Yesterday, I found my notes of over a year ago and the things that I feel led to my recovery. It is my hope that this review and commentary will help others here. These are the steps I took, and they worked for me. There were many other things that I did that were very helpful to and I shared with others here through various postings here. I hope that the length of this posting doesn't deter you from following along. I hope that all who take the time to read this letter will be encouraged and given a sense of hope that things will be better. I thank you for taking my letter, deciding to follow through and help to get you to realize that each of you can achieve that life of victory and triumph that we all aspire to have.
My notes on the Attacking Anxiety Program.
I went through the DVD Sets 1-3
I set out a priority list that I included:
1) Get back better
2) Get back to building better back and legs
3) Get and keep B/P @ good levels
4) Reclaim ability to walk and maybe run
*5) Obtain help through counseling and the stress center program
*6) Get back to living life through cognitive behavioral study
*7) Develop skills to obtain help for improved mental attitude
5 ways to feel better fast:
1)Recognize and believe
2)stop asking why, and what if
3)believe you can recover and overcome
4) learn to relax using the relaxation tape
5) believe the program will help me
Stopping Anxiety
Source or cause of anxiety is unknown. Nevertheless do not accept them as the norm. Say these words to yourself to help you:
1)Don’t run from panic: it is okay to be anxious
2)What is bothering me?
3)This will pass, breathe deeply and slowly through your nose
4)Distract yourself
Healthy body = Healthy mind
Small lifestyle changes to help: Diet, good health and exercise
Cut down on caffeine, chocolates and sweets (sugar) and salt until you take them out of your diet. Add high fiber to your diet. Moderation is key.
Exercise 5-30 minutes daily increasing a little each day really helps.
Drink lots of water.
Cut down on negative thoughts and “what if” thinking. Practice developing positive thoughts. Positive self talk is essential.
Replace “what if” thoughts with: So what if! Think to yourself: no matter what comes or happens: I am okay! So what if! No matter what happens in my life; my life is fine!
The Power of Relaxation:
Listen to relaxation tape (2-3 times a day)
9 Steps to overcome a panic attack:
1)Rate your panic
2)Do nothing and relax
3)Stop thinking the worst of things (stop running)
4)Stop what if thinking as it triggers and adrenaline rush that is set up
5)Accept it and understand that it is okay to sometimes be fearful
6)Try to figure out what is bothering you
7)Give yourself permission
8)Use positive self talk to help you feel better: I am anxious but it is going to be okay!
9)Laugh at yourself as you realize that that these feelings won’t hurt you.
Understand that you create your feelings of panic, and look to the program to develop coping skills to face your fears. Positive self talk or dialogue is the key to improved self esteem. It helps to understand that you are being controlled by your thoughts. Feed yourself positive thoughts, and stop worrying!
Say to yourself: I love myself. I recognize my negativity. Practice by giving compliments to other people and yourself.
Figure out what you want right now.
Never give up:
Follow your dreams and never stop dreaming. Lower your expectations to realistic and obtainable goals.
Anger/Assertive;
If you allow yourself to get angry try to put off angry response and give yourself time to evaluate situation to give yourself the opportunity to respond intelligently to help make you an effective communicator.
If you feel guilty, call or contact the offended party, and apologize to help bring closure to the guilt feelings.
Stop obsessive thinking, circular thinking and avoidance behavior. Ask yourself why you are having odd or weird thoughts. Write down these thoughts and change these thoughts to a humorous context, but if thoughts slip into thoughts of suicide; get professional help as soon as possible. Barring these latter thoughts, think:
What do I need to do to face up to what is really bothering me?
Repeat to yourself, I will not act on those scary thoughts. Remember that these are just thoughts. Try as best you can, to get something positive out of anxious thinking and behavior.
This sums up my summary of notes on the quick start of this program. Upon reviewing my own situation, I find that the quick start part of the course has helped me see; that in spite of my poor assessment scores, I have lived most of my life, inherently knowing much that is covered in the course. It seems that I have held on to and learned to develop positive uses of anxiety to keep from slipping into the valleys of the down swings of my manic depressive disorder. Here are some highlights (low lights) of the whys:
1)I saw what happened to my dad and those early observations made it clear to me that I had to do something to keep that from happening to me.
