Of the things I have avoided due to anxiety, the most depressing thing was romance... I seldom went on dates, and certainly never initiated (proposed) those dates that I did go on. If I accepted a invitation, I anticipated and experienced pre- and post-date panic attacks (primarily nausia).
What if I have a panic attack in front of my date? (He'll think I'm crazy or pathetic!)
What if I throw up?! (And sometimes I did prior to or following a date) But what if I threw up during the date and embarrassed myself?
So long as I was willing to face my fears due to this program, I knew that eventually I would come face-to-face with a prospective boyfriend while dating. Then would come the moment of truth: telling him about my anxiety.
Well, it happened. I went on a double-date, where I played a game of truth or dare. My date drew the dare card to "Kiss" someone. Of course, that person would be me and my heart would fly off the deep end. After kissing, the next dare sent me racing to the bathroom where I threw up. My date and my friend's date asked me if I was okay (how embarrassing: "they must know I threw up!"). I told my date that I would tell him later about what happened and I did. I spilled my guts while he drove me home (telling him about anxiety - panic - medication, et al). He held my hand and stroked my leg. Then, when I thought all was said and done, and I was sure that when I said "goodbye" it would be forever, he remarked, apart from saying that my condition was interesting and empathizing, that: "It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
Things could not have turned out better. Occationally, I still have anxiety while spending time with my boyfriend (yes, boyfriend!), but I don't have to run from it, hide it, or fear it. The anxiety has been disapating and my confidence soaring. Almost everyday I am conquering a fear, without experiencing much fear, and in constant awareness of the rewards I am reaping with my experiences in this relationship. It is worth it. The anxiety is worth facing just to have the experiences with my boyfriend that I am having... that I never thought possible.
Love trumps Anxiety (relationship-phobia)
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Lena Hourglass
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 12:32 pm
Lena sort of is my middle name, minus an "E" at the begin, which is my mother and her mother's name. Hence, I didn't want to change the spelling to "Lina" or something else more commonly seen. I'm not sure what the name means in any cultural or mythological origin, but I did like the fact that a favorite and inspiring cartoon character was named "Lina Inverse" in an anime series called "Slayers." It helps that the character is very confident and optimistic, but I think the name is also a joke because the "inverse" of her name is "anil." 
Relationships are something I have avoided like the plague due to my anxiety. Lots of gals have shown interest (not to sound egotistical or anything) but I always did something to sabotage the potential relationship or come up with excuses why it wouldn't or shouldn't happen. I would love to have a girlfriend and someday a wife and family but I'm scared that no gals would understand or accept my condition.
So good for you for finding someone! It gives me hope!
So good for you for finding someone! It gives me hope!
I feel better already--just knowing I'm not the only one. As a child, my mother told me I couldn't date until I was 30 and guess what? I'm not quite 30, but I've never been on a date. Not because I haven't had the opportunity but because I have felt too guilty and scared to accept (and therefore I make up lame excuses why I can't). Relationships, especially potentially serious ones, are probably my biggest fear right now so I'm hoping this program will help me get over that and learn to live a "normal" life. Thanks again for letting me know that I'm not alone in my fears and that there is hope!
I have gone through the same thing and made so many excuses and fabricated so many lies to avoid any sort of closeness in the past, it is terrifieing with or without anxiety. I have started to see things in a very different perstectice since I have been in this program, I now have a real girlfriend that I share everything with and we both accept each other issues and all!Originally posted by JT_Money:
Relationships are something I have avoided like the plague due to my anxiety. Lots of gals have shown interest (not to sound egotistical or anything) but I always did something to sabotage the potential relationship or come up with excuses why it wouldn't or shouldn't happen. I would love to have a girlfriend and someday a wife and family but I'm scared that no gals would understand or accept my condition.
So good for you for finding someone! It gives me hope!
Most people are pretty understanding if you give them a chance to get to know you, it is scary, but it is worth the risk. I still get very nervous in certain situations with being in a relationship, but the differance now is that I don't run from it or try to sabotage it. Relationships are very hard sometimes especially for people like us that are so used to doing things on our own, but I feel so much happier having someone to spend and enjoy time with!
You guys are not alone in this, it is still one of my biggest fears and I'm facing it everyday, which makes it easier and easier.
Anybody can do it if I can
Last edited by Brent K. on Tue Dec 07, 2010 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
Thanks for the reply. I'm still working on coming out of my shell and letting somebody in. I can be a great friend and lots of fun to be around, but when it even looks like the relationship may turn to a date or something more serious, I freeze up and automatically think of every reason in the book why it shouldn't happen. It's sad, but tough to deal with. I have lots of friends but am actually a very lonely guy. It doesn't make it easier that I'm in nursing school and surrounded by attractive gals!