True triumph!
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Hi I'm new, just put in my order for the cd's and just signed up. I am ready to conquer this fear and anxiety and then some! And all this through the grace of God! I have recently discovered where my fear originated from......my childhood. I used to hide in the closet while my family, parents and siblings fought. So much abuse, physically and verbally. I was verbally abused, my siblings were abused physically and verbally. My dad was an alcholic, drugs took over my whole family eventually, except for me and mom. I lost 2 siblings, 1 nephew (16) and my dad as a result of alcohol and drug abuse. All this in a 5 year period. And because I was the only child in my family who was drug free and responsible, my mom through all responsibilities on me. I handled all family business, all the funerals and anything else my mom could throw in there. I finally hit rock bottom this year 2009. I have always suffered from panic and anxiety attacks, I just never knew what they were until just recently. Like Lucinda, mine started when I was about 7 years old. So after all this, I started to see my therapist, Heaven sent! I have 3 triumphs I would love to share with you....my therapist has helped me discover that on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the worst, my childhood is rated 10+. A very scary childhood. And where I live now, with my lovely partner, my step-children and, of course, my dogs, I rate my living condition now, my 0 safe place. This is my first triumph....I have learned to separate the 2 places and this helps conquer fear in that department. Now my 2nd triumph is learning that it is really OK to disappoint my family. It is OK to change my mind. I come from a family of 7 and I am the youngest so the pressures of needing to keep the family happy were on me. I could handle everything, no time for my grief, my life, etc. Just service my family, mainly my mom and if I didn't do it, the guilt trip would play a huge part. So saying no and disappointing family is my 2nd triumoh. My 3rd triumph is probably the hardest one to overcome and that is discovering that my mother is the CORE of all my fears. This was hard for me to see because my mom is everything to me. I would roll out the red carpet for her, no questions asked and no matter how miserable it made me feel, hence, the anxiety and fear. Wow! It's a bitter sweet triumph because I would love to have a healthy relationship with mom, maybe some day. And for now, I have to stand up for me, learn to say no and even though she throws the "guilt trip" out there, I don't allow myself to embrace that guilt anymore. I will not listen to her morbid stories anymore. I insist on having happy converstaions with her, with no pressure. I know it may seem a little extreme, but she is an extreme woman. This is my 3rd triumph! Discovering the core of my fear was facing my mother and her demands, head on! I breathe now with peace. I am living my life now! Praise God! </span>
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anna-maria
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:02 am