Anyway, the main thing I've had to really work with is the anxiety symptoms that I feel in my "gut" or stomach, plus the headaches or symptoms of anxiety that show itself physically in our heads or brain. Such as dizziness, depression, neck aches, low energy, butterflies in the stomach, not always the fun butterflies, rubbery leg feeling or weak or jelly legs. I think you all might have experienced this.
And then there is the getting along with friends or family members that don't quite understand what we go through with our anxious/ scary feelings. I guess I just wanting to express my feelings that it has been such a struggle and I sometimes wonder should I go back on anti-depressants. But my body symptoms are so strong that the energizing effect of anti-depressants bother me now that I've been off of them for so long.
And then there are the side effects and I just don't want to go through them again. So I work it out in my mind and see what can I do to make things better. I have to say that it is because I'm able to come here and express myself has really helped along with seeing a Psychologist every two weeks or so who practices CBT.
The other main thing that has helped me is my change in eating habits. I've stayed away from sugar and eat meals high in protein. These really help to calm me down.
The other factor that really gives me hope for the future and feel better is exercise. But I haven't made my self do much of it until it is a sunny day and I finally work myself into getting out of bed when I'm down and go outside.
So my triumph story is that yesterday after many days of either very hot and windy weather or rainy and cold, I finally went out and started to putter in my garden. It took a while to get going because my garden has been neglected from last year's panic attack and medication that a P.A. put me on, not really knowing me and thought that Beta Blockers and an Antidepressant that knocks you out and makes you want to eat anything while in a sleepy state of mind was the best thing for me. I only went to her, because my Psychiatrist was sick all the time and I changed Professional offices hoping to get more attention.
Anyway, I was wrong, but back to my story, this is a new spring and summer and I'm off of beta blockers and antidepressants for about 8 months now. So I'm ready to have a better summer and try to catch up on things that were neglected.
So yesterday, I worked all day in my garden, weeded, got rid of plants I didn't want anymore, watered, cleaned up debris and prepared the soil and planted a new shrub in a new place that use to be an eyesore. Visited with my neighbor across the street and wore myself out!
But I loved it and I feel so good and I didn't have any anxiety symptoms. The sunshine, exercise and being in the present and doing what I love was the cure! I wasn't thinking of what my husband thinks I should be doing nor what my 20 year old son thinks. I was doing what makes me happy and the reason I even garden is that I'm out in the sunshine, I'm creating, I'm with nature, I'm with all the song birds singing to me, I get to visit with the people taking walks, and I have a feeling of accomplishment.
I know that my efforts will show and be appreciated by those that see and by myself as I enjoy the fruits of my labors. I also know that as I complete each task I'm building my future. I'm building muscle, that's for sure! I can feel the soreness, but I've gotten rid of that anxious gut feeling, that scary feeling that our thoughts get us into.
Plus I'm accomplishing a goal of getting my home in order and making my yardwork easier for the future, so that I can spend my time away from home and not worry about what my home looks like. I'm also working on "downsizing" letting go of past dreams that I felt a compulsion to have because I wasn't feeling good about my life. I use to by all kinds of plants that I was going to plant because I felt I just had to have that PLANT! I've realized, I don't have to have all the plants that have ever been hybridized!
I was buying plants and other things to feel a void in my life, a void of connecting with people and being free to just get up and go places and not have to worry about what outside chores need to be done. This has been hard because I live on an acre and I love to garden. But noone else that lives at home now loves to garden with me, so it can be lonely and a lot of work. I'm also getting older and my body aches when I over do it, so I really had to work on letting go and so that I can have more.
I will always garden, but now I'm more realistic about it. Paislee