one of the major problems in a relationship. To a lot of people ( been told this over my life ) they feel if they are not trusted than they may as well do what the other person/ people think they are doing. I had this jealousy within my first marriage and it drove me crazy and was so not great for the marriage in any way. I have also been on the other end of the old green eyed monster and it just really became old so fast and turned me away from the one/ones who suffered from jealousy.
We have to trust within any healthy relationship or it will likely not last. I know it's a tough problem to rid your mind of but for your sake and the sake of your relationship somehow it has to go away and unless he gives you reason to believe he is doing anything behind your back you will need to just trust him or risk losing him.
I hope this was even a little bit of help and good luck and best wishes only!!
Jealousy is something that hits almost everyone at some point in their life and it's a human feeling that once out of control can bring a lot of stress, anxiety, worry, depression to the person who is jealous and can be one of the major problems in a relationship. To a lot of people ( been told this over my life ) they feel if they are not trusted than they may as well do what the other person/ people think they are doing. I had this jealousy within my first marriage and it drove me crazy and was so not great for the marriage in any way. I have also been on the other end of the old green eyed monster and it just really became old so fast and turned me away from the one/ones who suffered from jealousy.
We have to trust within any healthy relationship or it will likely not last. I know it's a tough problem to rid your mind of but for your sake and the sake of your relationship somehow it has to go away and unless he gives you reason to believe he is doing anything behind your back you will need to just trust him or risk losing him.
I hope this was even a little bit of help and good luck and best wishes only!!
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!
Hi All-
I too am super jealous. I'm jealous of my husband's past and our possible future of not being married but staying friends (something we've been talking about pretty seriously lately). I can't help it, but didn't realize it was part of my anxiety - wow!
One of the things that actually opened my eyes was that I tend to be jealous of people who have something I want. If I can't get it, because of my anxiety in some way, I will be cool to them and treat them as if they did something wrong.
My sister is a perfect example. She is a traveller and a go-getter. She has done so many things with her life and is now in Italy (my dream is to go there as well). I realized I was trying to talk her out of doing any travelling (she just graduated from college) and make her feel like she was being irresponsible for taking off and not starting her career.
Then, I spent some time with her. She and I were supposed to go on vacation to San Luis Obispo - my favorite place close enough to drive. We didn't go because a major anxiety attack and panic caused me to call her at 2am the day we were to leave and tell her I couldn't do it. This is why I ordered the program.
She was so supportive and caring that she didn't even blink and came to my home for the "vaction" to just work on my "issues". We talked about her choices and how I was jealous that she "got" to do things and I didn't. She said to me, "Jess, you aren't jealous because I can and you can't, you are envious that I don't have to go through the panic you do. This will pass and you will be able to do these things when you are better and I look forward to going on that trip with you when you are."
This brought tears to my eyes and made me realize - I am not jealous of her adventures and confidence, I am envious. And, I am not going to hang onto something that really is my insecurities trying to controll me and keep me down, any longer. It made me realize and I think this change of attitude is good for us all.
I hope you can let go of that controlling thought process, because it doesn't just matter to your husband, it does for your own peace of mind and your life too. Good luck to you and your successful journey. We are all there with you. -J
I too am super jealous. I'm jealous of my husband's past and our possible future of not being married but staying friends (something we've been talking about pretty seriously lately). I can't help it, but didn't realize it was part of my anxiety - wow!
One of the things that actually opened my eyes was that I tend to be jealous of people who have something I want. If I can't get it, because of my anxiety in some way, I will be cool to them and treat them as if they did something wrong.
My sister is a perfect example. She is a traveller and a go-getter. She has done so many things with her life and is now in Italy (my dream is to go there as well). I realized I was trying to talk her out of doing any travelling (she just graduated from college) and make her feel like she was being irresponsible for taking off and not starting her career.
Then, I spent some time with her. She and I were supposed to go on vacation to San Luis Obispo - my favorite place close enough to drive. We didn't go because a major anxiety attack and panic caused me to call her at 2am the day we were to leave and tell her I couldn't do it. This is why I ordered the program.
She was so supportive and caring that she didn't even blink and came to my home for the "vaction" to just work on my "issues". We talked about her choices and how I was jealous that she "got" to do things and I didn't. She said to me, "Jess, you aren't jealous because I can and you can't, you are envious that I don't have to go through the panic you do. This will pass and you will be able to do these things when you are better and I look forward to going on that trip with you when you are."
This brought tears to my eyes and made me realize - I am not jealous of her adventures and confidence, I am envious. And, I am not going to hang onto something that really is my insecurities trying to controll me and keep me down, any longer. It made me realize and I think this change of attitude is good for us all.
I hope you can let go of that controlling thought process, because it doesn't just matter to your husband, it does for your own peace of mind and your life too. Good luck to you and your successful journey. We are all there with you. -J
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a beautiful butterfly."
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
WOW.........nspyredj !!!!!!!!!!
What an awesome post and I hope you feel so proud of how much you thought about your feelings and the fact you were able to see into the depth of a problem you had and truly come to terms with it in such an inspiring way!!!
Your post made me look at a few things in a whole different light!
YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO AND ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!!!
NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF AND YOUR POTENTIAL TO BEAT THIS ANXIETY....BELIEVE IN YOU...BELIEVE IN THIS PROGRAM.
Thankyou so much and God Bless.
What an awesome post and I hope you feel so proud of how much you thought about your feelings and the fact you were able to see into the depth of a problem you had and truly come to terms with it in such an inspiring way!!!
Your post made me look at a few things in a whole different light!
YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO AND ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!!!
NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF AND YOUR POTENTIAL TO BEAT THIS ANXIETY....BELIEVE IN YOU...BELIEVE IN THIS PROGRAM.
Thankyou so much and God Bless.
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!