2)I went overboard on the manic side and it led to uncontrolled anger and violence on several occasions, during my youth and each time, I felt it pushed me into a rapid cycling that gave me a sense that I was losing my mind.
3)Loss of what I saw as a pivotal lawsuit triggered a deep depression in me that I choose to self medicate on cocaine to help keep me up on the manic side. However, I was not consciously aware that I was doing that; thus when I went off cold turkey, it triggered a series of rapid cycles that at times made me feel I was losing my mind, but it also led me to a spiritual awakening within me.
I think that because I have experienced many failures in my life that I some how overcame because of my physical talents, and my adept use of that talent to help me distract myself from my fears. This is how I have been able to control my fears and disorders. Positive use of anxiety through a mindset that used physical attributes to help distract myself.
However, the person I am now can not overcome the fears of slipping into insanity through physical distraction, and I need to turn to the spiritual and mental capabilities to overcome my fear of this fall into bizarre thinking. One of the things that I have noticed is that I feel good if I can help someone address their own problems, and the Stress stress center forums have helped me to do that and in doing so has helped me distract my mind to stay focused on positive and constructive thoughts .
I wrote or created this document, originally, on January 28, 2009 or approximately, when I first completed the quick start DVD part of the program. I added the paragraph above on February 18, 2009. I was in the midst of session 3 and writing the paragraph above brought me to that Ah-Ha moment which I will copy to this paragraph: “...I need to turn to the spiritual and mental capabilities to overcome...”
I can truthfully tell you that I never completed session 4 of this program. I would now say that this it what it took for me, but for others it may take them a lot longer, or maybe repeating the program a few times or simply refreshing specific parts of the program they may feel they need to refresh or review.
In my case, I felt, since February 13, 2009, that I came to that place of awakening or awareness that I had gotten to the general root of my problems, and it became more evident that my drawing closer to God and developing a more intimate approach with Him, were the key to my full recovery. I can be thankful about the program for getting me to do this self analysis, and then completely turning to God as my provider, strong arm and protector, and as my principal source of joy that has returned to my life. This edit completed March 8, 2010.
Additional notes
We can all be obsessive at times, and most times that is not a good thing. One of the things I obsessed about was my desire to be of help to many people here at the stress center. While this desire to help others may be a laudable goal, the reality is that we can only provide advice and counsel that is no different, or has slight variations than found in the program, the bible and many other good and positive sources.
I obsessed about helping people until I reached a point that I realized and accepted the fact that “...we do the praying and God does the fixing...” When we continue to think that others can not do for themselves without us; if they really want to become victors over their undue fears, worries or concerns, that usually lead to circular thinking that leads to anxiety, panic and depression, we end up in deeper waters of our own than when we started.
It is a good thing to pay it forward or pay it back so to speak, but there are limitations to everything, and we all have to learn to do things in moderation for our own good. Every person in the stress center has the tools to lead themselves to recovery and to normal lives, it is all a question of each person's willingness and desire to apply the knowledge, following good and practical advice that many give, and the individuals willingness to change for what they inherently know is better.
If you read this story, you got to know more about me, how I used the program, my continuing road to good mental health, my deep and abiding faith in God, and my belief and confidence that every person that wants to succeed, can and will succeed. You can succeed at your goals for recovery, but you have to want it enough to learn to use the tools in the program, apply them and come to understand that there is something much larger than any one of us that is in control of everything.
It is my opinion, that each person has to get to the point of realizing that the world does not revolve around them, and in many cases that realization will help them to get to the point of surrender and letting God do the fixing.
We do not need to control every aspect of our lives. We just need to know that no matter what, God will never leave us or forsake us. That He Loves us! That we are just sojourners or pilgrims in this life, and what is ahead and in store for us, is far greater than we could ever imagine. Thank you for following this letter to its conclusion, and I hope that many found it encouraging, forthright, and helpful.
Have a blessed day!
