I just let the anxiety attack go.

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ellenfisher
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:33 pm

I just let the anxiety attack go.

Post by ellenfisher » Tue Jun 18, 2013 12:34 am

I finished the program a few weeks ago and was feeling really good.

Then, I came to a challenging day. I began to feel at the kitchen table that I was ramping up for an anxiety attack. Just as fast as I thought, "I can't handle this, I'm going to my room and I feel like an anxiety attack is going to happen--oh no, what will I do?"---------------I thought within a split second, "so what if you go in the room and have an anxiety attack--you know the six steps and how to get through it and diffuse it." Then, in the next millisecond I thought, "what will I gain from an anxiety attack--that is a lot of work and boring and I'm just not going to go through that whole process for nothing," and wouldn't you know it---the whole anxiety just left, just like that---as fast as the snap of my fingers. I never even left the table. I call that progress! I was almost shocked to realize that I didn't want to "bother" with that boring, tiring anxiety attack and just let it go. It is so great! Thank God for this program!

Then, I had been keeping some calming supplements around in case I needed them for anxiety. I had never even opened the box, but they were a sort of security blanket for me. I ended up giving them to someone who asked to try them and really needed them. I began to have an anxiety attack when I realized I wouldn't have them if I needed them. I thought, "oh no, what if I need them and now I don't have them" and that old anxiety started ramping up. Immediately, I thought, "if you have an anxiety attack you know what to do--you've never even opened the box--you know what to do and it's no big deal". Wouldn't you know it, my anxiety just vaporized into thin air. I didn't even have to float or work the six steps--I thought, "I think I'm beginning to get a glimpse of my secondary gains."

I don't fully get my secondary gains yet, but I seem to use my anxiety to avoid things I don't want to deal with or don't want to do. I seem to tell myself you can't do that or deal with this, what if you have anxiety. Well, I know what to do with anxiety now and I guess I am learning to just take care of myself and be assertive when I need to and not to give when it's not in my best interest. I want balance of course. I want to take good care of myself and want to be a caring person too. I know in time I will achieve both in a healthier way than I have ever known before. Again, I thank God for this program!

Ellen

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