My realization

[NeverQuit]

Hey all!
Just wanted to say that I have had the same realization lately, about how much overcoming our anxiety is dependent on our own will and determination to not give these thoughts the value that they are screaming for. We need to get angry! Something that helps me is to picture my anxiety as an annoying person who thinks that they have the right to take up residence in my mind, but I need to tell them to get lost because they have no place in my house. Getting angry is so important, a good, constructive anger that gives you the focus and determination and will to do the hard work of ignoring these thoughts and answering them back with the truth, then moving on.

[Iwillbebetter]

* Kathy,
it took a lot to ask her, but yes I think it will be a great thing for both of us!! Yes doing for others deffinately helps to better ourselves!!!
That's a good idea, I should have ordered stuff online. Me and my boyfriend just got out last night and got a lot of it done. (I don't mind so much when I have someone with me. )
awww Yes those moments can be hard, not having to buy your youngest toys for the first year. When I think of those types of things mainly with my oldest right now, I can get teary eyed so easy. Like thinking about this being his last year in elementary
I will surley keep you updated when I go out afterwork. And today with the kids

* NeverQuit (love the name)
What a great realization huh!! It's amazing what determination anger can really give us!! I know the first time around I wanted to change, but the anxiety in me didn't and I let that win. This time I'm not!! I'm taking back what is rightfully mine!!! I like the idea of picturing it a person, I almost think of like a bully on the playground... now it's time to fight back!!

[forever young 06]

I have enjoyed reading your post. I can relate to each of you. especially cautiouscat, I lost my mother 3 wks ago. she was 87 and in the nursing home we didn't do a lot together and that might have made it a little easier but something about losing your parents and like close to christmas not so good. I do okay as long as I don't think about it and I try not to do it it only makes me sad. I also have the issue with my brother and sisters. they didn't help me with mom and they don't have alot to do with me either. you can't make people be what you need so you have to accept things as they are especially the things you can't change and change the things you can.

I know how you feel about your children. I have had agrophobia for 30 yrs I have been worse I am a little better but my daughter is 33 and I was at my worst when she was little really she was 2 I look back and don't know how I made it.my husbands sister and a nephews wife helped take my daughter places they had small kids that was my daughters age and she spe nt al ot ot time with them and that kept her life more normal. I have a lot of regrets and I always bought my daughter all I could and try to make christmas the best. I am realizing I can't change the past and I did the best I could and stop the victim thinking.
now I want to get well I am 57 I have lost most of my life I was 22 when I had my first panic attack and the down ward spiral. i bacame almost house bound but took medicine and recovered a lot to where I work and do a lot but I am limited to going longer distance like 40 miles and farther and the interstate really bothers me. I have the program and haven't done it all the way thru. I have read a lot but never wanted to face my fears and that is the only way to get well. you can't wish it away it must be faced but in the right way the running makes it worse.

[Iwillbebetter]

forever young, I'm sorry for your loss!! No matter how close losing someone, especially a parent can be VERY hard!! Although we all know the day will come, it's still just not something you can ever really be ready for!! Glad to hear you have been keeping busy so you aren't sitting and thinking about it. I'm sure having issues with the siblings doesn't help much either, but like you said, you have to accept things as they are, no matter how hard that maybe. That makes me think of that serenity prayer, I want to get one to hang on my walls I think now more than ever that is so important to remember!!

I know what you mean about having regrets. I have many with my oldest whom is only 11... but that's 11 years to long. I do the same in trying to remember I did the best I can. Lately I've even been able to say not only did I do the best that I can, but look at him, he is a wonderful child, and beleive it or not, I did that. :)

I never realized it until starting the program this time around, but I was getting pretty close to house bound. Would only go places if I really had to. When people would try to make plans, I could almost always think of a way out. Or I would think of it by the time it was time to do whatever. I am now taking the kids to story time at the library everyweek. Sometimes still uncomfortable, especially when we are 5 minutes late, and everyone turns when we walk in the door. But aside from 1 week when they were sick, I haven't made ANY excuses. We have gone for a month now. (I started before I restarted program)

I did the same thing, I got the program over a year ago. made a half-hearted attempt. Got to session 7 I think it was, the assertive one. Decided I was NOT ready for that, so I told myself I would take a break work on self-esteem and get back to it. After just a short time, the self-esteem work stopped. Then before I knew it I was right back where I started.... feeling like I was going to have a nervous break down at any given moment. Feeling like I just couldn't "do it" anymore. I know I did pick up a few things the first time around and that has helped. But I think most of what I did pick up I lost. I was more just hearing it, I wasn't actually "doing it" so this time around I am more determined than ever. I WILL NOT go back to that place!! I WILL not feel that way again!! And most of all I will NOT teach my children that is anyway to live!! I am taking my thoughts, my feelings, MY LIFE back!!

Like CautiousCat says "NO MORE SIDELINES"

[forever young 06]

thanks for your reply. I have got to start working on me i need to climb out of this hole I have found myself in too many yrs have past and i know it is easier to do nothing but the results are not good. I was hoping to really do a lot of facing my fears this past yr but my daughter and her family sold her house and moved in with me and is building her another house. this has been since march so we are coming down to she has almost got it done maybe moving in two wks. I had to put myself on hold and focus on them. I am looking forward to christmas with them here. love reading your post can so relate with everything

[Iwillbebetter]

I know what you mean. It's funny until recently I didn't even realize how far I had dug my whole. I guess I had spent so much of my life "appearing" like everything was great, I even tricked myself.
Yes it can be hard when you have others living with you. Just becareful "putting yourself on hold", it's so easy to stay on "hold" once we put ourselves there!! I only say that because I had done that also. Ended up keeping myself there way to long. Almost kept doing it to. Was going to wait til the new year to start program again. Then decided there is always going to be something. Holidays, family, work, etc.... If I don't take/make the time it will never come.
I do still have MANY times that I get discouraged, as I want to do something and it doesn't work out. I just try to remind myself that although now might now work/be a good time, I will find a good time. I am still working on "tweeking" my schedule so I can do the things I want/need to do. And it hasn't been easy. Normally I would have given up by now. But I see that is part of why I was still where I was. So I'm learning to accept when it doesn't work and figure out when it does!!
Well I hope all is going well with the finishing of her house!! and I wish you the best of luck when you are able to focus on yourself!! Maybe start working on your determination, I know I've needed that more than ever!!

[CautiousKat]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for reading our posts and taking the time to share your stories! I'm so sorry Foreveryoung for the loss of your mother. I know exactly how you feel, and after almost 2 years I am still not healing from her loss. It's so hard at Christmas time especially! I'm glad that you all can see how the strategy of "getting angry at the anxiety" can really work. If we allow ourselves to be victims of it, the anxiety wins! Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I can tell I am already feeling sorry for myself and asking "why me?" It's amazing how you can change that attitude around if you talk to yourself the way a coach (or maybe your own mother) would have talked to you to get you moving. I have to really take back control when the anxiety hits because if I allow the attitude of "oh no!, here it comes again" to infiltrate my thinking, the anxiety gets the upper hand. I have to say to myself "fine, go ahead and bring it on because I am taking my daughter to a movie today and I don't really care what you dish out!" You can insert whatever activity it is that you are wanting to do. I have found that if I do this, and float through whatever anxiety I am feeling, I do very well.

I recently found some really interesting anxiety videos on You Tube by Dr. Dave Carbonell. He is a psychologist who specializes in anxiety. I enjoyed listening to him. Talk to you all soon!

Kathy

[Iwillbebetter]

Thanks for sharing what you found on Youtube, I will try to check it out sometime today.