has anyone been like this since early childhood?

[WW]

I had a lot of anxiety in grade school and I was a worrier too. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where
your feelings weren't shown and no one talked to each other about anything. Instead of confrontations,
there was silence.

Sad Mine was similar but there were confrontations in my home growing up and I could never win

Also, Great post Mosaic!

[LyndaLu]

The more I look back at my childhood the more I understand
why I am the way I am now. But the difference is this, BEFORE
I started the program I think I always blamed someone else for the
way I ended up, for the way my life is now. I believe that I have
put that way of thinking behind me and that is very healing.
My dad is dead, my mom is sick, my sister survived cancer, I need
to start appreciating what I have right now in the present moment
and learn to let the past go. Can't change the past. Can change the present.
Lynda

[mosaic1989]

Very encouraging thought thanks for sharing. Sometimes those difficult days it helps to have reminders.

[LyndaLu]

I thought about my childhood today. I remember being very anxious in grade school
about some project or assignment. I cannot remember the details, just the
nervousness, the anxiety.

[LyndaLu]

My mother was very quiet and depressed and verbally abusive towards my dad.
My dad was verbally abusive towards my mother and he was very insecure.
They stayed married for over 55 years.
My sister and I both had sleepwalking episodes in our childhood. My sister
and I are both nail-biters. My sister had an ulcer. A lot of guilt seemed to be
mixed in there too. Guilt and shame I guess.

It is good to look back to try to help us understand who we are, but
we must not linger there too long or we will get too depressed. I remember
a lot of good things from my childhood and I will continue to
remember them fondly.

"Toes" ( my dad's nickname for me when I was growing up ).

[WW]

The more I look back at my childhood the more I understand
why I am the way I am now. But the difference is this, BEFORE
I started the program I think I always blamed someone else for the
way I ended up, for the way my life is now. I believe that I have
put that way of thinking behind me and that is very healing.
My dad is dead, my mom is sick, my sister survived cancer, I need
to start appreciating what I have right now in the present moment
and learn to let the past go. Can't change the past. Can change the present.
Lynda

Well said! As soon as I stopped blaming and started taking ownership and controlling things within my grasp and stopped worrying about all the stuff I had no control over it made a huge difference.

[LyndaLu]

I know that I have been like this since childhood but I don't like to look back and
analyze everything. In one of the chapters Lucinda suggests writing a
biography or something. I just can't do stuff like that. I can write letters or
write on the computer and stuff like that, but I can't go back to write a biography. . .
instead of making me feel "free", that would make me feel more depressed.

Maybe that is why I have been to three psychologists and they have not worked
out for me. I have a psychiatrist, but not a psychologist. I went to one psychologist
and I mentioned that I don't drink anymore and she seemed interested in this
statement. She probably thought I meant that I used to be an alcoholic or something.
I quit drinking alcohol because of my acid reflux problems, and that is that.
Has anyone ever had a good psychologist that they have talked to and has it
really helped them out ?

Lynda

[egriff]

I know that I have been like this since childhood but I don't like to look back and
analyze everything. In one of the chapters Lucinda suggests writing a
biography or something. I just can't do stuff like that. I can write letters or
write on the computer and stuff like that, but I can't go back to write a biography. . .
instead of making me feel "free", that would make me feel more depressed.

Maybe that is why I have been to three psychologists and they have not worked
out for me. I have a psychiatrist, but not a psychologist. I went to one psychologist
and I mentioned that I don't drink anymore and she seemed interested in this
statement. She probably thought I meant that I used to be an alcoholic or something.
I quit drinking alcohol because of my acid reflux problems, and that is that.
Has anyone ever had a good psychologist that they have talked to and has it
really helped them out ?

Lynda

I know what you mean about feeling worse looking back! I like what the back of the book by Obitz says about you can change your future but not your past. I hated how my old therapists all wanted to look back at my life instead of moving forward. I had bad luck with psychologists and psychiatrists too

[LyndaLu]

egriff:
I think if I would have known about CBT at the time I was looking for or choosing a therapist it may have
helped me head more in the right direction at the time. I went to one psychologist 4 times. The next one I
attended several sessions, I quit seeing this doctor because she took a cell phone call at the beginning of one
of our sessions. That was so wierd that she took a phone call and it was quite unprofessional. The door to
her office was closed when she took the call, but we had not yet started to "talk" . The third psychologist
I visited only once. It was our first visit and it was 1 1/2 hours long and I talked about all of my current issues.
This doctor was yawning ( plural ) during my session and so I did not return to see her. I just cannot believe that
doctors are so rude with their phone calls and their yawning. So, I gave up on the psychologist and worked
on the program and I am reading self-help books too. I no longer have any health insurance, so going to see
a therapist is not going to happen now. I used to like my psychiatrist, but he just spends 10 minutes with me
every three months and then writes out a new script for the meds. How is this helping me ? I have been on
the meds for years and am now trying to wean myself free of them.
I guess I just have to move on and learn from those interesting experiences !
Lynda Lu

[egriff]

I hate hearing those stories but I am afraid they are the norm. It is hard to find good therapists. I think the good ones are amazing but so hard to find them. Keep working on yourself and I am sure you will get to where I finally find myself now