I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half! It was so hard, but I am feeling relief, and scared...I know that God is with me, and I truly feel like it was the best thing to do, but I have SO just faced EVERY limitation with my anxiety by doing this. I was having MAJOR anticipatory anxiety but pushed through the wall because I wanted to. I really felt an inner sense of God's peace that I have it all figured out, He has revealed the issues to me, I just need to take the step of faith in spite the second-guessings and fears, and I took the leap of faith. This is the FIRST TIME in my LIFE that I have EVER ended ANY type of a relationship, and it is so hard!!!!! I don't think it has completely hit me yet. But this was a bad relationship, it wasn't going anywhere, and in a sense, I feel relieved to be done with the garbage that it was bringing into my life. I am trusting God that if He is the one for me, that He can bring him back into my life again and he WILL see things differently. It's just so hard, but I am so proud of myself for doing it.
Any prayers are SO much appreciated. I just confronted every aspect of my anxiety and cut off a HUGE distraction for me to my anxiety. In a way I'm scared that it will make my anxiety worse not having this distraction and sense of purpose that comes from a relationship, but I know that this wasn't the right one to have.
Relieved and Scared
Re: Relieved and Scared
Congrats!! That's so brave!
(Of course, it's an adjustment, too. You seem to really understand that you need to keep your mind on healthy things. Maybe you can take a local class or volunteer or something . . . something a little challenging/fun. . . that way you'll have a way to be exposed to something new to give you something else to focus on, until a healthier relationship comes your way. . . .
Personally, I just took a Microsoft Office course at a local institute. Sure, I could have taught myself using online tutorials, etc. . . . but getting a little dressed up to go to class was good for me. I confronted my anxiety, practiced my social skills, met some nice people. . . . And sure, some of the sadness/anxiety is still there from time to time, but now I have more hope and more practice for developing my skills, self-esteem, and a healthy relationship.)
(Of course, it's an adjustment, too. You seem to really understand that you need to keep your mind on healthy things. Maybe you can take a local class or volunteer or something . . . something a little challenging/fun. . . that way you'll have a way to be exposed to something new to give you something else to focus on, until a healthier relationship comes your way. . . .
Personally, I just took a Microsoft Office course at a local institute. Sure, I could have taught myself using online tutorials, etc. . . . but getting a little dressed up to go to class was good for me. I confronted my anxiety, practiced my social skills, met some nice people. . . . And sure, some of the sadness/anxiety is still there from time to time, but now I have more hope and more practice for developing my skills, self-esteem, and a healthy relationship.)
Re: Relieved and Scared
I definitely understand what you're saying! It's so important to be healthy, to value ourselves, and not put our full value into a relationship. That's definitely going to be a process for me of detaching myself, and gaining the right state of mind...I hear what you're saying! It's natural of course to get attached to people. I feel like I was at one point so one-dimensional, only about this relationship, that I began to lose myself. But over the last year I have gotten better at focusing on me, so that it's not as bad now as it could have been if I WASN'T doing anything for myself. I am actually going to a volunteer event tomorrow! 
Great advice! Thank you for the encouragement!!
Great advice! Thank you for the encouragement!!-
Paisleegreen
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Re: Relieved and Scared
Congratulations! I agree, you are very brave and strong! I like what MC Grace had to say as well about taking a class where she had to get dressed up and be with people. That is much better than being by yourself to learn something. I made myself call my hairdresser to redo part of my perm that didn't take very well. She has a private salon and I've known her of quite some time, but I have never called back any hairdresser to fix a perm. My hairdresser did return my call and fixed the strands of hair that didn't take.
It was a nice visit and I enjoyed the country scenery while I drove to and from there. It isn't very close to my house, but always a nice road trip if there aren't cars on the road. Which I was lucky, I missed the noon day and 5 o'clock rush time. So it was very relaxing and fun. Paislee
It was a nice visit and I enjoyed the country scenery while I drove to and from there. It isn't very close to my house, but always a nice road trip if there aren't cars on the road. Which I was lucky, I missed the noon day and 5 o'clock rush time. So it was very relaxing and fun. Paislee
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tbabystroup
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- Location: Ashtabula, OH
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Re: Relieved and Scared
Walking away from a bad relationship is a really hard thing to do!! Personally I spent 6 years in a toxic relationship that I ended recently! It is super hard for a person with anxiety to go it alone, but I think it's a promising sign that we have found our inner strength and taken that HUGE step towards bettering our lives! Hanging in there through the first few weeks is the hardest part, but you CAN do it!! And the feeling of NOT being dependent on anyone but yourself to be happy is truly LIBERATING!!!! I look back now and it sickens me to think of all the years of b.s. I put myself through because I let the fear of being alone keep me where I was at... I still get lonely, but it feels AMAZING to actually be focusing on ME!!
Good Luck and I'll be praying for you to maintain your strength and continue to find your own happiness!!!
Good Luck and I'll be praying for you to maintain your strength and continue to find your own happiness!!!
~theresa~
**Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in a dark room. so if you see darkness in your life, be reassured that a beautiful picture is being developed!!**
**Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in a dark room. so if you see darkness in your life, be reassured that a beautiful picture is being developed!!**
Re: Relieved and Scared
Thank you both of you! 
Like you said tbabystroup, it is really hard to walk away from something, or someone, that you've been depending on to make you feel good, especially the first few weeks....I am still adjusting after almost 2 weeks out of the relationship. For the first time I am beginning to feel more up and excited about ME!!!! But it's a GREAT feeling. I feel like I am actually in control of my future and not in a relationship that I frankly didn't want to be in anymore but was only staying out of fear. Relationships are meant to be EDIFYING, NOT the end-all of your life, NOR something that makes you feel secure. You have to be secure in who you are to really enjoy a relationship. And God is teaching me so much. It's definitely not easy being in a relationship to begin with, because you are working with another person, it's not just about you. But it has to be a healthy relationship. I am excited just to possibly move on and be friends with this person, I realize I've missed myself and just having fun without the pressures of someone else's expectations! It's not just that he had expectations of me, but it's that they were expectations that I didn't feel comfortable with and we were coming up against over and over again, so that it wasn't enjoyable anymore.
Bottom line - recovery from anxiety is about focusing on yourself, just in a healthier light, and I feel like I am finally beginning to grasp that! And getting out of a bad relationship that I was only in to make myself feel "secure" is a very empowering thing.
Like you said tbabystroup, it is really hard to walk away from something, or someone, that you've been depending on to make you feel good, especially the first few weeks....I am still adjusting after almost 2 weeks out of the relationship. For the first time I am beginning to feel more up and excited about ME!!!! But it's a GREAT feeling. I feel like I am actually in control of my future and not in a relationship that I frankly didn't want to be in anymore but was only staying out of fear. Relationships are meant to be EDIFYING, NOT the end-all of your life, NOR something that makes you feel secure. You have to be secure in who you are to really enjoy a relationship. And God is teaching me so much. It's definitely not easy being in a relationship to begin with, because you are working with another person, it's not just about you. But it has to be a healthy relationship. I am excited just to possibly move on and be friends with this person, I realize I've missed myself and just having fun without the pressures of someone else's expectations! It's not just that he had expectations of me, but it's that they were expectations that I didn't feel comfortable with and we were coming up against over and over again, so that it wasn't enjoyable anymore.
Bottom line - recovery from anxiety is about focusing on yourself, just in a healthier light, and I feel like I am finally beginning to grasp that! And getting out of a bad relationship that I was only in to make myself feel "secure" is a very empowering thing.
Re: Relieved and Scared
Congratulations Relieved you sound very wise. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will continue to fill you with wisdom & joy. Over the past couple of years I have become so much closer to God & it is empowering to know I can do what I can & then I can turn the rest over to Him.